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DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: My Handsome Handyman

DEARSUGAR and Intrigued Isabella need your help. She's crushing her contractor, but he's about to be married. She says that it's tough to meet someone as fabulous as him in her small town, but if she acts on her feelings she could break up her relationship.

Personally Isabella, as much as you like this guy, have you ever considered that maybe you want what you can't have? He is taken and that means hands off! I believe in karma, and if you steal him, then just think about what lies ahead for you? What do you guys think?

Dear Sugar
I know I am going to come off as a home-wrecker, but I am falling in love with a guy who is practically married. He's my contractor and has been working on my house for the past three months. Over the course of many trips to Home Depot and a recent plumbing crisis, we have gotten to know each other pretty well.

He hasn't tried anything or has even remotely made a pass at me, but I think he's falling for me too since he's stopped charging me for work a while ago and has dragged little projects out longer than necessary to spend time with me.

How do I let him know I'll be available if he breaks up
with his girlfriend (hopefully sooner, rather than later) without sounding desperate? We live in a very small town so it's not easy to find someone that I feel compatible with. Intrigued Isabella

Midnightkiss4u09 Midnightkiss4u09 10 years
It would be hard to deal with.
chlyn chlyn 10 years
I feel bad for Isabella. She's in the throes of longing, and we just threw a big bucket of cold water on her: "Step back from that man! Now!!" Not what she wanted to hear, I'm sure. Here's a girl who's not seeing anyone, can't find anyone in a small town, has met a man she enjoys talking with, and thinks he enjoys her company too. She just wants to clue him in that she's interested. Isn't there something gentle we can say? Let her down easy? Isabella, this has been an exciting time for you, having this man come to your house for three months. You enjoy talking to him, and he seems to enjoy talking to you. Oh, how I wish he was available to you! You have probably imagined going on dates together, waking up with him, him moving into your home with you and continuing to work on your house. What a happy life you could have! We both know this man has already started down a path with another. I have no comment on whether it would be OK or wrong to try to divert him from that path. I do think it would be difficult, and possibly make you look or feel foolish. Maybe, from what others have said, you can see his conversations with you in a different light - as "making nice" with a customer. I wish this man would drop everything and claim you for his own! Wouldn't that be wonderful? In the meantime, we have to let him go on his own path. As hard as this might be, can you forego daily chats with him? Can you find an excuse to be out of the house, or busy in another part of the house, when he is working? Put some emotional distance between the two of you, for your own sake. Let him be. I believe you are destined to be in the arms of a man who loves you. I wish it could be this man that is in your home every day. But most likely, he's not the one. Keep busy, stoke your own fires, sing your own songs, and wait for the *available* man. (((HUG)))
vmruby vmruby 10 years
He's taken, he's made a promise to marry someone else and he's definitely not fair game. Besides even if he was that interested in you he's had enough time to end his relationship with her and be with you.Put yourself in her shoes. If you were engaged to a man and someone had a crush on him i doubt you would be so understanding.........enough said.
ccsugar ccsugar 10 years
I'd hit it. Then just keep my mouth shut about it ;) JK!!
Escape Escape 10 years
Taken is taken. If he was interested in you, he would let you know. How would you feel if women were coming onto your man whenever you get one. It's just wrong. Think of her feelings too. ~~~ Niki ~~~
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 10 years
If things are meant to be- it will work out. Dont push it or be a man-stealer. What goes around...comes around...
JessNess JessNess 10 years
You may think that the contractor not charging you is a sign that he likes you but really it isnt. A lot of times when you build a relationship with a person you hired ie contractor or mechanic they tend to start doing nice things for you like charge you less or nothing at all. My moms mechanic is that way. he just charged my mom $275 for a $1300 job (repairing my front axle). She basically got it for free. Doesnt mean the mechanic is falling for her Seriously just keep it at a crush and NOTHING more. Finding a good contractor is pretty hard these days and you really do not want to do anything to ruin your relationship with him
Marci Marci 10 years
My last boyfriend was a contractor and he told me so many stories about how women come on to them. I agree that he's being really nice because he's working for you. And men who do physical work just seem to be very appealing to women. Even the most unattractive contractors get a lot of action. This is really no different than crushing on your doctor or dentist, but you wouldn't dream of making a move on them. But there's something about these guys that makes them seem more approachable or something. And almost every woman I've ever known who had work done in her apartment or house always says that their contractor was coming onto her. Hmmm..... These guys are professionals, doing their job and being as nice as possible to whoever they're working for. It's the women who have the fantasies for the most part, I think. And these guys definitely take them up on it sometimes. I've heard the stories! But remember that they have families or are getting married, and you should keep the relationship professional.
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
Val is right on as usual.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
speak now or forever hold your peace (piece, lol). he isn't married yet, so personally i a think it's okay to say something right now. if he has feelings for you it's no kindness to anyone involved for him to marry another woman. you need to realize though that if something does go on with you and him the way you met will pay a part in your future relationship. could you send him off to work everyday without wondering what the real "project" was he was running of to?
Kratsina Kratsina 10 years
Seriously, I think your seeing things that aren't there. He's super nice to you because your a customer. The work on your place is taking longer because it's a contracting job. They rarely finish on time even with the best of contractors and this one has you buzzing around him all the time as a distraction. He has a woman. Don't be a skank. Leave him alone.
Running-Bunny Running-Bunny 10 years
Crush all you want, but leave it at that
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 10 years
Fantasizing is okay, but keep it to yourself, it's not right to break up his relationship. Why don't you ask him if he has any friends he could set you up on a date with? He's probably stopped charging you for all the work he's doing because he thinks you two are friends. If he really is such a great guy then I doubt he would be willing to chuck out his long-term love for a fling with someone he's only known a few months.
SLB SLB 10 years
Be sure your feelings are true. If you truly feel that way and feel he feels the same go ahead and tell him. Life is to short, do not live in fear of what people will think of you just for following your heart.
L7amiguita L7amiguita 10 years
Here are my thoughts... 1.) How can you TRULY fall in love with someone in 3 months??? (*insert confused smiley face-I don't know how to do that) 2.) If he was really into you, he would have left his girlfriend/fiance already! 3.) If he indeed DOES leave his girlfriend for you after only knowing you for 3 months, what does that say about him? If he is willing to do it to his gf, he will more than likely do it to you once you are in a relationship with him. 4.) What GOES around, COMES around. Believe me, if you are the cause of a break up, it will come back to bite you in the butt...
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
it's fine to fantasize and have a crush but don't do anything about it. it's not nice and you will probably regret it.
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