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Dear Poll: Did Your Parents’ Values Play a Role in Your Early Sex Life?

Growing up I never wanted to disappoint my parents — I still don’t! — but fortunately, my parents weren’t very strict and rarely had to guilt me into things like so many of my friends' parents did. Even still, when I took the plunge and began a physical relationship, I could hear their words echoing in my ears.

Some of my friends were in the same boat and spent many years grappling with their parents' religious beliefs or long-held values, but others could have cared less. So what about you? Did your parents’ values change your behavior when it came to sex?


Join The Conversation
dikke-kus dikke-kus 8 years
The answer is yes. I suppose I did take some queues from my mother. I know this may sound bad but she used to say things like all men want a virgin at the alter and a whore in the bedroom. It can ring true. Also then she made very careful insights into virginity. She would bring up China and India where women were killed or beaten if they weren't a virgin. Treated like dogs or pigs if they weren't and like a princess if they were. Then handing all thier money over and having three kids with the guy and never knowing more than one man in bed. Sounds horrible, but again true. She would add women were better than that in this country. On and on those things wrap around your mind. On the other hand she constantly worried about sex with me too early, but I was the last person on earth to worry about. She never understood I was more concerned with my homework and a personal battle with severe acne. She first explained sex to me when I was ten and told me to be in love was best. She did that because she knew a twelve year old girl who thought babies came out of her mothers stomach. She looked down on that type of ignorance. Later then in high school here she came again with books and waited to talk to me. I pushed the books aside. It didn't really work for me. Anyway I appreciated her dead pan honesty and used the information maybe more than I know. Anyway I stayed a virgin until I felt like it. I never bowed to outside pressures for anything including that. Maybe that's thanks to mom.
Frank-y-Ava Frank-y-Ava 9 years
my mom told me to wait and to have sex and she really beat in my head but i still had sex anyway (and i did it way early like 15). she's more strict in the fact that if i going to have sex def. use a condom and i do. so there shouldn't be any problems. i think if she hadn't made a big deal about it i probably wouldn't have any really thought about it but she did so i did it.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
Nope...MINE did.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
My dad always thought I was getting around ever since I had male friends. He couldn't have been more wrong, but he just always assumed I was up to no good when I wanted to hang out with friends. My mom is a Christian fanatic, and she wants me to wait until marriage, marry a man of my own race with a great career/income, and have a baby or two. She wants the appearance of a happy, Christian lifestyle. Unfortunately, I'm NOT religious, and after she cheated on my dad and yelled at me for accidentally walking in on her and my dad (She says sex is the single most important thing in a relationship, and a child should never get in the way of that between their parents), I decided to disregard her abstinence spiel. I lost my virginity at 18, and when my boyfriend and I broke-up two months after we started dating, I regretted it. Then, we got back together, and it was all good, again. I still think sex is important, though. I've been hurt, too, so I know how ridiculous it is to think getting around is okay because I'm a "liberal" person. You can still get hurt.
simplyfab87 simplyfab87 9 years
She never pushed for us to wait until marriage but rather taught us how to be safe. She made the environment comfortable so that when we did have sex and something went to wrong, we could come to her. I never believed in waiting until marriage even though I was raised in a Christian home, so my mom having the attitude she does was great.
bransugar79 bransugar79 9 years
My mom always told me to wait for marriage which I alwys believed and hoped for myself. When I was almost 18 I lost my virginity and it really mad eme question myself. While I was somewhat concerned with what my mom would think I was really more disappointed in myself than anything, so I don't think it was my parent's values that made me feel guilty it was the fact that their values are my values and I felt bad about giving up on something that had meant a lot to me
nikodarling nikodarling 9 years
My dad was totally negative and presumed I was on drugs and sleeping around or always up to no good, which sometimes left me feeling like their was no point in behaving myself. I mean if you are going to be accused of all kinds of improper behavior why bother trying to be good. My mom on the other hand tried to talk to me openly and honestly. I know for her sex was the one area she was uncomfortable with, still she tried her best and for that I am grateful. A few of my friends when I was younger got into trouble - a really good friend got pregnant at 14 and another girl went to a party got seriously drunk and wound up being gang-raped. These events are really sad but they were great opportunities for my mom to talk to me about the choices we make as individuals and the consequences of our behavior. Seeing first hand what can happen and knowing that my mom was there helped me make good choices.
sass317 sass317 9 years
My mom told me in 6th grade that while she hoped I would wait until marriage that if she was honest with herself that she knew I probably wouldnt- and that she hoped that I would feel comfortable enough when the time came to tell her so that she could make sure I was protected. She was smart enough to know that she couldnt stop me from doing it if I wanted to. She married young the first time and that guy was her first. She didnt want me to marry young as well- so I guess she figured I wouldnt wait for marriage. While my mom would NOT be thrilled with how old I was (16) I think she would be ok with the person I chose, if she knew, which she doesnt. I was always very careful and she did "know" once I was 18 and went to the gyno and got a rx for bc pills. The thought that always resonated in my head was "When I tell my parents that they are going to be grandparents, it BETTER be good news" I never wanted that news to bring them anything but joy. Now Im married and my mom makes no secret about shes counting the days until I tell her we are having a baby. After seeing SO many of my friends have kids young and not married I never wanted that to happen to me.
RaCheer RaCheer 9 years
I grew up in a strong Christian family that believed pre-marital sex was wrong. They never told me to practice safe sex. It was just abstain...period. I practiced that belief all through high school also. I eventually gave in and to be completely honest...I'm still conflicted on the issue.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
My parents, and my religion influence me to this day. My mom especially taught me good values and self love.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
No, they didn't effect my choice. Partially, I think, is because I was ready. Even though I was pretty young, I never regreat it or felt guilty. Later on, I told my mom and she already had an idea of what was going on.
bbkf bbkf 9 years
Not at all. My parents never talked to me about sex, but I knew that they were very liberal about it. They knew I was having sex at a young age, but they trusted me to be responsible, and I was.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
I was lucky. My parents were pretty liberal about sex and allowed me to make my own choices. They never told me to wait until marriage to have sex, not like I would have listened to them anyway. I lost it to a long term bf I really cared about. I don't think it is healthy for parents to give their teens guilt trips about sex or tell them they have to wait until marriage. It is your body, your choices. It is human nature to be sexual and no one (especially girls!) should be raised to feel ashamed of that side of themselves. Society and the media does that too much already. That said, I believe educating your child is a very important job as a parent.
gigill gigill 9 years
I never talked about it with my Dad at all, but my mom has always just kept warning me to have safe sex with all the diseases + pregnancy. I'm sorta going with the flow and so far, so good!
graylen graylen 9 years
haha italianblonde! Not what I was expecting when I started reading about your stepmom! My parents and I were all very religious with strong moral beliefs. The thing I loved most about my parents though is that they pushed us to find what we believe, research why we believe things, etc.. basically making it our own. In that way, they influenced my thoughts. I have abstained because I want to, but I'm glad my parents cared enough to inform me (about sex/protection) regardless of what my decision would be.
italianblonde italianblonde 9 years
When it comes to sex, my family never really talked about it. My mom was negative and told us she just assumed my siblings and I did drugs and had sex every day. My stepmom told me to have sex before marriage so that I don't get stuck with a man who likes bondage. So that's all I got out of them. But I think we all know what's best for ourselves.
bsglrok132 bsglrok132 9 years
My mom would go on a movie screening website every time I wanted to see a movie until I was 17, and see what sex-related content it had. If had the slightest hint of a sexual joke, or whatever, I wasn't allowed to see it. So I understood what she wanted for me, although we never really talked about it. But I didn't care what she thought after she cheated on my dad, so I made my own rules. I'm proud of how I handled everything by myself.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
I agree with paine. When I say my parents didn't have a push talk with me, I only mean they didn't push me one way or the other. They made it clear where they stood, and I knew about sex and consequences, and was very informed.
paine paine 9 years
while some people do fine on their own, without have sex talk with parents or any other family member, others don´t do fine. Religion may have a role to play in it, or not, maybe its already apart of peoples personality or how they turn out to be. I wish my parents had been much strict on me, and had several talks, I got hurt bad. I don´t wanna go into details. All I know is when I have kids, I´ll be very different.
jessie jessie 9 years
well...waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and running into a strange man when you're about 10-13..and having that happen several times..having drunken men pound on the windows in the middle of the night wanting sex..and having my mom tell me to be quiet not turn on the light....then at my dad's house waking up and seeing different woman...i chose to make better choices. i didn't sleep around. because of my parents i saw what i didn't want end up like.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
"their opinions mean a lot to me although it doesn't necessarily dictate what I do." I think that is a wonderful way of putting it.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
I was raised Catholic, but by the time I was a teenager we were no longer going to church. My parents never pushed a big "you can't have sex" talk on me, just gave me info and let me make my own choices. I was the one who didn't want to have sex as a teenager. When I lost my virginity at 21, my mom was the first one I told and we had a great talk about it. It wasn't any different from telling a friend, no judgment or anything.
zombielove zombielove 9 years
not at all. i developed my own morals and opinions about sex. my parents never really talked to me about sex, and still don't and I'm 21. The only time I remember my mom talking to me about anything sexual was when I started 6th grade and she told me to not let anyone touch my breasts. haha.
violinladyfreak violinladyfreak 9 years
My mother has just one partner, so she has always wanted me to be monogamous. She's also the extremely controlling and emotional parent who can make me feel incredibly guilty for starting to date in college. In the end I satisfied her wish by only having one partner like she does. Her opinion has always been annoying and somewhat shaped me into a weaker character in a relationship. It's comforting in some aspects to have a clean slate, but regretful in some aspects too.
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