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Dangerous Online Relationships

Group Therapy: Worried About My Friend's Online Relationship

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

A lesbian friend of mine met a girl online about 2 weeks ago, and the two of them are both quite taken with each other. I think that maybe something serious could come of it, the only problem for them is distance. My friend wants to plan a trip to head down south to see her new online flame to meet up in person and see if they really are made for each other.

I'm stoked she found someone that she feels this way about, but am a little concerned. My concern is that my friend is 20 and her unofficial online girlfriend is 18. Additionally, they are both currently living at home and come from families who wouldn't approve of the trip. My friend wants to leave in July and is going to have to pay for everything because her girlfriend's parents will not allow her to travel, or allow my friend to stay at their place. So, in addition to the cost of the flight, my friend is also going to have to pay for her own hotel expenses for the entire week.


I want my friend to be happy and I'll even help her plan this trip, but at the same time I'm worried that this might be too serious, too soon. It's a lot of money to spend on someone she just met online and I'm at a loss for what to do. How can I tell her I'm concerned without being the bad guy? I definitely don't want to throw all this negative stuff at her . . . should I just leave it be?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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katialoves katialoves 5 years
your friend is young and even if she wasn't part of life is wasting money. obviously she is ok with the spending needed for this trip (if it happens). personally i wouldn't want to be the only one spending on making a new relationship work but this is the kind of mistake people are going to make no matter what you say, id hold your tongue
jenjen82 jenjen82 5 years
I would let it be. As long as there are no red flags or obvious danger that your friend could be putting herself in. Does your friend have the kind of common sense and street smarts to make this journey and not be so niave or dumb to get herself killed or into a major pickle? (sounds kind of extreme but I had a friend who was so naive about life that I don't know how she's still alive to this day the idiotic things she would do.) Your friend is young and people of all ages go through life and make mistakes and have adventures. This will be one or the other for her and it is her adventure and journey to go on.
JessicaM25 JessicaM25 5 years
lol , don't know why tressugar started marketing that way. Sorry if I misunderstood but happy to know you wouldn't tell her what to do! I agree with luckyducky {there's a possiblity this might dissolve in a few months}. Meeting someone is always exciting and I can see where the actuality of planning of plans comes in but there isn't anything that can be done until much later. Maybe you can just tell her to think about things because you wouldn't want to see her hurt {not saying you do}. Then just let things pan out. I'm sure everything will be fine. I've seen this happen so many times and it's always worked its self out in one way or another. :)
steammachine steammachine 5 years
Oh gosh no, I would never tell her what to do! (my post btw) I'm totally behind her 100% because I want to be supportive. I just, I dunno, want her to think about it. *side note* agreed about the ad!!
JessicaM25 JessicaM25 5 years
Ugh the NYE ad is so annoying. Okay, I agree with your concern for your friend but keep in mind that they are both adults and a lot can happen from now to July. They have been talking for 2 weeks and that is so brief to make plans. If you want to show concern, I would ASK if this is something that she really wants. Don't just go around telling her it's too soon because she might get upset. Be supportive and guide her. Don't go around telling her what you think is a good or bad idea. Be a good friend. Goodluck!
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 5 years
July is seven months from now. So although it may be too soon for them to be making such plans now, at least the plans are made for much farther in the future. And also, it's your friend's decision to make, not yours. She's all hopped up on the excitement of meeting someone new. That will fade with time- most likely before she meets the girl. There's also a possibility that the relationship will be dissolved in a few months time. No one can predict the future. So, in the meantime, just support your friend.
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