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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: My Boyfriend Wants Sex All Of The Time

DEARSUGAR and Worn Out Winnie need your help. She needs to figure out some way to sexually satisfy her boyfriend enough for him to leave her alone once in a while so she can get some rest. Do you have any suggestions?

Dear Sugar
I love my boyfriend very much and I think that we have a healthy sex life, however, he never seems to be satisfied. He wants to have sex all of the time! He always wants it in the evening before we go to sleep and then again in the morning before work.

There are some nights I am so tired that I just want to crash and he gets so disappointed if I don't want to make love. He'll get all pouty and spend about an hour tossing and turning and making the situation seem dramatic. I feel like he takes it as rejection when really I am just exhausted.

I don't want my boyfriend to feel unsatisfied sexually, but at the same time, I need him to understand that twice a day is too much for me. I don't think that anyone can sustain this kind of lifestyle. We have been dating for six months and we've just moved in together. Is anyone else in this situation that can offer some pointers? Worn Out Winnie

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liquishatheturtl liquishatheturtl 10 years
I don't think that this is a healthy relationship. I had the same thing happen in a previous relationship and found that the emotional guilt and the drama is abusive. I'm not saying that this is the same situation but if he can't understand your needs as a person than he probably doesn't care about you as much as he says he does. A relationship should be an equal partnership and both people need to feel satisfied and cared for. When someone coerces you into having sex when you don't want to it can make you left feeling empty inside and having bad feelings about the sexual part of your relationship. If your bf really cares about you he will listen to your feelings and realize that you have needs just like he does and one of them is sleep! Sex should be special and if it turns into a routine it will get boring, so tell him you'd like to try new things and he'll probably go for it. Men don't need sex, they just want it, and if he didn't have such a caring girlfriend he'd be getting alot less of it. Let him know how you feel and if you still feel guilty then end it, no one is worth making you feel bad about yourself.
gracey gracey 10 years
I think unmatched sexual interests in a relationship is a very big deal. Men need intercourse to feel close and women need to feel close to have intercourse. Its a very big deal!! You need to come to some sort of compromise and try to get him to realize that when you turn him down, it is not an insult. I agree with workin9to5 that being intimate earlier in the night really helps with the exhaustion.
kixstr8up kixstr8up 10 years
here is my only advice, find a way to make it work, otherwise he will go looking for it elsewhere
Kate-Needs-Help Kate-Needs-Help 10 years
Is he hot? Send him my way.... Seriously, if you can't deal with this topic, there are many MORE challenging and deeper issues to come. See, I've never had this problem. Ever! Not even once! Where do you find these guys? :oops: PS Yes, I'm back from my angry at popsugar boycott! LOL
H0T-Tamale H0T-Tamale 10 years
wow a friend of mine had had to deal with that but she comments that her boyfriend wanted like 3times a day and since he was his own boss and had flexible hours at the time she was staying home so guess they were like rabbits but she started to feel very uncomfortable about the whole thing.eventually she started cutting down the days and found a job so shes away from him more often (ehehehe)
la_clique la_clique 10 years
Twice a day, jeez. That is a bit much! Does he equate # of times with how much you love him? Healthy, active sex life is good, nympho not so good.
rkdub rkdub 10 years
I am with Val and Pattyo.... he may just be insecure and linking sex to how you emotionally feel about him and not keeping as just something fun!!! I say sit him down and talk it out. Or, just put on a really lousy performance and tell him it was because you were too tired.... he'll get the point! Besides, if my boyfriend really really wanted sex enough to pitch a childish fit when I am that tired I would get really mad at how selfish he was need to resolve the issue before you become resentful of having sex with him on demand.
pattyo pattyo 10 years
Welcome to the real world! Please keep in mind that...if your having a problem this early in your will not get any better. Sounds like he has insecurity issues! If you love him and want to make it work.....speak up and try and make him compromise with you.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
i'd be interested to know if this has been an issue in previous relationships. twice everyday seems excessive, and i would say that it boarders on unhealthy for him to INSIST on twice a day or resort to emotional blackmail. what did he do before you? if he's not in a relationship how does he deal with his sexual needs? if the relationship is new (maybe 4 months or less) and he's just really turned on by YOU that's one thing, but if it's an "any port in a storm" deal you got a problem. also, how old is he and how much sex has he had before? younger less experienced guys tend to think volume is more important.
azucar_maddy azucar_maddy 10 years
Some other little things to try... make sure that you are working out enough and eating well try sexy lingerie that makes you feel hot the most luxurious bedding you can afford shower together before bed x0x0 increase casual physical intimacy throughout day x0x0 try surprising new, fun scents to wear use suggestive language throughout the day
DesignRchic DesignRchic 10 years
WELCOME to the world of testosterone!!! My husband ALYWAYS wants it. Of couse I'm the, "Honey, I'm not in the mood, I need a back rub, bubble bath, etc..." I think there's a healthy expectation you both can have IF you communicate. My husband knows that if he gives me a massage, the chances of getting something is great. A lot of the times I 'give in' because I know it's a necessity for him to 'release.' Sometimes I'll have a drink beforehand if I'm not in the mood. MYOp, great suggestion on the astroglide ;) We use that too.
fat-kat fat-kat 10 years
Talk to your boyfriend and let him know how you feel. Explain to him that you understand his needs but he needs to understand yours. By the way in another six months the sex will die down. Due to the fact the relationship is getting older and more is expected out of the relationship. In a new relationship things are always different and better anyway. Woman are cars to men. When it's brand new they will cherish it by washing it all the time, keeping the gas tank filled and keeping the inside of the vehicle clean. After a year it's old and the things he did to the vehicle in the beginning he doesn't do it in the end. So keep your head up and think about you first because apparently he's thinking of him first.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
sounds like a great relationship! :D Of course people can deal with having sex twice a day! As long as you don't get pounded constantly!!! You know what I mean..... Astroglide is an awesome product!! Just tell him that sometimes you are just plain worn out and he can have it if he wants but it'll be his performance....I bet after a few minutes you'll be all into it hehee :)
workin9to5 workin9to5 10 years
Other than talking to him about it nicely (honesty always helps!) a good idea that I've put into practice is initiating sex with him earlier in the evening rather than right before bed when you are the most tired. For instance, are you both home from work at say, 7:00 p.m.? I used to think, okay time to cook/have dinner now, but now I I think, okay maybe this would be a good time for sex. Start seducing him when the time is right for you instead of waiting for him to make a move on you at 11:00 when you are ready for bed or early in the morning. And try to make time on the weekends for it as much as possible so you can sleep in mornings and take cat naps! But if he's still being unreasonable about it, you need to be able to talk to him. He should understand that you still love him and having sex but you can't do it whenever he wants; it just doesn't work that way. I'm thinking it will die down a bit on its own's only been six months and guys always have unreasonable sex-pectations in the beginning!
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