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DEARSUGAR and Confused Coco need your help. C'mon gals, we've all been in this position before where we use a birthday or a holiday as an excuse to contact someone which would otherwise be against our better judgement. Why do we do this?

Dear Sugar
I met an awesome guy about four months ago, however, as soon as we started to date more consistently, I got scared to commit. I have been in some terrible relationships before and I was afraid of getting too close and getting hurt. Instead of giving him a chance, I put a wall up and shut him out. I was quite mean to him and practically told him I wanted nothing to do with him. After our last conversation, he gave me all of the space I needed and I took the time to think about him and our past dates.

I came to realize that he is in fact a really nice guy and that I wanted to have him in my life. About a week and a half later I called to tell him that I wanted to meet up and talk about us. He had changed though and I could sense it immediately. It was as though he was holding a bitter, grudge against me. We got into a huge fight and stopped speaking for another two weeks.

He called me out of the blue one day to apologize for saying some of the hurtful things he said. I completely understood why he was upset and I instantly forgave him. During our talk, I got to see an even more wonderful and sensitive side to him. He poured his heart out to me and I felt terrible for shutting him out. At least I was no longer frightened, in fact, I was falling in love again.

Everything was going well up until about two weeks ago. All of a sudden he's stopped speaking to me. The first week, I felt like he was avoiding me but this week I haven't spoken to him at all. Today I got a reminder on my computer about his upcoming birthday on Friday. I really like him and I am upset about us not speaking, so I decided to send him a text message wishing him a happy birthday on Friday. Why am I using this to get back in touch with him? Is this really lame of me? Confused Coco

Join The Conversation
Bunbunhun Bunbunhun 10 years
Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but why don't you send him a birthday card? it doesn't require an immediate response, and it would show that you thought enough of him to put out a few dollars and the time to pick it out. If he doesn't contact you after that, just write it off as a learning experience.
Luna13 Luna13 10 years
he is being a jerk and is trying to do to you what you did to him. You know, being in a relationship thinking your happy then shutting you out, im not sure but i think he is trying to get his own back. I wouldnt call him and be strong, if its meant to be it will be, you cant push or hurry love.
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 10 years
I think it's ok to send him a text message to say happy birthday but not to use it as a way to try and get back together with him.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
don't text on his b-day. if he's missing you that would be THE time he should be calling you. i have known people that continually pick "unavailable" partners. do you really want to be in a relationship? i suspect that despite all protests to the contrary you do not. but if you do put your efforts into the nice guy that is always kind and solicitous of your opinion. you need to start a relationship in a pattern you are comfortable with. sounds like this one is not so comfortable and even a little anxiety provoking. you can do better.
vbpce vbpce 10 years
It seems that even though you two have some sort of connection, you've tried more than once to make it work and it hasn't. Although sending him a text message for his birthday is a nice thing to do and lets him know you're still thinking about it, I would give it some time (like, lots of time) without trying any more. Neither of you two seem to be in the right place for this to work out now. Doesn't mean it won't at some later point in your lives (hence text message to keep in touch) but don't expect this to bring you two together for another try.
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