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DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: Are Cliques Always A Bad Thing?

Hey Everybody...DEARSUGAR and Exclusive Elaine need your help. What's your take on the positive and negative side of being in a clique?

Dear Sugar
I've got a fantastic group of girlfriends who really are like sisters to me. We go everywhere together and I feel extremely lucky to have such tight bonds with these smart and fun women.

The only problem I seem to be having with these girls is that they aren't very welcoming to anyone else that is not in our little inner circle. I've made several other friends through my involvement in activities in my community and I hate the fact that my girls aren't warm to them.

They feel we are enough for each other and they don't need or want any new friends. I can respect that, but I don't want to have to drop my other friends, do I? I wish they were more socially evolved. What can I say to them to help them to become more easygoing about new friends? Exclusive Elaine

Join The Conversation
findblancomeow findblancomeow 10 years
i agree with georgie... my two best friends don't really get along that well. it has made for some uncomfortable moments but nothing life threatening, and i would never cash in my friendship with one to make the other happy. just do your best to be mature about it, even if your friends don't always follow suit. if the problem escalates, maybe you'll want to reevaluate who you spend the most time with, but as it stands it just sounds like you are a fun welcoming person that lots of people want to hang out with! we should all be so lucky!
georgie2 georgie2 10 years
I don't really understand the problem. While it does seem rather selfish and rude to not be welcoming to your other friends, not everyone gets along with everyone else. Doesn't mean you can't be friends with both groups? You can be friends with both groups, without forcing them to be friends. It is harder having to keep them seperate, but it is not impossible to maintain more than one circle of friends... does that make sense? Maybe if they see what good friends these new friends are, they will be more accepting. I would think if your inner circle of friends sees how much this new group of friends are, they would be more accepting. I just know not all my friends like each other, but they respect me and our friendship enough to not force me to chose. Gah! Excuse my rambling...!!
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
that would be " obviously NOT as secure as you ".....sorry, it's late and I'm tired....
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
They're obviously as secure with themselves as you are...girl, have as many friends as you want, if they 'out' you., lol`then they were'nt friends to begin's a big world chica*
rkdub rkdub 10 years
And besides, people that are threatened by the possibility of you befriending other people are very insecure. They should be comfortable in how amazing and smart they are, and be comfortable enough to know that just because you make more friends other than their group, it doesn't make them or you any less fabulous....
rkdub rkdub 10 years
bubbly - wow, that was one hell of a run on sentence.... Cliques are ok when you are in high school and don't know any different. But when you get into the "real world" it's all about who you know, and if you only know five people, you are going to have a problem..... think long term.... Are you ALL going to live in the same town forever? Are you always going to work together? Raise families together? I take it you are probably in middle school or high school, and trust me, in college you will find the answer pretty easy....
bubblygirl bubblygirl 10 years's great that u r making new friends but they might think u r replacing them i am in the more popular clique at school so everybody i talk to says and so it's really hard to get into my lil group of friends we r all welcoming to pple but if we dont like u then why bother talking to u thats how we all feel about it i like cliques but if ur mean to pple then u need to check urself seriously i'm not mean to ppl i like but i'm alos not the nicest person to pple i dont like
herbiefrog herbiefrog 10 years
to answer this qeustion properly one would have to go back to basics what is a friend ? put yourself in their place... what are their motives ...however hidden ? what are they *hoping* for ... know your friends : )
Nicadema Nicadema 10 years
It is GREAT to have a close group of friends--but not if it prevents you from welcoming new ones into your life. Why would they deny themselves knowing other terrific women who could be friends with them as well? It is a selfish and self centered reaction on their part to reject your new friends. You should be honest with them about your feelings and stay true to yourself. If you want to be social and continue to make friends then do so. If they continue to resent it and be jealous of that part of your life and don't want to be open to it...then these women aren't the true friends you may have thought them.
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