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DEARSUGAR and Creeped Out Clarissa need your help. Her ex is stalking her in a really freaky way. He never talks to her, he just stares, watches and waits to follow her wherever she goes. It’s as though he is getting ready to pounce on his prey.

Personally, I think that I would call the cops on him already. How long are you going to let him lurk around, it’s been almost two years. Does anyone have helpful experience with handling ex lovers stalking them?

Dear Sugar
Two years ago I was engaged to a guy and broke it off right before Valentine's Day. Out of nowhere he began making excuses of why he couldn’t spend time with my kids or me. After a few months of this I became fed up. I thought I was going to marry my best friend and my life partner, and he was turning into a selfish jerk right before my eyes.

After I ended things, I tried to talk to him so that we could have some kind of peaceful closure, but he refused. That’s when things started to get creepy. Any time I went out of the house he would follow me. If I was at a bar, he’d just stand there on the other side of the room watching me, but never speaking to me. This went on until about six months ago when he moved away with his parents.

I was so happy to finally be rid of him, I felt like I could even think about dating again, however….he is back and he moved in right next door to me. He got his old job back and has rented a room out in my neighbor’s house.

Now every time I come home he comes out onto the porch and just watches me and my children go inside. My friends and family say I should just wave at him and ask him why he's back – but if he wouldn't talk to me then, I doubt he’ll talk to me now.

I really can't take the watching anymore, it’s really weird and it’s incessant. I thought it was awful when I’d see him at the video store or the market, but now he is living next door. Help! Can someone please give me some advice on what I should do him? I want him out of my life for good! Creeped Our Clarissa

Join The Conversation
kittycat kittycat 10 years
thats really freaky and scary. how do u sleep at night? get a good security system. call the cops. get restraining order. in mean time consider moving a viable option. get a big protective dog to protect u.
Marci Marci 10 years
Stalkers usually remain stalkers. They don't just go away. I had a guy who turned up everywhere after I broke up with him. At my job, where I'd go with my friends, he'd sleep in his car across the street from my house. It was scary. We called the police but they said there was nothing they could do since he hadn't actually *done* anything, which wasn't very comforting news. I ended up leaving for work one day and just disappearing; not coming back for a few months. I stayed with the sister of a friend; someone I'd never met before; he'd arranged it all. When the boyfriend tried to turn up at work, they had been made aware of the situation and he was escorted off the premises by security. I was lucky; there was divine intervention. He met someone else and transferred all his obsessing onto her. But I'd say be careful, see if you can get a restraining order against him. The fact that he parked himself right back next door is scary.
peppermintpoot peppermintpoot 10 years
Please go to the police station and file some sort of restraining order against this man! Its no way to live, having to look over your shoulder at all times. Do yourself, and your kids a favor, and get a restraining order against this creep!
soccer_obsessed soccer_obsessed 10 years
lolak lolak 10 years
God!! this is really scary please be very careful. Do you have the means to move? he sounds like someone who can turn violent at any moment. try to get yourself out of there and definitely let the police know about it try recording your report if possible to get them to move a bit more. What ever you have to do, even if you have to step on anyone's toes to get some protection, don't be hesitant and this is not the time to be considerate of anything. You and your kids come first.
Daisy6264 Daisy6264 10 years
I have seen this happen before. Since he has not approached you, I doubt they will give you a restraining order........those are hard to get. My friend had the same problem. He finally gave up when she got a boyfriend.
Fancy04 Fancy04 10 years
Sorry that is not love. The guy is sick. ___________________________________________ Brad is so hot!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
i was in a sort of similar situation. unfortunately i don't think you could get a restraining order. he lives near you but has done nothing about approaching or bothering you. i would definitely tell as many people as are willing to listen and document everything that might be related (hang up calls, car vandalism, following you around). he's not mentally stable and you can't really have much faith in the behaviors of a guy who acts this way so be very careful. unless you move out of state and leave no forwarding address he will likely follow you. he's obsessed so i agree that you should not speak or other wise encourage him in any way because no matter what you do it won't be "enough" for him. hopefully it won't escalate but if it does you will need a restraining order and saying you have had contact that you initiated will not help your case. good luck to you. i'm bringing naughty back :naughty_elves:
rustedwings rustedwings 10 years
I've been in a situation that's similar to this myself, and it's hard to watch someone you've been close with change in a negative way and it's even harder to accept that it's happening, and what the consequences of that may be. Two things: 1. By choosing to do nothing you condone his actions and make it easier for him to come back each time. 2. By choosing to do nothing you show your children that this type of behavior is acceptable, both for them to display and for you and your family to suffer through. Go down to your local police station and talk to one of the volunteers about your concerns, they can put you in touch with resources who can establish a time line of his behavior so that if things get weirder they aren't being contacted out of the blue. A restraining order would probably be helpful, because as scary as it might sound, if the boundaries you and he have established aren't being respected the law can and should help. Depending on their character you may want to consider speaking to your neighbor confidentially and inquiring about when the lease is up on his room, and that you have contacted the police about his activity as a precautionary measure. That might take case of your immediate living situation without the expense of moving! Good luck!
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
get a restraining order. this guy sounds really unstable. he could snap and hurt you or your kids.
Moni-B Moni-B 10 years
Firstly, he has no right being on your property, especially if you don't want him there, that's considered tresspassing. Call the police, explain your situation, and get a restraining order. You're putting yourself and your children in danger. ~M~
Jazsama Jazsama 10 years
Inform the local police AND your neighbors. Then MOVE. Or have lots of friends, preferably male, visit you a lot and stare him down when they come over. PROTECT YOURSELF!!!!
bubblygirl bubblygirl 10 years
what a freak thats not love...o my god my brother was engaged to a girl who is bipolar and has serious depression she had to go to the hospital for it and he broke up w/ her she used me to get closer to him and me and her became best friends she is only 3 yrs older than me and it was amazing until she told me how she had sex w/ him and when i confronted my bro about it he said it was true but she denied ever telling me and she said i read her diary...what a creep then we became friends and then she did it again and said i was a whore and it is her who is the whore.....well now she has herpies cuz she got depressed cuz my bro broke off their friendship and so she got depressed and got drunk and did the dirty dirty w/ a random guy who gave her herpies.......KARMA
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 10 years
Go to the police station, and tell them everything. Then ask, what does it take get a restraining order. Follow the procedures, and get it done immediately. If, they can't help you, I would seriously considering moving...this guy sounds nuts.
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