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Dating an Overly Emotional Guy

Group Therapy: An Overly Emotional Boyfriend

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I have been with this guy for about one year now. It was a really strange situation, us getting together: I liked him a few years before (but he didn't know) and then we went our separate ways, only to meet again. He started liking me and I was so happy because I had had a crush on him. However, the first time we went on a real "date," he had a breakdown and was crying for about an hour about his past. I was really surprised and honestly thrown off and uncomfortable. However, I swallowed the discomfort and went on.  

Throughout the next few months he wanted to hang out with me every second of every day and I shouldn't have, but I did, because I liked him and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He ended up being extremely sensitive and jealous, having crying fits a few days every week. Now I am in a different country and we keep talking over the phone and I am not sure if I like him that much anymore. Well, I think I do, but I feel like there are too many things I've "swallowed" over the past few months. However, I REALLY don't want to hurt him, and I know that it will absolutely kill him if I break up with him. Plus I am going back to college next semester and he will be there probably bugging me if we have broken up. I can't see myself without him but I can't see myself with him. I lost most of my friends because I was with him 24/7 and I'm scared to make a new beginning . . . it's also hard to picture myself with any other guy. What to do.


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Join The Conversation
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
He needs health insurance and a psychiatrist not a girlfriend. I feel sorry for him in a way, but he needs help. The professional kind. Someone who can give him a prescription becuase he needs one. He's a sinking ship with his crying act and and he keeps your leg tied around the anchor. I would try your best to help this guy out and a human being but pull away from this relationship. Its not fair to you. If he really cared about himself or you he wouldn't be acting this way.
LilGlamDiva LilGlamDiva 6 years
Perhaps you're a better woman than I, but I wouldn't have continued it after the first date. Dramatic crying meltdown as a first impression? Hmmm red flag anyone?
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
OP, Believe me, I understand exactly what you are going through. You are a very kind and helpful person, and you have come across this guy who you really feel sorry for. He touched your heart, and you think the strong feeling you have for him is true love. (It is not). You know that you have to break up with him, but you are not sure how to go about it. What you need is reassurance and encouragement to do what you need to do. There are several people here on his forum who would be more than happy to give you the reassurance and encouragement you need, to do what you need to do. You can do it. I know you can. I have confidence in you. You also need to look into why you got yourself into this mess in the first place. Once you do, I think you will find that you have motivations going on inside of you that you are not aware of. Also, if you can, you should watch a movie about a controlling husband called Waitrress. See if you can see any similarities between your situation and the woman’s situation in the movie.
Beauty Beauty 6 years
He isn't in an emotionally healthy place, and here's the important thing: If you stay in this relationship, YOU will be in an emotionally unhealthy place, too. Staying in a relationship out of obligation or guilt is not good, especially at your age. If I were you, I'd move on. Realize that yes, you may hurt him in doing so, but the alternative is that he stays mopey and jealous while you just feel more and more miserable in a relationship -- which is bad for both of you.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
This is very dysfunctional. Please, for your own well-being, break it off before it gets worse. Nobody enjoys feeling like they may have hurt someone (unless they're twisted), but you need to cast that fear aside and remove yourself from this relationship. He is showing major red-flag behaviors and this could end up much worse.
dexaholic dexaholic 6 years
You should end it, and it sounds like you know it. If after you do end it and he doesn't leave you alone, don't be afraid to go to the police. They will set him straight with a warning. And be sure to keep a copy/log of all his attempts to contact you. Good luck and be strong!
Skeptic52 Skeptic52 6 years
If he broke down crying on you right sounds like you're a rebound and he was just using somebody to fill in a void. The whole thing sounds creepy. It's no wonder you're losing interest in him. You know it's not going to get better, your feelings for him. It's time to break it off. And, in a situation where the guy is a threatener and uses your emotions and guilt to attempt to control you, it's best you do it far away and with some support. I've been in a similar situation. I dated a CRAZY guy in college, not for very long, but he was pretty psychotic. He had been home-schooled and raised in this tiny bubble and had crazy ideas about relationships. He actually moved into the building across from mine in my apartment complex in another city miles away from the university. He was nuts. The best thing I could do was recruit a bunch of close friends who understood the situation and danger and ask them to help. I stayed away from the place for a long time and made sure I always had someone around for a long time after we broke up. I wanted to make sure he couldn't come by an try to guilt me or be abusive. He came by a couple of times, but there was always someone there. Even at midnight when he didn't expect it, my family was there. He got the picture and laid off.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
Run and don't look back....this is about as dysfunctional as it gets.
goodguywannabe goodguywannabe 6 years
I agree with Betty Wayne, this may be self-esteem related. Alternatively you may be a person who has a hard time being assertive and sometimes that's founded on beliefs about it being uncooth/aggressive to disagree with people...but definitely get away from this guy. He could well be a predator disguised as a victim...I've seen guys pull off that act a few times
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 6 years
lanwa is right about his behavior being a sign of potential abuse in the future, I mean she's 100% right. Just tell him that you're not comfortable in your relationship with him and stick to it, no matter what he says. I promise, there are men out there who won't have crying fits multiple times per week, won't demand every minute of your time, and won't isolate you from your friends. By the way, this guy cries for an hour about his past- on you FIRST DATE- and you keep seeing him? What does a man have to do on a first date to scare you off- punch you in the face? Run over a puppy and laugh about it? Whip out his penis at the dinner table? Why did you even give this guy a second glance after a huge red flag like that? Most women would see that as a total deal-breaker. Why is your self esteem so low that you think you need to settle for that sort of craziness?
lanwa lanwa 6 years
A very common occurrence in an "ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP" is that the abuser isolates you away from other friends,family,interests outside of him. I know, b/c I've been there- They call all the time, manipulate you whenever you want to do things for YOU that don't center around them. You can't help him by staying with him.they threaten to harm themselves even, but his health is entirely HIS choice, as your freedom is YOURS. I vote for YOU. Distance yourself clearly, but please have an exit strategy from this relationship-ie; let friends and family know about your plans to distance yourself away from this predator disguised as a victim. Have a few places to stay, new phone numbers,etc. lined up. When you change on a narcissist , they can get angry and even violent- so prepare yourself, and get out! Don't waste anymore time- do whatever you have to do that he hates to distance yourself, or make yourself unappealing, so he will move on to his next victim. The worst thing is, they play with your head until you blame yourself about the situation.GET OUT!!!!!!
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 6 years
"I am going back to college next semester and he will be there probably bugging me if we have broken up." So you think that by not breaking up with him he won't bug you? This guy needs to get into some therapy and probably medication. You can't continue to see someone like that without it hurting your social life, your school work, etc. Just end it.
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