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Dating Multiple People at Once

How Dating Multiple Guys at Once Can Help You Find Love

We're happy to present this excerpt of a story from one of our favorite sites, YourTango. Today we learn the benefits of dating more than one guy at a time.

So many of my dating-coaching clients ask me why they should date more than one man at a time. As their search for love heats up, suddenly there are a few guys who are interested, and they don't know how to handle it. The other scenario is that they fall in love too quickly with one guy and end up heartbroken time after time.

Have either of these situations happened to you?

When I was looking for love on my dating journey, I often dated up to three guys simultaneously. (This got tough when all three happened to be named "John," but that's a story for another time.) I wasn't trying to hit some number in the Guinness World Records book. My goal was simple: to find a guy I could date more than three times, hoping this would lead to a relationship.


Frequently, men would drop out after one, two, or three dates. I knew this rejection was about finding a compatible partner. Being realistic, the guys were seeing more than one woman at a time, too. You might as well just accept that fact. Since there was no way to know who would stick around, I dated as many guys as I was interested in at the same time. That's why I’m an advocate for "volume dating." I dated 30 men in 15 months to meet my husband.

This is very different than dating more than one person long-term. Let me explain what I mean by "dating." From my perspective as a dating coach, dating is only the first four to 10 dates. Once you have an unspoken date on Saturday night, you have moved into the first phase of relationship.

I point this out because within the first few dates with one man, you shouldn't allow yourself to feel so emotionally attached that seeing someone else would be a problem. Remember, until you're in an exclusive relationship where this has been discussed and agreed on, you are free to seek out other partners. So I want to be clear — a few dates is not by any means a relationship.

The problem comes in when women feel prematurely attached, which keeps them from being willing to date other guys. This limits your options before you know you are on the right path. That's how heartbreak happens — when you think you've found "the one" after two dates, and then he never calls again.

This is why dating more than one guy at a time is a very smart strategy to find lasting love. It's:

  • Fun and exciting
  • Effective for meeting lots of men to find the right mate
  • A smart way to boost your confidence and improve your dating skills
  • The answer to keep you from focusing on just one man before it's appropriate
  • A way to make you less available, which in turn makes you more attractive

For the rest of the article, head to YourTango: How Dating Multiple Guys at Once Can Help You Find Love.

— Ronnie Ann Ryan

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