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DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: My In-Laws Don't Know That My Dad Is Gay

DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: My In-Laws Don't Know That My Dad Is Gay

Hey Guys,
It's that time again for you to help a sister out. Here's the latest conundrum from Disturbed Daughter. What are your thoughts?

Dear Sugar
My parents got divorced five years ago when my mother walked out on my father. The reason she left him is because my father admitted to being gay after being married to my mother for 36 years.

My immediate family has just recently been introduced to my father's boyfriend (who is 36 and quite handsome). I am close to my in-laws but they have no idea the real reason for my parents divorce.

We will soon all be getting together for a big extended family dinner and my father plans to bring along his new boyfriend. Should I tell my in-laws about him in advance, or should I just let them figure it out on their own? Disturbed Daughter

Join The Conversation
Rebecca-Stearns Rebecca-Stearns 10 years
Thank you for all of the comments. I appreciate your feedback!
Psylocke74 Psylocke74 10 years
To be honest, thinking that it's going to be a big deal is making it into a big deal. There is nothing shameful being gay and you will be surprised how many people are ok with it! By all means mention it if you feel you need to but your father is obviously comfortable bringing his partner to a family event so then so should you be. Forget about what other people's reactions may be, just enjoy your day!!
Regular_Lady Regular_Lady 10 years
I'd leave it to your Mr. Keep it casual - something like, "I don't know if you know this or not, but Disturbed's father is gay. He'll be attending the dinner with his significant other...." Add a: {{{shrug/no big deal}}}
missnomi missnomi 10 years
I'm with cottoncatie, mention it but only subtly so that the message is: I'm fine with it so you'd better also be! ;) good luck!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
you have enough on your plate girlfriend. your husband needs to have a heart to heart with his parents and let them know in advance that your immediate family (read children) will be impacted more by how they react to their other grandpa than by grandpa's choice of a romantic partner. it's really not about them, it's about respecting a situation. i would also mention to dad and his partner that on the first go-round (at least), you would appreciate them keeping things very "light" and letting people come into 2006 one event at a time. and most of all, remember that you are just a bystander; people are responsible for themselves and you have nothing to explain.
FrugalFranny FrugalFranny 10 years
I would maybe get your fiance to casually mention something see their reaction and then you can mention it again later. He can do a "oh did u realise her dads boyfriend is coming?" and if they react well thenyou can do a "oh btw did I tell you that my Dad is bringing his new boyf/parnter" at dinner the next day or something like that.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Oh just be like yah my dads bringing his boyfriend very nonchalant and casual if ur ok with it then they have to be bc they have to be nice =] gl I had something like this cept it wasnt my dad was gay lol but its a suite issue not public imo gl girl and things will turn out ok
siouxsie siouxsie 10 years
oh tell them in advance cuz it's never a good idea to just "wait and see" how some people will react. let them react before they meet him..if they will at all.
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
I think you should definitely tell them in advance. They'll appreciate the heads up so there aren't any awkward moments. I don't think you need to make a big deal of it though. Just a quick mention.
cottoncatie cottoncatie 10 years
i don't think it's a big deal either way, but personally i would mention it to them so it's not awkward. you could just be like " everybody's gonna be there--my mom, my dad, my dad's boyfriend..."
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 10 years
I would tell them ahead of time- the last thing you need is them all wispering and giving them strange looks while trying to 'figure it out' and make the connection. Just let them know ahead of time, I think it will make the situation much more comfortable since they will all understand.
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