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DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: Should I Keep This Secret In The Closet?

DEARSUGAR and Eye Witness Emily needs your help. What do you think that she should do about catching members of two separate couples making out in a coat room?

Dear Sugar
Saturday I went to a birthday party for one of my best friends' husband. I was leaving and went into the coat check room to grab my jacket and I saw one of my other good friends making out with the birthday boy. They were really going at it, this was no mistake. Their hands were all over each other, her shirt was open and they didn't even notice me.

I know that they were very drunk. It was around 2am and the party was still going strong. What am I supposed to do? Do I tell my friend that her husband is cheating? Do I tell the other woman's husband that his wife is cheating? I can't help but wonder if this was the first time this has happened? I was witness to some serious passion. Help! Eye Witness Emily

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lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 10 years
Take your friend out to lunch, have a serious talk with her. I would tell her. Then don't bring it up ever again. They'll deal with it themselves.
SWEET-C9363 SWEET-C9363 11 years
not to sound like a total bitch bt i have enough problems without gettin in the middle of this mess
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 11 years
Hi, I'm BeachBarbies' me GI Joe (less the private area). LOL. By the way, I'm 44 years old. BB asked me about this and we have been talking about it for over 20 minutes, and she wanted me to tell you my thoughts: This is a toughie, without more info. For example, do they have kids? Does he "otherwise" treat her well? How long have they been married? Has she cheated on him before? Has he flirted with you or others...that you have witnessed? In other words, does he have a propensity for fooling around on her? Because, things could get very ugly and possibly dangerous...who knows what truly dwells in the minds of men or for that matter...a vindictive woman while her cheating man sleeps...Bobbit, ring a bell? Be careful under any circumstances because, both could lash out at the messenger...but these things normally come into the light and end up contributing to America's 50% divorce rate...then there are STD's, etc to worry about on those involved. That's my two cents for now...regardless, wish you luck. :)
sofi sofi 11 years
It's your BEST FRIEND! Confront the guilty parties first and tell them you know and will have to tell your best friend unless they take care of it. Things might get tense- but you did the right thing and if they are angry or uncomfortable with you- do you need them as friends?
Tiinnaaaa Tiinnaaaa 11 years
I think you should tell... If he's cheating she should know.
yayita yayita 11 years
couples intervention
Regular_Lady Regular_Lady 11 years
Yep. Stay out of it. More than likely, this was a one-time drunken thing. If they have been having a long term affair, they'd know better than to possibly tip their hand by going at it in public. If you tell the innocent spouses, you'll be creating a lot of hurt and heartache. If you suspect in the future that there's something more going on, confront the guilty party only.
findblancomeow findblancomeow 11 years
it sounds like i'm in the minority but i would stay the hell out of this situation. if you really feel the need to say anything, call out the two lovebirds in the coat closet before you start running your mouth to your friend. if they didn't have sex (and we don't know that they did) i wouldn't want to know about their closet rendevouz if i was the wife. it's a tough situation but i'd stay as far away from it all as i could.
siouxsie siouxsie 11 years
yeah im with you toronado..i would say something..maybe like adriana said..with an anonymous note or something...
Toronado Toronado 11 years know, normally I'd advise her to stay out of it, but you know, they could be sleeping with these people, then going home to their significant others and passing something very BAD on to them. It's almost certain they'll eventually be caught, but the question is, how long until they are? A week? Two weeks? A month or longer? AWFUL, dangerous stuff can happen in such a short time, and should something happen, how would you feel knowing you could have possibly prevented it by revealing the truth? So I think you are very much justified in telling them both what you saw. And if you're going to tell them, do it now. Would I tell them? YES.
Adriana42 Adriana42 11 years
i wouldnt tell them upfront..annoonymous email is a good idea..
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 11 years
Oh, God....I don't know. Of course if it was me, I would want to know. On the other hand, if someone came up to me and told me that my husband was cheating, I wouldn't WANT to believe it. I think an anonymous letter would be the best way to handle this. That way, your best friend can do the investigation herself. ---------- Formerly known as Shawna
bjupton bjupton 11 years
You leave it alone. In this case, the messenger is almost always shot. No good can come from meddling. If it is a regular thing, then your friend will find out eventually. If it was just a drunken mistake, do you want to be the one that helps destroy a marriage?
lickety-split lickety-split 11 years
i've actually changed my stance on this. i wouldn't say anything and would act as though i knew nothing if it came up. i ran into a good friends husband and another woman (a single friend of hers that i was acquainted with) at a street fair. they were holding hands as as i approached them they kissed so there i was when they came out of it. i just glared at them and said nothing. i waited a couple of days and then called my friend who suggested we go to lunch. we did and she poured out a big story about her suspicions regarding this woman and her husband. i told her what i saw. for a few weeks we talked a lot but then one day she told me it was nothing; i had not seen what i thought i had seen. her husband will not even look at me now (although he is fine with my husband) and unless i run into my "friend" i never talk with her, and then it's "hi, good to see you". i lost a friend over what? i use to be very "if it's not my responsibility then who's is it! the spouse has a right to know". but now i think that marriages are the responsibility of the 2 involved and any outside influence, how ever good the intent, is unwelcome.
murphy103000 murphy103000 11 years
Tell the cheaters what you saw. Don't wait for an explanation. Tell them you really do not want to be involved, but that they need to come clean to their partners. The end. Perhaps this is something that is acceptable in their established relationships, or perhaps your friend is cheating with someone and it's fair game. Who knows...confront the cheaters and have them come clean.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 11 years
So the woman is your best friend and you saw her husband being a sick pig with one of your other good friends? If the best friend who's husband was celebrating his birthday is like a sis to you, bust the idiot out. I know I would tell my 'best friend' in a heart beat, actually, knowing me I would've called everyone over to the closet, especially the wife and husband of both of your pig friends* People kill me with the marriage stuff and it don't mean s*it to em* "why" get married!? Being drunk is no excuse, it's a cop out..
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 11 years
That is a tough one. Honestly you're taking a big risk because your friend is going to hurt a lot. The husband will apologize and she might forgive him. Then it will be really weird between you too. Maybe you should confront the other girl you said she was your friend too. Tell her you saw them and that its really messed up that she would do that to a friend. Maybe she actually has a concience and comes clean.
L7amiguita L7amiguita 11 years
Man, he has guts doing this at his own birthday party! Wasn't his wife there as well? I agree, she must already know he is cheating...why else would he take such a big chance of getting caught? (Hopefully i am understanding the story right! :))
Daisy6264 Daisy6264 11 years
She probably already has a idea whats going on.
cubadog cubadog 11 years
Definitely go with Gracey on this one. You never know what your BF isn't telling you about her marriage she could already know and not want to tell you. I have friends that are in what is considered an unconventional marriage and I was shocked at first that they were into that but they are happy.
addy addy 11 years
i agree with gacey on this one. give the cheaters an opportunity to tell their significant others before you just jump in and tell, putting yourself even more in the middle. it would be easiest just to tell the cheaters what you saw and tell them they need to tell them by a certain day (not to give them any wiggle room) and say that if they dont tell, you will. i think your best friend absolutely needs to know. if it was a one time drunk escapade, than they can work thru this obstacle together. if it has been on-going, its a huge deal and again she needs to know. i had this situtation happen to me which is why i feel so strongly about it. my best friend found out my boyfriend had cheated, told him to tell me by the weekend or she would. he did and i felt better hearing it from him and thankful for my friend to value me enough to tell me. its a sticky situation but i think this would be a good way to approach it.
Nicadema Nicadema 11 years
I have to agree with gracy on this one, but if you don't want to become personally involved then t0xxic's advice of sending an anonymous letter or email to tip off the wronged friends is a good idea. That way it won't come back to you, but as "someone" who witnessed this behaviour and had to come forward. What the "wronged" partners want to do with that info is up to them.
honey31 honey31 11 years
Tell her man!
gracey gracey 11 years
I would go to the cheaters and talk to them first. The other party will only react negatively to the news and not want to beleive it anyways. You will end up the bad guy. Trust me, talk to the cheater(s) let them know you know and that they must confess to their partners.
t0xxic t0xxic 11 years
can u do an anonymonus email? lol jk I think u should but Le is right put ur self there would u want to know or can u deal with this in the back of ur mind
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