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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: We Are Having Trouble Conceiving

DEARSUGAR and Frustrated With Fertility Felice need your help. Trying to conceive can start off as fun but can quickly turn frustrating if you do not become pregnant as quickly as planned. There are so many different fertility factors for each couple.

I would make an appointment with your gynecologist to get a check up before you unnecessarily worry any longer. For those of you out there who have been through this, can you offer Felice any helpful advice?

Dear Sugar
I am 27 years old and my husband is 29. We have been trying to conceive a baby for about five months now but are not having any success. My menstrual cycle is regular and I have been religiously calculating the days that I know I will be ovulating. Do you have any idea how long it usually takes to get pregnant for the first time? Frustrated With Fertility Felice

Join The Conversation
Dionne Dionne 10 years
I am trying right now too, and it has been a few months so far as well. This is the first month I am trying the ovulation kits, and they seem to be working, I mean at least letting me know for sure I am ovulating, so we'll see in a few weeks! But I know what you are going through, and I think everyone is right, all of my friends have said as well as things I have read, that it may take a year, and that is normal, and the STRESS thing, they all say STOP TRYING, and tada.....pregs! haha isn't that what they say about meeting your husband too?!?!? as soon as you stop looking, there he is :) Good Luck!
wonderwoman80 wonderwoman80 10 years
Most doctors will tell you that it takes up to a year before they recommend doing fertility tests, especially if you are in your '20s. It took me 7 months to get pregnant and honestly it happened when I wasn't even thinking about it or concentrating. Even though you're tracking your cycle you could be ovulating later in your cycle than you think. I'd recommend buying some ovulation tests and tracking your LH surge.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Actually it can take up to a year for birth control to get out of ur system 100% it does build up esp if youve used the shot. Give it a little more time and dont try quite so hard. Ive heard doing it every other day is best bc of his little swimies. Kisses and GL ---- I want my way now dangit!
cshkl cshkl 10 years
I had years of infertility and almost every test conceivable. No one could figure out why I wasn't getting pregnant. Trust these ladies when they say stress is killing your chances. It really does affect your body. I set a date several months down the road as being the time I would go back to a specialist for more answers. It took the pressure off in the NOW and I got pregnant. I did also keep a basal body temp chart and knew when my temperature spiked, that I was ovulating. Please, don't stress over this. There are wonderful doctors that can help you down the road after a year of trying. Chances are you'll be fine. IN the meanyime, enjoy the time you have with your partner. Everything changes when you welcome a child ( mostly in good ways). Right now you have the chance to focus on your relationship. Enjoy life!
tina_marie tina_marie 10 years
You can also buy ovulation sticks from You can get 25 ovulation sticks, a pregnancy test, and some WONDERFUL personal lube for only $32. I bought them and it was great - like melissabrit said, you may think you know when you should be ovulation, but not necessarily. These work!! GL
missnomi missnomi 10 years
katie is right, a year is what it takes on average: so no worries! the rest are right too: worrying will only decrease your chances. good luck
katie225 katie225 10 years
it can take about a year for any woman to get pregnant, regardless of whether she was on the pill or not. once you're off the pill, it goes out of your system. there are no residual after-effects of the pill, as far as i learned in my college biology class. and yes, the stress of "trying" can mess up your cycle. calm down.
JessNess JessNess 10 years
DO those old wives tales really work? I wouldnt get tested right now. Its only been 5 months. GIve it some more time before getting tested I like to go to overseas places- like Canada! -Britney Spears
foxy821 foxy821 10 years
All good advice, but sometimes it takes more than just relaxing and propping your hips up after sex (for at least an hour!). An excellent book which has been an invaluable resource for us has been Dr. Toni Wechsler's "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." Highly recommend it for helping you figure out what's going on. Your body is probably just still bouncing back from being on the Pill (I was off for a year before getting pregnant) but it never hurts to be informed since fertility issues are microscopic and mysterious. Dr. Wechsler explains everything really clearly. Typically, doctors don't diagnose fertility issues until you have been trying for a full year. If you hit the one-year mark, ask your OB-GYN for his/her opinion. They might recommend you see an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) who can run more tests. In the meantime, here are some good "old wives' tales": drink grapefruit juice and green tea and take a spoonful of PLAIN Robitussin 3x/day starting about 8 days after your period starts! (It's all explained in TCOYF...) Good luck!
aramas aramas 10 years
GET HIM TESTED! I have several friends who tried and tried and tried, got themselves checked over through and through, did the temperature thing, etc., and it ended up being him. For us exams are invasive, for them they can be fun! Seriously, give him a cup and a magazine and make sure his guys are swimming!
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
Did you just go off birth control? Because its totally normal for that to take a very long time to wear off. Good luck! Don't stress. :D It'll happen when you least expect it.
melissabritt melissabritt 10 years
MBM Don't bother with charting or taking temps...just do this. Accurate & EASY.
melissabritt melissabritt 10 years
MBM 1) the same thing happened to me 2) stop worrying. I know it's hard...everything's okay. 3) go to the pharmacy, or target or whatever & buy an ovulation kit. It looks like a pregnancy test but tells you when you are ovulating. 4) Try it for at least 6 mo before you worry again. 5) Stay in bed after sex :) Enjoy it. Before you know it you'll have a baby & sex is totally different! LOL. This worked like magic for me when I conceived my daughter. It turned out I ovulate reeeeeally late. So when I thought it'd work, it didn't. email me if you are still worrying!! enjoy the holidays. you deserve it!!! xox Melissa
rkdub rkdub 10 years
I agree with what has been said..... stress increases the hormones in your body that make it difficult to conceive. Also, some people just take awhile longer to get rid of the pill or shot effects. If you have been on the pill for a few years, it can take up to a YEAR for the effects to wear off... DepoProvera is like that as well. My mom tried for a year and a half before she had me, and then had my sister 18 months later. Don't worry, buy some karma sutra books and focus on having fun, not having babies!! You are still young too... my mom was 38 before having me!!!
UrbanBohemian UrbanBohemian 10 years
You wouldn't believe it, but I actually found this article yesterday looking for news. 'Procreation vacations' are apparently a new trend....regardless, it seems to take away stress and work because all you have is your partner and some beautiful surroundings. It's worth a read:
JessNess JessNess 10 years
Sillygirl- you are exactly what I was talking about. It seems that when couples just relax they become pregnant a lot sooner. I like to go to overseas places- like Canada! -Britney Spears
sillygirl29 sillygirl29 10 years
All I know is that when I first got married, my husband and i talked about this and we knew several couples that try to get pregnant and can't. So, from the begining, we concluded that when the time is right, it will happen and we wouldn't try. Well, 2 months after we were married, it happened. 18 months later, we had another one. I agree with JessNess on this one. Just relax and enjoy your time as husband and wife and please enjoy the time that you two have alone because when you do have a child, that time is very scarce. :)
JessNess JessNess 10 years
It sounds weird but I think its true (my mom use to tell me this all the time..I dont know why)that when couples try to hard to get pregnant they dont. But once they relax and stop thinking "we are having sex to have a baby" thats when they get pregnant. I know it sounds weird but I think there is truth behind it. Remember that your body responds to stress. If you are over stressing about getting pregnant your body may be reading that stress and think that it is not the proper environment to support an embryo Plus sometimes if you have been on the pill and you stop taking it to have a baby it takes awhile because it is still in your system. OVerall I would say relax and have fun. Dont have sex everytime with the objective of getting pregnant. I like to go to overseas places- like Canada! -Britney Spears
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