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Are Daddy Issues Real?

If you've ever listened to Dr. Drew Pinsky for an hour, you know a thing or two about daddy issues. While there's no question that the way we're raised and the people who care for us help shape who we are, the notion of daddy issues has always bothered me. I find it frustrating that every time a girl makes a bad decision regarding men, it must mean she has daddy issues, and every time a woman has a less-than-ideal relationship with her father, she'll always be attracted to that same kind of man.

I don't question that a relationship (or lack thereof) with your father can have a profound effect on your life, but I do not think that it necessarily means a woman is incapable of having a healthy relationship with a man. What do you think? Are daddy issues real?


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alia123 alia123 8 years
I think the reason everyone hates the word "daddy issues" is because the term itself seems to treat women like children. People don't walk around talking about how men have "mommy issues" even if it is an accurate portrayal of the situation. Like everyone else here, I think "daddy issues" are real, and they do not excuse, but often explain people's actions. Whether or not people choose to move past their past, their background still affects and influences who they are, either way. My father spent most of my life either criticizing me or ignoring me, and it's very much affected my self esteem. I always feel badly about myself, and am still working on growing a better opinion of myself. Thankfully, I am somewhat strong willed by nature and have never allowed myself to be pushed around, but I think that even that trait been borne out of my rebellion against my father. Because I had a very unhappy childhood, I can believe people when they blame their past for their problems. I think that people that say "just get over it" do not understand two things - One, that no matter how bad you think your situation is, some people have been faced with horrible things which you cannot relate to, and there is no way to know if you would fare better in that situation. Second, even if you have been through exactly the same thing and have taken the responsibility to decide your own future - God did not create everyone equal - some people are more sensitive than others by nature and have a harder time overcoming difficulties, and even this kind of genetic resilience is a matter of good luck and good fortune. Finally, sometimes you have other experiences in life that also define who you are. Friends, teachers, mentors, and colleagues can all make a difference-for those people that have gotten ahead with their lives, I am sure that there has been a defining relationship that has given you hope and made you see the light - so to speak. So for anyone out there with "daddy issues" there is hope! and the future does not have to resemble the past.
minithumbs minithumbs 9 years
i watched my father kill my mother when i was 2 along with my grandfather. that is just the start of my family problems. so yes daddy issues are real. i am on the verge of suicide because all my problems travel back to not having a father and there is nothing that can fix me.
FrankiLee FrankiLee 9 years
I really think it all depends on what went on in the father-daughter/father-son relationship during childhood/adolesence. I do think that the relationship you have with your father does have a certain impact on how you choose men to have a relationship with in the future, what you are like in the relationship, etc. My father cheated on my mother several times during their marriage, and finally they separated when I was in junior year of high school. My brother and I were aware that they were having problems before this. My father is a computer engineer, who programs fingerprinting and facial scanning systems for many different countries. He is definitely a workaholic. He was always gone from home, and when he was home, it was like he wasn't really "there." Since he was such a workaholic and never spent any time at home, he was hard to relate to when he was home, and we never had anything to talk about. It was always awkward and uncomfortable to talk to him. It felt like trying to make small-talk with a stranger. All of these factors have shaped the way that I am as a person in relationships with men. It is hard for me to let my guard down and really trust someone, and it is also hard for me to talk to my significant other about my feelings. Luckily I have a wonderful boyfriend who dealt with the same situations that I did as a child, and it has been relatively easier for me to talk with him. I believe that it truly all depends on each relationship. Everyone is different. Daddy issues definitely exist, but I don't think that they are always an excuse for every woman.
jessy777 jessy777 9 years
I do not blame my father for my bad choices in anything. I take personal responsibility for everything I do. I think people who claim "daddy" issues like to place blame when things go wrong. My father abandoned my family when I was 13 years old (he was absent a lot until that moment) and I have seen him since. My relationships with men are as normal and dysfunctional as everyone. I do not believe in these issues and blaming my father for anything makes it seem like someone else has control over my life and that is not the case.
madamoiselle007 madamoiselle007 9 years
daddy issues are real...but its how you handle them. my mother did a great job filling in the void for me. i dont tolerate much from men, and that i learned from her. sometimes i see guys coming a mile away as well, and something in me still seems to gravitate towards them...i hold back though. its all a balance.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
my dad was (is) a ho-bag. and now no one can pull crap on me, because i see them coming a mile away. i think that this theory is varied. i think how our mother's deal with relationships is what f*cks us up. but that can be varied too.
dameneko dameneko 9 years
strong, healthy, loving, and vibrant women who own their actions are not born. they are made. awareness is the first step, and friends and family can help immensely in this regard, but ultimately it is up to us to choose truth, love, life, living with integrity, and happiness for ourselves. seeing women who obviously do not love themselves can bring up a variety of reactions in people who consider themselves stronger than *that*...often these women remind us of people we know, or sometimes remind us of ourselves when we were broken and weak. while it may be very tempting to condescend upon these women for being vapid or weak, we must ask ourselves, "what does this accomplish?" does this improve the situation or feed our ego? YAY, we're "better" what? perpetual victims and chronic complainers need to ask themselves...are they doing anything to help their situation or are they feeding their need to be "right" by being wronged? i believe in tough love and holding others accountable for their actions, especially people who have used victimhood for too long to escape responsibility, but i believe this must be done in the spirit of helping another woman become strong, NOT showing how much "better" or "more evolved" one is. and by helping i mean helping people help themselves, which means letting people hit rock bottom on their own when they won't take responsibility for their lives. we were all young and dumb once, no? ~namaste~
Community-Manager Community-Manager 9 years
This is clearly a very sensitive topic and I must ask that everyone respect each other's opinion regardless if you agree to disagree. Please be sure to report any comments that are attacks on other members! thanks team
bransugar79 bransugar79 9 years
I think daddy issues are very real. i don't however think they are an excuse for having a life filled with turmoil and bad relationships. I have not had a good relationship with my father and it has manifested itself in my past relationships. but at some point we all have to make a decision as to whether we are going to let our pasts rule our future. For a long time I felt ugly and unworthy and I didn't believe I would ever find a man that would want to be around me for life. I had to do alot of soul searching and go through some heartbreak and pain before I figured out that my da's problems are his. I am NOT the reason he abandoned me, he is. I can't do anything to change who he is or the fact that he chooses not to be responsible for his decisions. All I can do is be the person that I am and put my all into being a loving caring avialable human being that someone will love. I have found someone that I know I will spend the rest of my life with and I am glad that when I have daughters they will not have to deal with the same feelings of worthlessness.
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
I think it may just depend on the person. I've never even known my father. I know his name and things about him, but he doesn't even know I exist. And I've never felt the need or desire to find him. He's a very good man from what I know and the circumstances which led to my situation were not bad at all. My mother and him had simply gone seperate ways before she knew she was pregnant. My mother got married when I was 3 and my step father was around until I was 15 and they divorced. Me and my stepfather did NOT get along for a huge majority of that time. None of this has ever had any effect on my life. I've seen people really upset for not knowing their father or having a bad father figure and I just don't understand it. I don't think they are being ridiculous or wrong I think it's just the kind of person you are that determines how you are going to react to certain life situations.
macneil macneil 9 years
I have a terrific relationship with my dad, and he never lost his temper when I was growing up (or ever since). He always gave me praise for clever things and told me I was pretty. I don't know if there's a link, but I've never been treated badly by a bloke, never had my heart broken or been cheated on, never felt I needed to put out to keep a man interested when I was a kid. I do sound like a prig now (and a bit of a dick) but I'm just saying how it was. But for that reason, I've told my husband he should never get angry in front of our daughter (because I don't want her to be afraid of men) and he always has to encourage her. Not really a problem because like most dads with baby daughters, he's gaga about her.
Lourdan_Hazei Lourdan_Hazei 9 years
I just get frusterated by the present societal mentality that just makes up some excuse for everything and that so few people take responsibility for their actions, choices, et cetera. Sure, "daddy issues" are definitely a real thing for some women. I'm not even going to say that my own sister and I might not share some given our choices in past menfolk. What I will say is that we acknowledged them and made conscious choices about who we chose to spend our lives with. :) Don't cop out. If you make a bad decision, make a mistake - learn from it! ;)
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
I do think so- to an extent. My father always being away for business I know makes me feel that I always want to have my boyfriend around.
nikecold nikecold 9 years
I do believe they're real, I gue your point that not EVERYTHING and anything should be blamed on daddy issues but I for one can't get myself to trust men just because I've witnessed my faher's behavior and its completely sickening to me that someone could be so heartless to somebody who they have a loving relationship with. Also since a very early sge I used to say I never wanted to get married just because I got a really good example of it when growing up. Not every bad decision we make should be blamed on our relatonships with our father, but I think its a lot easier for someone who hasn't been affected by a bad father daughter relationship to say this is all crap, and its just women trying to find someone to blame. I find that a lot of issues I have today are a direct effect of my father and my relationship, it doesn't mean I don't take responsibility for my mistakes, I do. But I also realize that many things I choose to do or think have a lot to do with my father. Its just the way it is, I'm not whining or moping about anything, I'm just being real. As for Clarient, believe it or not other people here have REAL father issues as well.
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