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Dear Poll: Can You Have Sex Too Soon in a Relationship?

Whether you’re having it or you’re not, sex is always a personal choice. For some people, the physical act alone is enough to create a pleasurable experience and thus waiting for an emotional connection is unnecessary. But for many, being close to the person you’re engaging in sex with is an absolute requirement, which necessitates more time getting to know each other. Knowing that, I could never distinctly say that there is a “too soon” when it comes to sex in a relationship, but everyone has their own opinion on this matter. What do you think?


calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
yeah, even i dont even date a guy before i know him well. now, im with my second bf. and i dont date for fun. if i date, i date seriously. i love YOUR insight, mesayme :D
calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
im a no-sex-before-marriage kinda girl too. mesayme, caterpillargirl and rossinaross, im with u. and Lerr- that guy is a jerk. if he broke up with u because u didnt do it with him, then the reason he got together in the first place is to do it. dont change ure beliefs for a guy. stick to ure rules. dont let a guy or any jerk turn ure beliefs around.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
Several men I have talked to about this issue admit to me that if a girl sleeps with them the first date, they assume she always does this and therefore don't see her as having gf potential. They will certainly sleep with her, but would not be willing to have a relationship with her. I know, hypocritical. That's men for you. So, I would say wait a bit. Men like the thrill of the chase anyway.
rossinaross rossinaross 9 years
OH lovelie i loved your last part "If you are going to wait, wait for yourself, not because you are worried about what he will think". I think that is exactly what every girl should do, either if you're in my shoes [the virgin kind of shoes], or youre just thinking you did it too soon. If you did it.. you did it. Stop thinking what he might think of you if you do it or don't do it, do what you think its best, what you want to do for you.
lovelie lovelie 9 years
I love your insight moonwater. This is being treated like such a black or white really depends on the person, and the circumstances. And the comments about men not respecting a woman that puts out right takes two to tango, and if they were willing, that doesn't make them entirely respectable either. In which case, why would I want to date someone who is such a hypocrite and values the double standard. If you are going to wait, wait for yourself, not because you are worried about what he will think.
moonwater moonwater 9 years
I guess it depends on how old you are. I was all about emotional connection before sex in my twenties. Now, in my thirties, older and wiser, I know that you can't outsmart a heartbreak whether it is the result of a one night stand or a long term relationship or marriage for that matter. I consider myself lucky to have figured this out. Now I do whatever feels right. If it turns out to be bad decision, I deal with it. I'm a big girl. No regrets so far.
Mesayme Mesayme 9 years
CYL... I won't even date unless I have gotten to know a man. Sex is out of the question. And if I won't let him near my vajj...why on earth is he in the vicinity of my face? It's not willpower it's fear. I haven't met a man I want to itch, take medicine for ever, be infertile or die for yet. Not to mention, rack up tally marks that would scare off a great guy who wants the woman who waited. (that's for the younger girls who need to know that stuff...) And yes, most men will cheat on you, abandon you for a woman who will and there are PLENTY of them out there...let his a* go! There are fewer but better men who will wait. You won't dry up or die due to lack of sex. You need to sweat, and climax get a StairMaster. "he didn't seem to think any less of me because of it... I think we actually made a good first impression on one another haha"... :o If you could hear how those guys talk to the other guys about'd change that tune real quick. I've heard guys trying to pass women off to their friends, cousins, brothers... how can you not impress him if all he has to do is stare in your eyes, tell you how pretty you are...'we just connect in a way I haven't with any other girl' :SICK: Invest in yourself. Please.
designerel designerel 9 years
I think I've had sex too soon before. We'd been "talking" for a while beforehand... but still too soon in my opinion. This has happened in two cases... I'm still with the second guy. And I haven't had the problem where the guy doesn't call after, but it doesn't mean that it won't happen. I just need to take it SLOW next time!
CYL CYL 9 years
Appreciate the insight into No sex before marriage world. All of you certainly have more will power than I will ever have! Kudos to you that you can do it !
ilanac13 ilanac13 9 years
i think that there's a time for everyone and i guess that means that there isn't a 'too soon'. in my mind i always thought that i had to wait until a certain point in a relationship, but if you wait until that time that you have in your head, then there's a chance that you'll build things up too high and expectations may not be met and then it's downhill from there.
rossinaross rossinaross 9 years
CYL I'm a 'no-sex-at-all' kind of girl. Not just the penetration penis/vagina but blow jobs and whichever kind of sex you can imagine, just no sex. Plain like that. && Lerr girl I'm sorry about that dude, but you're better off without him.
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
Well, personally I was anti-sex before marriage until my mid-20s and dated a guy for 4 years and we did everything but. I was totally happy with that until I really fell in love... and I'm very happy I haven't married any of the guys I've been with since (in fact, I'm thanking heaven I didn't!!).
jodie_ohlala jodie_ohlala 9 years
I don't like to follow relationship rules, it's better to just do what feels right to you. Me and my boyfriend had sex very soon after our first kiss, but we already knew each other for a long time. But, we've been together for 4 years! It just depends on the situation
californiagirlx7 californiagirlx7 9 years
"For the no sex before marriage gurls. I am just curious..does that mean NOTHING before marriage or just penis/vaginal penetration? Just wondering..don't have to answer if you don't want to. I understand its something quite personal." Well, I'm just speaking for myself and I don't know how much I say without it getting flagged. Lets just say that I'm against penetration of any kind, but some of the "other stuff" before marriage would probably be okay with me.
stumbler02 stumbler02 9 years
You definitely can have sex too soon. I'm more curious to know if you can have sex too late! Assuming you're not waiting for marriage, how long is too long to wait in a committed relationship?
Lerr Lerr 9 years
a guy recently broke up with me after 2 months because i hadn't slept with him yet. now, i'm definitely not a wait-til-marriage girl, but i do have standards, one of which is to be in an exclusive relationship first. and i'm glad i didn't sleep with this guy because he revealed his true colors!
RustyAngel73 RustyAngel73 9 years
I'm wavering between "If it’s not too soon for you then it’s not too soon!" and "There's definitely a "too soon," but it varies from person to person." But I think more so the first one. If you're ready and it feels right, go with it.
Swen Swen 9 years
I voted for the it varies by person option. Everyone views sex differently, wants different things from a relationship, etc. I think you should at least know the person, preferable know them WELL, but I suppose I'm old fashioned. Even though I understand personal differences and all, I can definitely see some circumstances as too soon. I don't see these cases as healthy physically or emotionally, but I guess people must get satisfaction out of it. I also agree with princesseab in that waiting doesn't guarantee anything either though. You could go out with a man for years, then have sex and things go downhill and you regret it.
CYL CYL 9 years
For the no sex before marriage gurls. I am just curious..does that mean NOTHING before marriage or just penis/vaginal penetration? Just wondering..don't have to answer if you don't want to. I understand its something quite personal. For me sex is such a large part of the relationship I always want to make sure we click on that level before committing to someone for life. But I understand there are other schools of thoughts on this.
californiagirlx7 californiagirlx7 9 years
I would wait to have sex until marriage. If I don't wait (which I'm sure I will wait), I would at least wait until we are in love. If he cares about me enough, he will wait. If he can't wait, then I don't want to be with him.
kiwitwist kiwitwist 9 years
I see that everyone has their own rules. But for me, there is definitely a too soon.
DarlingDA DarlingDA 9 years
My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years, and we had sex the first night we got together, but we were friends for a couple of years beforehand, which I think made it much mroe comfortable. I find if I sleep wtih someone the first date or time we meet, I don't really want to have a relationship with them, and just regard it as a one night stand.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
I am also the no sex before marriage, eliminates all this BS.
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
Oh, and testing is a MUST.
weffie weffie 9 years
I say the sooner the better.. but then I'm not really the relationship type these days. The longest I've ever been with one guy was four years. I slept with him on the first date but he didn't seem to think any less of me because of it... I think we actually made a good first impression on one another haha
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