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Dating an Addict

"Help! I'm in Love With a Manipulative Addict!"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

OK, I have just joined because I need advice, and I am too embarrassed to tell my friends about my problem.

I met a guy about six months ago. He told me he had drug problems in the past but that was over now. He was perfect. We moved very quickly and two months in he was living with me. After a few months of pure bliss, I received a credit card bill. Then another. He had been taking my cards and run up an $8,000 bill between them all. I still don't know how I'll pay them off. He told me he bought stuff for us and he had no idea he spent that much. After two days I kicked him out. He swore he would pay me back and he has paid about $500 in the past couple of weeks.


We began talking again and I agreed to let him come over this past weekend to stay. We had a blast until he went outside to talk on the phone. When he returned he was slurring and acting weird. After an hour or so of trying to communicate with him about what he took, he became unresponsive and overdosed. After a night in the ER, he was fine and sober again. I made him leave and he told me all the things I needed to hear to believe it would never happen again. I know this is wrong and I need to cut ties. I know I should've called the police when he stole the money. I just can't help but feel he is the one and for some reason we should be together. I love him. I don't know how to get away.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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henna-red henna-red 4 years
U know this us a couple of weeks old, but by now, I'm hoping it's really come home to you that at this point you are now liable for all of that money that he stole from you via your credit cards. I'm hoping that some cold, hard reality related to your bank account, your credit, and the fact that this could follow you for the next 10 to 20 years, messing up your life, will help you to understand the absolute necessity of getting this guy out of your life, and of making a police report about the theft. This is about choices....the choice to clean your life up or not. It's the same choice that he has. And by the way, the words addict and manipulative go together.....always. Your real need is to find out why you want/need to be in a relationship like that is only about taking advantage of you, taking from you......why is this ok with you? What is it that's holding you back from even wanting something better. That's what therapy can help you with. Until you know those answers, even if you get out of this relationship, you're going to end up in another just like it. Do the work for yourself, with yourself, on yourself, and get yourself a great professional to give you direction and help you learn the skills you need.
Donna-Freundt Donna-Freundt 5 years
For starters he lied when he told you that his drug problems were a thing of the past, then he steals your money. You cannot trust him. The thing bubbles said about addicts having a ultra seductive fun front is 100 % true. They only appear to be that way though and you will end up wasting your time if you stay with someone like that. I know that you feel like you two need to be together and he is the one for you, but trust me the negatives of being with a drug addict outweigh the good times you have together. He's already given you a $8000 bill. Do you really think someone who does that is going to change?. You must get yourself out of the relationship now, it will only get worse. Addicts will try and make you feel sorry them as well, but you must not get involved and try to fix them because you will end up broke and neglected in the end. You won't ever come first to an addict. Don't be tricked into staying in this relationship. Save yourself from the misery now. Good luck hope you make the right choice for yourself.
Sherrilee Sherrilee 5 years
The best thing to do is unhook yourself from this man. Count your losses and move on. You have too much to lose yourself and everything you have. Addicts will play on your emotions, make you believe anything to get their way. Don't be a soft pushover. Stay away from this guy. He is nothing but bad news.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 5 years
It's going to take a lot of effort on your part to stay away because you're hooked yourself. Addicts can be very addictive because many are really good at hooking people with a ultra seductive, fun front. There are free support groups for those involved with drug addicts in the Anonymous 12 step programs. I suggest going online and finding a few groups in your area and just go ASAP so you have a real support line. If you can get it, therapy too. And there are lots of self-help books for those who are involved with drug addicts. You'll find out you're not at all unique. Good luck!
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