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Dear Poll: Is Bad Sex a Dealbreaker?

Now, I know we don’t love to admit that we have dealbreakers, but some things just don’t work for everyone, especially those things that seriously impact a relationship like sex. Sex is a fundamental part of any relationship, and can both bring people together or pull them apart, which is why sexual compatibility is so important. But what happens if the person you care about doesn’t do it for you? I’m sure it depends on individual needs, but is bad sex a dealbreaker for you?


calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
Sex isnt everything.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 9 years
I was my ex-boyfriends first, so I expected it to be not so great. Though I was hoping that as the relationship continued we would figure out wha tthe other liked and it would get better from there. Nup, eventually I got fed up and bored, and because of my frustration little things about him would grind my nerves to no end. I'm not saying I have to have good sex all the time but if we can't figure out what works best for us in one scenario how can we figure it out in others?
g1amourpuss g1amourpuss 9 years
Lol, right ThePerfectScore ..bad kissers are the worst! Before my husband I had a few (well 3) horrific experiences w/men. I thought I was gay (minus my first feme exhusband). But the first time we really hit it off, it was the best sex I had ever had in my life. I figured surely it would suck later on. So I told him he had 3 chances to impress me. And boy did he, he was scared I'd drop him if he was awful at it. I just can't stand guys that are so into it that they fail to notice : You Are There Too [and it's your hole they are using]! I told one guy to use his hand, I was over it. After having such mind-blowing sex with my husband, there's no turning back. Don't get me wrong, there are times when it is like what was that!? And we laugh, but it's like maybe one out of every six times or so.
Fallen85 Fallen85 9 years
Okay I think some women are misunderstanding the whole Bad Sex = Dealbreaker thing! It's not a deal breaker if you have one night of awful sex... everyone's first time together is usually awkward! Unless they start licking your face or beating the crap out of you S&M style then it's not an automatic dealbreaker. You dont know exactly how to please the other person, their likes or dislikes etc but if after you've had sex with them 3 times they still arent picking their socks up and you're learning that their "moves" are bogus... total deal breaker! If he cant read your signals or he wont put effort in to figuring how to please YOU instead of himself... deal breaker!
frenchie77 frenchie77 9 years
It's not - I was a virgin on my wedding night. BUT - I knew before hand that the kisses and cuddles and all were wonderful, and I knew that even if the sex wasn't amazing, we'd be fine. And to be honest, it took a few weeks for it to be good (we were both virgins, makes sense) If we had done it before, and I had the "dealbreaker" attitude about it, who knows, I may have let the love of my life get away... I think sex usually takes practice, for most people.
partysugar partysugar 9 years
I don't do bad sex. Total deal breaker. If the sex is bad, what's the point?
designerel designerel 9 years
Yeah I don't think it's a dealbreaker, but it's a huge factor. I had a bf who I felt an amazing connection with emotionally, but the sex was not great. However, he was my first so I didn't know any better. A few years later I struck up a FwB deal with him but I realized no... the sex is still bad. Haha. He just didn't know how to work it, poor boy.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 9 years
I say its not a dealbreaker, but only because at some point down the road its prob gonna suck at some point and you're going to have to work on it eventually, so...why give up on someone just because it isnt badass right away?
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt 9 years
To me yes...But i did stay in a long term relationship w/ so-so $ex. But then $ex isn't everything even if it's mind blowing... I think my ex will get a major ego boost if he read this LOL!
krissycake krissycake 9 years
I definitely wouldn't say sex is the most important, or that it could be a dealbreaker, but it definitely has to be a priority and it could be a "last straw" situation if it was really that bad. And I do agree that it is interesting how women do connect the physical aspect of being intimate with someone with a relationship, but also, look how it is being framed in the question. I have experienced both ends of the spectrum, from what Fallen85 mentioned (FB/FWB - mine was with a stupid, stupid EX) to a loving, committed relationship where the spark is totally there, but the follow through isn't always, and I can say, IMHO that I much prefer the scenario JudeC describes as the 'emotional connection.' It's all about the total package for me, and as much fun as a FB/FWB can be, it's not the most satisfying in the end.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
this would be a total deal breaker! can you imagine sleeping in the same bed with someone night-after-night and feeling nothing? then you see the hot butcher at the grocery store, the trainer at the gym flirts with you, etc. i see a bad, bad ending.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 9 years
i dont believe theres such thing as bad sex. there is: no chemistry or little chemistry there is: problems with arousal whether it be medical or mental there is: BAD COMMUNICATION sex is all about communicating. if two people are attracted to eachother and don't have any problems with physically having sex, then there shouldn't be such a thing as bad sex just bad communication.
RustyAngel73 RustyAngel73 9 years
it would have to improve over time, or it would be a dealbreaker. but i agree that intimacy, emotions, etc can be part of what makes sex so good.
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 9 years
Deal breaker.. especially if its paired with bad kissing! This is why I dont believe in saving myself for marriage. Gotta test drive that car....
lilwildone1202 lilwildone1202 9 years
i am sorry but it is. its the same tho with a guy who i had lots of sexual chemistry but we weren't romantically compatible but if you aren't sexually satisfied youll *eventually* look other places
CYL CYL 9 years
If its bad at the start and improves its ok...I mean every women is different so maybe what their ex or the girl before you liked doesn't do it for you. Having said that I have the same experiene with bluestar. Best ever was with this guy who was a FWB. But I also realized that the more time I spent with him I started developing feelings..and I just quit cold turkey when i started havging feelings. So I know.. personally I am not capable of having that kind of relationship :P
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
If it's bad right at the start... and there are other things wrong... then it's a terrible sign.
karlotta karlotta 9 years
I've had my share of bad lovers (some were just downright awful! Like the guy who'd look at himself in the mirror at the same time and gush about how handsome he was - LOL) but two of them were guys I really cared about. I guess the first one was very young and inexperienced, and I was very young and unable to voice what I needed (I had no clue myself - my clit what where?) - but the other one... the other one was my ex, and OH MY GOD THE LACK OF CHEMISTRY. And his technique just really wasn't doing it, and he had all those weird quirks... but I "loved" him and I stuck it out and our downfall had nothing to do with the sex. But okay - I was relieved that he wasn't the one! SO RELIEVED. A lifelong sentence of a small penis that hits it all wrong was really a bleak perspective. Thank heaven for my boyfriend, who looks like a total dork, yet masters all the ways, techniques and secrets of the feminine netherlands. Well, of mine anyway ;)
Fallen85 Fallen85 9 years
Totally bluestar, I've had absolutely incredible sex guys whom I dont even like. Like the FB I had before I met my current boyfrined... he was hot and f*cking amazing in bed but ugh he was suuuuuch an annoying a$$hole! So conceited and so dumb but man he knew how to work it. Thank god the time spent with him was never over a couple of hours and rarely ever included any sort of conversation.
bluestar bluestar 9 years
I must not connect sex automatically either, Fallen. The best sex I've had so far was with a FB! Holy fireworks!! Anyway, bad sex is definitely a dealbreaker.
Fallen85 Fallen85 9 years
I dont connect sex automatically, that's why I find this interesting.. not that there's anything wrong wiht either of our opinions. (Hah! Now TeamSugar cant get me in trouble. I'm being a good girl.)
Fallen85 Fallen85 9 years
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with not wanting one.. It's just intriguing to see that so many women automatically connect sex with commitment and love where as men don't make that connection at all. Isnt it interesting?
Jude-C Jude-C 9 years
I wouldn't want to have an FB or FWB. The idea doesn't appeal to me at all. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Fallen85 Fallen85 9 years
You guys cant have sex without love and committment? See thats why most women just can't have FBs or FWBs! So many women connect sex to love/commitment while a whole bunch of men think that sex and commitment are two completely different subjects.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
i agree with the emotional connection. and i think if thats there, the sex can be worked on, no? its all in the communication i guess.
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