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DEARSUGAR and Ravishing Raven need your help. She is going to be at an event with a woman who is trying to steal her boyfriend from her and she needs to look killer yet classy. Ladies, how can we help her out here? I know you've all got a few tricks up your sleeve to help keep your man's eyes on you all night long.

Dear Sugar
This weekend I am going to be seeing my boyfriend's ex at an upcoming event. Since we have been together, she has tried her darndest to break us up. Thank goodness it it hasn't worked in the slightest, but nevertheless, I am not looking forward to this next encounter.

I really want to appear confident and classy when I see her, but I confess that I am pretty nervous about it. Do you have any suggestions how I can come off looking classy and elegant but at the same time radiate my sexuality? I am not afraid of even looking a little bit intimidating.

I am planning on using the 'kill her with kindness' approach, but I don't want to come off as insecure, fake, or jealous in any way. I think that feeling and looking gorgeous is going to give me the confidence that I need. What should I say to her? Please help me pull this off. Ravishing Raven

Join The Conversation
Mamita Mamita 10 years
If he makes you feel insecure, DITCH HIM!! You deserve someone that makes you feel beautiful and confident, regardless of whom he chooses to talk to!
Babalon Babalon 10 years
I find it interesting that your boyfriend continues to find ways to interact with his ex. Not to say that people shouldn't try to be mature regarding their past relationships -- but, he needs to tell her that he's in love with you, and that he feels is would be best if she didn't try to interfere in your relationship. The vibe I get is that he's using his ex to keep you "in control". He cleverly stokes your insecurities ... see what he gets? You wind up wanting to impress him more, dress better, be sexier. Just let him know you you're NOT in competition with her. If he flirts with her or continues to stoke her fires a little bit, go off at the party and flirt with someone else. See how HE likes it. Jealousy works both ways you know (I'm sure there may be some who don't agree with this tactic.) And by the way, don't knock yourself out trying to be "nice" to this person. All 3 of you know the score. Fake kindness only leaves the door open for her to continue hanging around. In the end, your boyfriend should respect your feelings and completely release her from his life. If she's so great, what's he doing with you? Why not ask him? Love is the Law, Love Under Will!
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
i disagree with the idea that you can tell your man who he can and can't talk to, this isn't grade school and nobody owns anyone. i also don't think being immature and saying to embarrass her is right either. just laugh and have fun, don't let her know that she bothers you. even if you aren't confident, you can trick other people into thinking you are and in this situation i think that will help a lot. :)
peepshow peepshow 10 years
Oh- if she says anything mean to your face or embarrassing: Tell her she's got lipstick on her teeth or food stuck in her teeth or on her face. Doesn't have to be true, but it knocks 'em down a peg-- and it's not "mean." :evil:
cravinsugar cravinsugar 10 years
Well m155, i agree with you and then i don't. I have been dating my boyf for the past 4.5 years and a girl who had the chance to date him when he was younger has poped back up and is letting it be known she likes him and is interested. He is a nice guy and always replies back to her comments and messages. The last one she left though, I told him that for her to get the hint, he has to stop replying back. That is the first time i have ever said to him, "don't talk to her" and I didn't say don't, I said if he didn't, she would get the hint eventually. so, i guess in some situations it is ok, but i did that because she was beginning to piss me off and he doesn't like the jealous types...not because i don't trust him. I'm all in.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Katie: When your with a man, yes you can tell him who he can and cannot talk to, if he doesnt respect that then screw him sure it may be a jealous or insecurity issue but if a man loves you he will do what he can to make you more comfortable. Esp if this biznatch is trying to get in the way.
Stefunny Stefunny 10 years
Whatever you do, wear the sexiest, ass-kickin', high-heeled-shoes you can buy, borrow or steal! There's nothin wrong with looking better than the ex;-)
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 10 years
katie: If I had an ex trying time and again to break up my current relationship, I wouldn't want that person in my life. I am just questioning why her boyfriend interacts with a person who wants to ruin his relationship...
Vsugar Vsugar 10 years
While I TOTALLY get the whole "if-I-look-great-I-feel-great" thing, the way you will look the best is if you really embrace the fact that he's with you, NOT her, and carry that inside you with confidence. There is nothing sexier to a man than a woman that doesn't need him, but wants him anyway. =) Let him know you want him, but don't let him see that you need him, and have FUN. If you are having fun and acting classy and have a positive and light-spirited attitude all night, no amount of her drama is going to sink in. Have FUN!! And good luck.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
how about something that would tie you and your boyfriend's outfits together. not "twinsey", but still say that you are together. i have been off the single scene for awhile so maybe a currently single girl should chime in here on this. maybe a tie that matches your skirt, or the same unusual color combo. what do you think girls?
katie225 katie225 10 years
sorry, but to the poster above, you can't just tell a guy who he can or cannot talk to. that's annoying. but to the question: i feel your pain. i like all the comments above about how to look hot and feel confident. when it comes to the communication part, i would let her talk first. smile a lot and make her feel bad about trying to break you guys up. that's not a nice thing to do at all. i wish i had more advice, but these sorts of situations can be tricky. just use tact, class, confidence, and try not to drink too much. hope that helps.
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 10 years
Errr... if that's the question. If not, my apologies.
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 10 years
Nevertheless, because I love these sort of girly fashion questions: make sure your heels are pretty tall and make sure you can walk in them with ease, buy a new dress that shows off your best feature (legs, waist, collarbone, etc.), go for a striking solid color that compliments your skin tone, pick your best facial feature to center your makeup on (eyes, lips, cheekbones). Have fun, don't try too hard, and don't obsess over the ex.
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 10 years
I don't think you should play into your own insecurity on the matter by worrying about looking better than her. Your boyfriend is with you... and if you were wearing a potato sack, that still shouldn't change anything. Are you worried that your boyfriend will find her to be more attractive than you and have second thoughts about going back to her? If so, that's a deeper issue that needs to be discussed. This woman has "tried her hardest" to break you both apart? Why do you allow her to be in contact with you/your boyfriend in the first place, then? I sure as hell wouldn't. If she were a civil ex, that would be a very different situation, but she tries to break up your relationship... and I would not be kind to someone who acts that way.
la_clique la_clique 10 years
Def agree with boxem. The better you feel about yourself, the more confident and sexy you will appear. If there is a certain thing that you KNOW the BF really likes you in, wear it. And just be yourself, he obviously loves you because he is WITH YOU. Work it! Let her eat her heart out!
boxem180 boxem180 10 years
in my opinion, the best thing you can do is treat yourself that day (if it's an evening event and you can afford it) at a spa or beauty salon, relaxing and getting your makeup and hair done. also, if you can splurge, buy a new outfit that you know fits and looks good on. between the two, you should have enough perk and confidence that she'll back off and your guy will notice how wonderful you look. good luck!
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