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Dealing With Depression in Relationships

Group Therapy: Depression Is Impacting My Relationship

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I worry about my mental health, and it's been taking a toll on my relationship. Has anyone had to deal with depression while in a relationship? How did you cope? Or has anyone been on the other side and had a family member or significant other with depression/other mental health issues? How do you maintain your relationship and your sanity?

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nbnb nbnb 6 years
I struggle with depression and am in a relationship. Go see a therapist, this is essential. Talk to them about medication as it can be very helpful. Look into meditation, it really helps deal with stress and anxiety. Books like "the mindful way through depression" can help you with this. Communication is essential. Its super hard, but I try to tell my boyfriend when I'm depressed (we even have a code word, because sometimes its hard to utter the words, "I'm depressed" when you are...there were many times when I would try my hardest to keep my voice level when I was crying on the phone with him because I didn't want him to know how bad it was, but that does not help at all!) Also reach out to family and friends, when you are depressed, it is very easy to isolate yourself, but this will only make it worse. Do not be embarrassed! Even though its hard when your depressed, the key to to be active, get out of bed, go for walks, do yoga, eat right, when you take care of yourself physically, it is easier to deal with mental problems.
fingerscrossed fingerscrossed 6 years
Medication is a hard process and you have to play with dosage and brands. It worked for me because I do believe in the aid of med's but it can be a trying process. I agree with the getting out of bed and doing something exercise or anything. I make excuses and rationalize why I can't do this or that. You must ignore that inner voice and go out...for me once I am out I am usually okay, its just getting out the door that I find challenging still.It corny but it is truly one day at a time, until you find what balances you. And then it may be continuing with that motto. Depression can be the result of an "issue" or it can be genetic, as it was said you are not alone!
lauraxtc lauraxtc 6 years
I have dealt with depression all my life and I have also seeked therapy. But during that time I was still young and did not take it too seriously, I also took medz for my anxiety. They put me under xanax and that got me really sick. I think my brain was becoming addicted to it and if I missed a dose I felt like I was dying. HORRIBLE. I carefully got off that and I now not using any medz. I wouldn't say I am depressed now, but I know I have been especially after having my two boys. I know though, that for fact, I have anger issues that I have never addressed. I am now trying again with therapy and taking it seriously. You have to want to change and find out why You feel that way. I know that I want to know and forgive myself. Having good friends helps, exercising, writing, staying positive, Good luck to us all that have issues and want to find happiness. We are not alone.
Eair Eair 6 years
I second exercising daily. I get up out of bed every morning have a snack/water then hop on the treadmill for my VH1 fix. Whatever works for you!
goodguywannabe goodguywannabe 6 years
Good book for the partners of those with depression called 'Living with a black dog' by Matthew Johnstone. It's a picturebook so I hope that won't seem patronizing, it's just very accessible. Like the other posters say medication and therapy have good success rates, or both together.
fingerscrossed fingerscrossed 6 years
Hey, I have been there with depression. I noticed the signs and ignored it for a while. I felt like I was loosing my mind and did not want to leave the house. It did destroy my relationship and it was mainly because they did not understand, and were in denial that I had a problem at all. I ended up going on medication and I felt better. After a little over a year my doctor suggested I try to go off them and see how I feel. Well that was not a great idea, I felt horrible. I was anxious, had racing thoughts, hated being in my own skin, had no focus, did not like anyone, and knew I was not okay which scared me the most. So I nervously made an appointment and went back on med's. I did not want to admit I needed help and could not control the symptoms myself. Slowly I felt better and better. I am still a little hyper and unfocused which could just be me but I am going to ask about it again at my next visit. I decided not to inform my family this time around. They had no idea why I had depression or where it came from. They blamed it on external things and the people in my life. Every time I saw them they asked how I was and the way they did that felt like a judgment or some kind of unsettled/unspoken nerves that were between us. It is hard not to tell them but I think it is for the best. I hope you seek help. I tried counseling and ended up withholding my true feelings to hide how little control I had over the illness and I did not want to loose face, which was so so so stupid. I tried journaling and that is okay in the moments of rapid thought, otherwise it feels as if it makes me anxious to focus so heavily on my depression and life. I love the med's and the sense of sanity they bring to me. Good luck!
Eair Eair 6 years
Hello. Thank you for sharing. I'm depressed like you. I also happen to be in a relationship with a boyfriend (we live together) who gives me support. I'm tapering my antidepressant medications and everything is going okay and I'm talking to my psychiatrist. I've had success being on medication--I feel more in control of my emotions than ever--but I'm not a fan of some of the side effects (e.g. loss of sexual interest), which is why I'm tapering down my medication. When I first met with my psychiatrist I was not really functioning. With medication and meeting with a psychotherapist, I was able to stabilize myself enough to begin processing my experience with depression, including my relationship with my boyfriend and my depression's impact on the relationship. Because depression runs in my mother's side of the family, I am at high risk of going back to the not functioning level. I have bad memories of not being able to function and my relationship with my boyfriend, but I have better coping skills now than before. Without having the coping skills, I doubt I would even think about tapering my medication. I know that coping by asking for help is the best thing I can do for myself. For example, I just joined a support group to help me continue to process my emotions. I know that I need the support group to continue moving forward and maintaining the life I've created for myself. The support group also takes some of the pressure off my boyfriend when I need to talk something through. Although my boyfriend is supportive by actively listening, it's helpful to be able to talk to the support group whenever. I know some support groups have sponsors you can talk to 24/7. I guess if i could go back and figure out things for myself again, I would have gone to a support group right away. The environment is safe and you can start talking about what's on your mind. Opening up is the most therapeutic thing you can do for yourself because it is a way to move forward. If you are unable to open up, then just observe the support group and actively listen to others. Opening either to a psychotherapist or a support group takes a lot of strength but it is possible to do it a little bit here and there. Honestly, when I recently opened up I was glad to be talking to the support group and not my boyfriend. For me opening up to my boyfriend would be taking it to a different level and I'm just not ready to process that right now. I guess the take away message for me is coping by asking for help and following up by going to a support group. Best of luck to you.
crystaline92 crystaline92 6 years
My fiance suffers from depression. For him it's cyclical, and for a long time I never really noticed anything. Then he suddenly walked out on his job and confessed that he was depressed. He didn't tell me for a long time because he thought I would leave him or think of him differently if I knew...but as soon as I did, things started to get better. We talk about how he's feeling all the time now, and he knows he can tell me anything. I go with him to his doctor's appointments, and know just as much about his medication as he does. Basically what I'm saying is, if you're worried, talk to your significant other. We're stronger, and my fiance is happier and healthier than ever. Worrying and hiding will only make the matter worse, for both of you.
mimi21216 mimi21216 6 years
Mental Health is the "silent killer". It can destroy, families, employment, friendships and "YOU"if it is not addressed properly. Although society judges this illness negatively many suffer from it and never reach out for help ; mainly because of the many stigmas that are attached. I would suggest seeing support from your family doctor which will probably refer you to other resources ( therapist, meds, group). Being mentally healthy is a big part of creating and sustaining a heathy relationship. Good Luck!
pax4pax pax4pax 6 years
Go to a medical doctor and get the meds that can balance you out. Also, get outside more, get some sunshine, exercise, and eat better. Maybe connect with some more active friends.
Life-Is-Never-Enough Life-Is-Never-Enough 6 years
Yes, it is my mom who is suffering from depression. My relationship with her can be out of control and it really affects my emotional because it is hard to keep her in stable and not to put me in her situation. I try to be supportive for her, and she doesn't take my advices when I suggest her to see the counselor. Her marriage has been falling apart. So, I am the one seeing the counselor and ask for options to improve my relationship with her however this cannot be fixed if she does not help herself. Best thing is that if you know that you have a depression issue, just see the counselor before your life falls apart! Good Luck!!
kimberdoll kimberdoll 6 years
Yes, I have suffered from depression and anxiety for many years. Ask yourself how your current life is and if there is anything you could change about it to be happier. Is your current relationship abusive? That could be causing the depression. Are you unhappy with your job/education/living conditions? That could be causing the depression. Do you drink a lot or surround yourself with negative people? That could be causing the depression. Try to improve any negative aspects of your life before turning to the medication. If you are still depressed after working to improve all the negative areas in your life, you may have a chemical imbalance in your brain as I do. Chemical imbalances are real contrary to what many think. After years of being unhappy, I finally went to a doctor. He prescribed me medication and it was life changing. I saw the world in a whole new light, and now I am healthy and happy with an incredible and successful future ahead of me. Lots of people struggle with depression, they just don't want anyone to know about it. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and you aren't alone.
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