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Dear Poll: Do You Date or Hook Up?

I just came across an interesting article in this weekend's New York Times. It speaks to the fact that dating is a thing of the past, but hooking up is here to stay.

To help the author understand this new phenomenon, he called upon Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia for explanation. She feels that the pros of hooking up are that it takes the pressure off individuals and puts more emphasis on group friendships. While there used to be a negative stigma attached to those who couldn't get a date, she feels that now all you have to do is hang out with your friends and hope sparks fly! The cons, on the other hand, are that many women hope hooking up will lead to a relationship, but men think the opposite which can create a communication gap.

While this is just a part of "dating life" nowadays, tell me ladies, do you play by the new rules of hooking up first or do you still date the old-fashioned way?


lindssaurussss lindssaurussss 8 years
both, i like relationships and a FWB can be fun. and all those who say hooking up is gross, its easy to judge when you dont know any of the people on here. that being said as long as you respect yourself on what your needs are, and be discreet.
khadeekiinsz khadeekiinsz 8 years
I agree with whoever said "STD=gross". It is gross no matter how you flip it. And "acting on sexual impulses without the restraints of commitment" is just a scientific way of saying whorish. We all know we'll be judged in society. Nowadays people just play around with their sex like its nothing. I'll just "have fun" with every guy that smiles at me. What happens when the right guy does come? You'll regret the number of guys you gave yourself to. I guarantee it. Just look at the STD statistics. But hey, what can you do?
calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
hooking up is slutty, in my view. you shouldnt just do anything with just anyone. u should do stuff with someone special. you shouldnt be so cheap. date, find a good guy and then be with him, physically and emotionally.
Lyv Lyv 8 years
Hook ups! While I wait around for the right guy to sweep me away, I might as well have some fun with the wrong ones. :) If you honestly see harm in that, you're probably very sexist/sad/from the past.
Phunkometry Phunkometry 8 years
I could not just hook up. I strongly associate the physical with the emotional. Even if I'm physically attracted to a person, I don't want to take it to another level (even just a kiss) until I get to know his mind better first. I need some sort of connection.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
So I guess hooking is basically having open relationships with your friends? If sparks fly, you do whatever, and after the night's over, you just screw the next friend? I'd rather be friends with someone, get to know them more, and if we make a connection, we go from there. Doesn't have to be totally serious, but if it heads that way, why not? At least I'd know this person and know about them, rather than jumping into things with a stranger...then finding out surprises later...that's just me at least I guess.
mack2600 mack2600 8 years
allesmogliche, saying "STD=gross" is so beyond offensive. first of all, angela123 is right -- people had pointed out STDs earlier and that subject was cleared by saying hypothetically protection was being used and you'd known your partner had been tested and came back negative. hooking up isn't necessarily sex with someone you don't know, it could be a friend with benefits. like someone said before, acting on sexual impulses without the restraints of commitment. if you're so worried about the image your impulses would project or the "label" people might give you, then why do anything in life? you'll always be judged, you should be secure enough to rise above the cynicism and stigmas of others to pursue whatever it is you may want to do -- which may mean having random hookups as long as you are safe. if you are later planning on having a serious and committed relationship, your partner caring about your "reputation" should be a red flag. but you did say you should make sure they don't have an STD first, which i agree with.
FashionLuvr FashionLuvr 8 years
I have done both. I definitely prefer dating, but sometimes you just have to scratch the itch (hook up).
rellicDragon rellicDragon 8 years
I have been single for longer than a year ... and I have to admit that i do both ... hook ups (Casual and safe non committed ) and I date men too (trying to look for relationship) ...
Angela123 Angela123 8 years
I still don't understand why all of you are equating CASUAL or NON-COMMITTED sex with UNPROTECTED sex...the two are not at all necessarily the same thing, and unprotected sex is not the issue being discussed here!
allesmogliche allesmogliche 8 years
Although this is 2008, hooking up still has many negative ramifications for women. If you plan on finding a relationship later in life, the reputation you build up, or STD's you can contract (condoms do not always work, and that's just about the only way to keep them out effectively) will have an effect on that. It's sexist, but men can have multiple partners and people are fine with it. Women are skanks for it. The main problem with hooking up, is when you hook up with someone you don't know. You should always know if they have an STD or stalking capabilities before having sex with someone. If you're not sure, than keep your pants on. Also, the future problems that can be caused by hooking up with friends should be considered. What if you do find someone you want to date? You introduce him to your friends and later they're guy talking and it comes out you've slept with a few of them? How do you feel about girls your guy has slept with? Men are jealous creatures when they're serious, much like women (usually, at least, there are swingers too...but again, STDs=gross). Not to mention, just because you don't get attached doesn't mean the guy won't: guys are not just after one thing. They may think about one thing quite a lot ages 12-25 but there is more in there than sex. and if a guy likes you as a friend, and then has sexual attraction towards you, there's a chance it will develope into more. If you want to take the risks of Hooking up, go ahead, but keep in mind how many STDs are spreading around these days, keep it out of the workplace (professional women have enough trouble to overcome without the skank label) and remember that the word "epidemic" is not used lightly. HIV and AIDS are an epidemic. And they have yet to cure them, or find good treatment for AIDS.
Ms_Magnificent1 Ms_Magnificent1 8 years
Personally, I date...I don't just want to randomly hook-up with someone just because.
Angela123 Angela123 8 years
I hear you Vanilla. I didn't read anywhere in this post where Dear mentioned anything about having unprotected sex with lots of people. That's not necessarily the definition of 'hooking up'. The post is about dating vs. hanging out with your friends and acting on any physical attractions that may occur, without the commitment aspect of a real relationship.
Vaadsfweytes Vaadsfweytes 8 years
I can't believe so many people can be so judgmental. After all, it's year 2008. Not everyone is looking for a relationship. That doesn't mean that they won't have a relationship later on. I'm not ready for a relationship right now because I feel that I'm too young to be in a serious relationship and would like to focus on my career first. I also think it's important to date around and learn about men before committing. I'd like to be in a relationship later on when I'm ready, but till then, I prefer to just have fun and date around. I don't see what's the big deal.
said8me said8me 8 years
to add: it's the "why buy the cow if the milk's free" logic. if you are looking for a relationship and hooking up with someone (or multiple people), why would anyone bother committing?
said8me said8me 8 years
hooking up is wicked skanky. ewies.
356UIK 356UIK 8 years
Hm. Whats the dif? Just kidding. I dunno, I've never 'just hooked up' with someone...and I've never hooked up with someone that I was 'just dating'. Id wait for it to become serious. Otherwise it all just sounds like an std waiting to happen :P
cfp cfp 8 years
I do both. I am currently "dating" a few different guys, but I'm still single and I don't really want to be in a serious relationship at this point. I don't think it's being used to hook up with someone and I've done things this way before; I think it's for the benefit of both parties and if both are comfortable with that and are safe, then I say go for it.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
So I'm guessing hooking up means you find someone to have sex with and then move on after the 3rd session? (Excuse my ignorance, someone explain this please?)
pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 8 years
Depends on your definition of "hook up". I wouldn't have sex with just anyone, but I don't see the harm in kissing. My ex and I would make out a lot before we were officially together. We knew it was leading up to it, we just weren't rushing to put a label there.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
I prefer to date.
LoveSarah LoveSarah 8 years
Since I am in a relationship, I don't really do either. Granted we go on dates (when we can!) but, we did start dating because we hooked up first. Three years and going strong!
Vaadsfweytes Vaadsfweytes 8 years
I don't think hooking up with a guy means you are being used. I thought the term 'friends with benefits' existed because both parties get benefit from each other. Some people are just not ready for a serious relationship, but adults tend to have needs. As long as you protect yourself, I don't see why this is such a huge problem. Not all women are emotionally attached.
SusanTeufel SusanTeufel 8 years
I don't do either, I'm married Though before, I only dated. I didn't want to be with a ton of guys, I've only been with one, lol.
Myst Myst 8 years
romantique, I read that report that says, girls are having sex at a younger age. I remember a few years ago a friend of mine had sent me a story about a gonorrhea outbreak in her town right outside of Rochester, NY with 13 & 14 year old. Apparently they had been throwing orgy parties. Here's the statistic for STD Nationwide STD Statistics (Source: American Social Health Association): * An estimated 1 in 5 people in the U.S. has a STD. * Two-thirds of all STDs occur in people 25 years of age or younger. * About 1 in 4 new STD infections occur in teenagers. * Hepatitis B is 100 times more infectious than HIV. * About 1 in 5 Americans have genital herpes, yet 90% of those with herpes are unaware they have it. * At least 1 in 4 Americans will contract an STD at some point in their lives. * HPV and Chlamydia are the most common STDs in the U.S. The number of people affected in the U.S.: * Chlamydia: 4 million * Trichomoniasis ("trich"): 3 million * Gonorrhea ("clap"): 1.1 million * Genital Warts (HPV): 750,000 * Genital Herpes: 40 million affected, with as many as 500,000 new cases each year * Hepatitis B: 300,000 * Syphilis: 120,000 * HIV: 1 million affected, with as many as 45,000 new AIDS cases reported each year For NJ
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