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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: Why Can't I Bounce Back From Him?

DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: Why Can't I Bounce Back From Him?

DEARSUGAR and Despondent Despina need your help. She can't seem to shake her feelings for a guy that broke up with her. Although she seems quite grounded and has a good perspective, she's let this guy get so deep under her skin that now this once well put together lady is a mess. How can we help pull her back up?

Dear Sugar
I have been single for the past year now, and I have dated a few nice guys here and there but no one is really making me swoon. I became really involved with one guy who I fell really hard for, but he ultimately decided that he didn't want a relationship with me.

We are still friendly but in a way, I have never really gotten over it. Now, when I am around him he makes it pretty obvious that he's keeping his distance from me and it makes me feel so undesired and unwanted. Because of that, I have been so scared of being close to anyone.

I have never had these feelings before and it's freaking me out! I have always loved being with men and being close and intimate with them has never been a problem. I just don't understand why this is making me feel the way I do. I am generally a very happy and content person. I also know that I am quite a catch.

What bums me out the most is that I know he was never right for me in the long run anyway, yet it still hurts. Now I am deathly afraid of being close to anyone. Is it normal to feel like this? What can I do to get over it? Despondent Despina

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vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 10 years
Yep been there done that. I continued being his friend thinking maybe one day and then realized it was just hurting me so I cut him out of my life, it is very hard to be rejected. while he is a part of your life it will be a constant reminder. Time will heal it and there would always be that fear of rejection, but you got to get past it -- I am still personally dealing with this piece of advice so I know it is not easy when you fall hard. Good luck! Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strenght
honey31 honey31 10 years
Gilrs all of you gave great advice I am so with you on this!
rubialala rubialala 10 years
Everyone here is on the right track. You HAVE to cut him out of your life. You are too close to him right now. If you distance yourself from him, you will forget about him. As you can see, this type of thing has happened to a lot of us, myself included. Get away from him and then give yourself time to heal. Good luck, sweetie. ;)
Stacy14878746 Stacy14878746 10 years
Great advice, all of you! :-) Cut him out of your life and distract yourself, distract yourself, distract yourself. Get busy doing anything at all that does not involve him. You will heal, I promise!
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 10 years
It takes time to heal from a break-up. Specially if you were in love with him. But it takes a lot more time if you're around him and you see him all the time even if you are just friends. I agree with everyone here make new friends if you need to maybe take some classes or stay busy and away from him. The more you focus on other things the less you'll think of him and before you know it you'll remember him less and less. Out of sight out of mind. Its his loss you're a great girl and the right guy is out there you'll find him.
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
good advice, cycy. sometimes it's really hard to bounce back, especially if you see your ex or hear about him all the time. makes me wonder how celebrities do it. find new friends and make a new social circle, take up a new hobby and start over! it's a new year and it's time for a new life. you will feel so much better once you don't have to hear about him all the time. good luck! :)
Cycy Cycy 10 years
I would recommend cutting him out of your life. That's the only way i know to jumpstart the process of forgetting him. He's still inflicting emotional wounds on your everytime you meet. You don't deserve that. You have said yourself you're a catch. Act like it honey! There's someone out there who is going to be so right for you you'll wonder why you thought you'd settle with this jerk. Trust me, I've been there.
Starbrite Starbrite 10 years
in time you forget all about him.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
awwww, this is no way to start the new year. i think the others are right, a clean slate is best, so you probably need to cut him out of your life. distance will give your perspective on at least see why it didn't work out between the 2 of you. sounds like maybe he led you on a bit about where the relationship was going. there is someone out there for you. you're one person closer to finding them now, but i know it's hard at the beginning. 2007?
GolferGirl GolferGirl 10 years
I also agree it can take a long time. I wouldn't still see him that can't be helpful. After my last breakup of a long term relationship, I started volunteering on a weekly basis and that was VERY helpful. That and anti-depressants. :)
sabrinaland sabrinaland 10 years
I agree with Liza - time does heal. I fell HARD for a man three years ago who wound up breaking my heart. It took almost one and a half years to get over him, and I was a total wreck for the first year, despite usually being an easy-going person. But you know what? I rarely think of him now - something I thought would never be possible. You will learn from this experience, maybe things you can't see now, but in the meantime I guarantee you will become a stronger person because of this.
LizaToad LizaToad 10 years
Hey Despina, i had this kind of thing go on before... i really believe that you'll never be able to completely heal from something like this until you cut him out of your life... that's the only thing that worked for me... and then the old saying is true, time heals all wounds.. it took me about 2 years to completely get this guy out of my system, this is a long time, but the good news is, it DOES go away
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