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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: I Think My Friend At Work Hit On Me

DEARSUGAR and Stunned Stella need your help. She was invited to her co-worker's party last night and did not at all expect it to be a sexy swinger's party. She's totally confused about the message that she's been sent by her co-worker. What do you think it means?

Dear Sugar
Last night I attended a birthday party for a co-worker who works in the cube next to me. She is a super fun, fashionable and smart girl and although we don't socialize much outside of the office, I feel like we are pretty good friends at work.

We take our lunches together and occasionally take a walk during short breaks. I was surprised that she invited me to her apartment for her birthday, but very happy about it nonetheless. When I walked in, I hadn't given much thought to the crowd, but I was shocked to high heaven when I saw what was going on.

Everyone was scantily clad in sexy outfits and most people were coupled off in different corners hooking up. For the love of humanity, this was a swinger's party! When it finally set in what was going on, I grabbed a beer and sat myself in the bathroom to calm down and sort this out. Once I walked out again to the main room and caught a glimpse of some women on women action, I jetted for the door.

I am single and my co-worker is single and she is well aware that I am single. I could completely be jumping to conclusions here, but I thought that perhaps this was her way of hitting on me or something. What would give her the impression that I'd want to get jiggy at this kind of party? I stayed home from work today, but I know that I can't hide forever. How can I straighten this out with her when I get to work tomorrow? Stunned Stella

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Ozzie Ozzie 9 years
i dont think this was her way of hitting on you. since you two were pretty close, Perhaps you mentioned the fact that you are lonely or something. I think she wanted to help you have good time and thats all. Some of these type of parties could be totally out of control and some of them are kept in pretty civilized manners. So for a new comer it could be totally unacceptable. therefore many people like to avoid telling what kink of party it is. And also there is always a rule in all parties this nature, that is " No means No". I think your friend is going through more difficult time right now, she is probably embarrassed of facing you tomorrow too. I think she will try to make it look like it was not a big deal. so I would say go for lunch together tomorrow and just tell her that you were surprised, and never pictured how swingers parties would be like? etc... but now that you know, you prefer to stay out of it. but thanks for your help and lets just forget about it like it never happened and change the topic. Thanks Oz
celsou celsou 10 years
I definitely wouldnt make a big deal about it. If she is a swinger, she probably wasnt hitting on you at all, just feeling out if that was your thing. It sounds like you could continue to be friends at work, just relax and let it lie. If she brings up noticing that you left early, just let her know politely that you aren't in to that kind of thing, but thank her for inviting you all the same. If she invites you out in the future, you now are totally justified in asking what kinda of "out" it will be. But man, I would have hated to have been in your shoes at that party. Yikes!
honey31 honey31 10 years
Hell I dont blame you for hiding at home I would to!Let her know that u wished she could of warned you what kind of party it was!
ishtar ishtar 10 years
i dont think she was hitting on you, just maybe that she thought you would like something like that. just tell her you didnt know it was that kind of party and its not your thing, simple as that!
Jinx Jinx 10 years
Don't avoid her, if she's that open, she's probably receptive to the fact its not your thing. Maybe take the invite as a compliment and try and get past it. ~Procrastinate Now! Don't Put It Off~ (Ellen)
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 10 years
Good gosh, I'm sorry you went through that, at least the party part is over with. I also, don't blame you for staying home. I would act like nothing ever happened. If she brings it up, be honest and say, "Gee thanks, for inviting me to such a fun party. :IRK: Nothing against you but, I wish you could have given me a heads-up. That was a very uncomfortable situation for me. I don't mind being friends with you but, you need to respect my boundaries now, that you are aware of them. :)" What a real piece of work to invite you to this kind of party...sheesh.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
something similar happened at a party my husband and i were invited to by a couple from our daughters swim team. at the party the women were all over each other and other women's husbands. i was in the bathroom and when i came out another woman said "you were in there alone? too bad." whatever, not our style and we don't socialize with those people following that "event". people have different standards of behavior and it can take you by surprise. i tell you, every time i see someone from that party i have an instant flash back to that night. so not our scene. i think you should just go aon as if it didn't happen. if she brings it up say it's not your style and change the subject.
DesignRchic DesignRchic 10 years
Woah! How could she forget those "minor" details when inviting you? I probably would have called out sick too! How awkward. I wouldn't know what to say the NEXT day at work. I guess ask to speak with her in private. I'd tell her that you didn't feel comfortable with the situation and that it would have helped to know what was really going to happen beforehand.
TxHawaiianTropic TxHawaiianTropic 10 years
Well I guess you won't be going to another one of those parties!!! Sorry to hear you had such a bad time, that must have been VERY WEIRD! I can only imagine what was going through your head in that bathroom............ I don't blame you for jetting so quickly. I think you should go back to work and act as though nothing ever happened. Unless she asks, of course.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
yikes staying home wasnt a way to deal. But just explain if she asks u were a little taken a back an werent comfy im sure shell understand I doubt this was hitting on u
cubadog cubadog 10 years
First off hiding at home is not the way to handle this at all. I can't believe you would stay home over something that so silly. Its not like the whole office was there. More than likely she was just trying to feel you out to see if there was potential for anything to happen. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if she asks why you left early that is the time to tell her that you were uncomfortable. Maybe you have had some conversations in the past that have led her to believe you were a little more open sexually!
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
unless she was flirting with you, i doubt this was her way of hitting on you. something tells me that she'd be a little more direct seeing how she hosts swingers parties. if she asks you why you left, just say you were uncomfortable or those kinds of parties aren't your thing. stay friendly at work though, no need to ruin a perfectly good work relationship/friendship. she probably invited you because she thought you'd have a good time, now she knows not to invite you next time.
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