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DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: How To Cope With My Family's Miscarriage

DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: How To Cope With My Family's Miscarriage

DEARSUGAR and Sad Sis need your help. Miscarriages are unfortunate, disappointing and very personal between couples. It would be difficult not to just run over and be with them, but it's also important to give them privacy and time to mourn their loss. What are ways that you can reach out and still keep your distance?

Dear Sugar
My brother in law and sister in law were due with their first baby April 30th. My calculations couldn't have made them more then a few weeks pregnant but they had told many people. Today we received an e-mail from my brother in law saying that they had very sad news and that the pregnancy was not developing normally so a miscarriage was imminent.

They asked for us to respect their privacy during this difficult time. What is something that I can do or say for them to let them know that we are here for them? I've gone to pick up the phone a zillion times today, but somehow I don't know just what say.

I've had girlfriends who have had miscarriages and that seemed a bit easier than this one. We live close by to my brother in law and sister in law, so I could go over and see them - but I am not sure they want guests. All that they did was send out this e-mail. Do you have any suggestions?

Join The Conversation
heatherp heatherp 10 years
that is so tragic. i like the idea of a card and then as things die down, perhaps you can invite her to a funny movie or something to distract her. sweets are always nice. and of course you can ask waht you can do to help.
MAGPIE33 MAGPIE33 10 years
I myself am 3 months pregnant(due April 21)and I have been having a difficult pregnancy so far. There have been many times when I have had bleeding and have had emergency doc visits and sonograms. It is a pain and a fear that cannot be fully understood by anyone who has not experienced it. To lose a child (even so early on) is a REAL loss and a devastation. I am so far so good but many times the phone has rang w/ relatives and friends wanting updates and to say they care but to be honest most of the time I just let the phone ring. It is a very personal and sending a card is a way to acknowledge it without intruding. To call or to stop by may be very unwanted a this time. The most difficult thing has to be that a child is gone and since it was so early they haven't named it, known the sex, or even have a body to bury. I can only speak to how I would feel but since they sent an email and didn't call that a pretty sign time to leave then alone for now.
sofi sofi 10 years
I would definitely send a thinking of you card. Tell them you feel very sorry and would like to talk but want to give them space. Tell them to call you when they are ready. I always feel weird when that happens to a friend. I have children and it was really easy to conceive and deliver, so I feel slightly guilty when talking to someone who can't have kids or loses one. Just a strange kinda guilty feeling like I might be the last person that they'd want to talk to. But I will always offer a card- it's just a nice thought without being to intrusive.
tabloidprincess tabloidprincess 10 years
I would call them like you want to do. Try to express my feelings but keep it short. You don't want to keep talking about it because it may make them cry. :(
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 10 years
Send a sympathy card. Write on it everything you need. DO NOT go over, call, or even reply to the email (not that they'll be checking their email). A card is definitely the best choice. if you live close, maybe you could deliver it yourself instead of spending the extra day the post office requires, if you feel that they need to know now. A card on which you've written how you feel isn't intrusive at all, but it still conveys lots of feeling.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Definetly give them the space they need. Maybe a thinking of you card? Let them know ur there but not there up in there faces chances are they want to get past this together b4 the worry with explaining or feeling the need to explain to everyone else. Kisses and good luck
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