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Dear Poll: Do You Feel Pressure to Be in a Relationship?

One of my oldest friends is currently a fabulous, single girl. While she loves not being tied down, she also confessed to me that the only thing she doesn't like is the pressure to be in a relationship. I guess I always assumed that the pressure came from inside rather than outside influences, but after talking to her, I realized how much friends and family can unknowingly influence your relationship status. So ladies, let me ask you, do you ever feel pressure to be in a relationship?


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megan_4ever_13 megan_4ever_13 9 years
I am in high school and have never had a boyfriend(before u say WOW this girl is weird) it is not because I am ugly or because I have never been asked out. It is because I am not interested. It seems like pressure and stress (i have got enough of that with grades and home life). I mean the guys that ask me out are not altogether nice either or they are my best guy friend and it would totally ruin our friendship if i said yes and later we broke up. My friends have pressured me to say yes to the guys, but i would know if I really liked them, I guess. Just my input on it.
bbkf bbkf 9 years
I've actually haven't been single even one day since I was 14, just traded up and traded up until my husband! So, I'm not sure.
ella1978 ella1978 9 years
I am 29 now and in a wonderful two year, headed toward marriage relationship, but until 2 years ago, I was like a lot of other posters here, about to hit 27 & unattached... At about 24 I went thru an uber depressed phase. I had a falling out with my best friend, I didn't feel good about myself, and I hadn't been able to keep a sucessful relationship going. This depression lasted about 2 years before I finally decided I had to do something about it. I moved downtown, started dressing to impress, workingout to feel better about myself & that next year was very important for me. I gained more confidence, I felt better about myself. Yes, I was incredibly lonely still. I had good friends around me, but even good friends are not a substitue for love. I was lucky that I didn't have a pushy family. My parents married young, and were not pushing me into any kind of permanent relationship situation... they wanted me to take my time. A few months after I turned 27, my friends persuaded me to go to an event at a bar downtown & I just so happened to meet the man of my dreams. I certainly didn't expect it, but I'm blissfully happy now. Everyone has down times, you just have to pick yourself up & make sure you feel good about yourself first. Just my 2 cents!
luxecake luxecake 9 years
Wow, DearSugarLover, it's scary how you took those words straight from my mouth! I am going through the same situation right now. I was always the good girl who was in a relationship until 2 years ago when I broke up with my long-time love. I'd rather be single than be controlled and sad all the time. I'd love to be in a healthy relationship but until it happens, I'm OK with being single. People are constantly asking me if I have a boyfriend yet. It makes me feel extremely pressured to find a worthy guy. I get matched and go on blind dates and all kinds of disasters occur... it's really stressful. I wish it weren't like this. =/
DearSugarLover DearSugarLover 9 years
i think the most annoying thing is "have you found a husband yet?" i mean its not like you just pick one up at the store or something. i was always the girl that had a boyfriend until about 2 yrs ago when i decided i would rather be single than broken hearted. and it always feels like its the people who are in relationships that are telling you "you just have to get out there and meet people" or my all time favorite "it will happen when you least exepct it"...ok that was my rant for the day lol!!
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
I think the older I get I feel like I need to be. I'm in one now but being single isn't the end of the road either.
ccsugar ccsugar 9 years
I don't get much pressure from family/friends, I mostly put it on myself. I'm 26, and my longest relationship has been 6 months, so I really feel like something is wrong with me. Plus, I'm very picky and shy, bad combo! I would really love to be in a relationship, seems like everyone around me is in one. I think more than anything I'm just lonely, yes I know trying to find a bf is a bad solution to that, but I think it would make things a little better. It's hard moving to a different state where you no no one and the people aren't very friendly :(
Marci Marci 9 years
I was the last of my girlfriends to meet the right guy, so I heard a lot of comments about my being too picky. Too picky? You mean, I should give all of myself to someone who doesn't do it for me? Wow. Why? I was always pretty happy as a single, working girl. I felt happy in my own company and did as I pleased. But it was always surprising when someone would make a comment; like a friend of my Mom's who suddenly asked at the Thanksgiving table 'So when are you getting married?' I was like 'ummmm.......never?' And the man who was a client who always asked me 'How is it that a girl like you isn't married?' What can you even say to that? And it does have a way of hitting some kind of nerve.
Lavinie Lavinie 9 years
omg! for real, i definitely feel the pressure from friends. if i meet someone and go out on a date with them - all my friends (mind you they're all pretty much married) start encouraging me that "he may be the one." even if i just think of it as a fun nite out only. grrr... part of being single.
JovianSkies JovianSkies 9 years
My family and friends have never pressured me to be involved in a relationship. I'm disheartened that there are others who have had to feel this way around the people who are supposed to support them! Personally, I don't see what's wrong in not constantly pursuing a romantic relationship. It means that there are more aspects to your life than just being a girlfriend or wife.
Oxymoron1 Oxymoron1 9 years
Hehe, like Schmexy and Hlewis I´ve never had a boyfriend and I´m 23 years old. I have dated many men, but things didn´t result and in fact I´ve had only one relationship (i don't consider him as a boyfriend, but it was sth similar) that was very brief, because we lived in different countries. And yes, I feel pressure, but at the same time it's hard for me to fall in love and because of my studies (I´m a lawyer, but I go on studying) I´m so busy that I barely can go out from home.
hlewis hlewis 9 years
Schmexy, I'm in the same situation! I'm 20 and have never had a boyfriend. The pressure from family and friends is quite overwhelming. I want to have a boyfriend, I just haven't found someone I connect with yet. Hopefully, it'll happen soon.
Advah Advah 9 years
Hell yeah. It's not really direct comments, but just the fact that if you're in your 20s and not a student anymore, you're either someone who loves her job, or someone who wants to settle down. I find it really infuriating; you can't say you met a cute guy without having people asking you why you didn't ask him out or telling you you're stupid not to be interested in him.
kaenai kaenai 9 years
Haha.. I'm all set on the "settling down" thing. I've already gotten married and had kids. Still got the kids, am SO over the ex-husband. I don't mind being single, and I don't feel any external pressure to be with someone else. Sometimes I wouldn't mind someone around when I'm home alone, but I've got my kids to keep me company, and when I need adult conversation (etc.), I know a few people I can call.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
sometimes i don't notice that i'm single until people say things like, "YOU don't have a boyfriend?!?!?!? . . ." like i just told them i wasn't Black.
purpleisafruit purpleisafruit 9 years
Now this is a topic close to my heart. I'm 27, have come out of a very unhealthy relationship and now been single for a few years. I'm not the only single girl in my group of friends, but the pressure these girls place on each other and myself to find someone is intense. I don't find I get any pressure from my family and close friends who know what my past relationship was like - they saw it all and know that I'm much happier and in a much better place than I was when I was in that relationship. The pressure I get mostly comes from the friends I mentioned above (who haven't really known me very long and mostly know me through work) and from other colleagues. I'm also a teacher, so I always have kids and their parents asking me whether I'm married or have a boyfriend. I can't tell you how many colleagues try to set me up with someone they know who is also single. And it always turns out that the only thing you have in common is being single!
girlfriday girlfriday 9 years
I feel so much pressure and I'm only 25. My aunt told me last year that next time I come to visit her, I better bring a husband. And since my brother got married two years ago, and I am the youngest, my mom has been talking about my wedding and when I am having kids. And all my friends are constantly asking if I'm seeing anyone. I got out of a 4 year relationship last year, and they're all like "you need to move on" but look, I'm doing things at my own pace. I know they mean well, but it kind of pisses me off sometimes. I'm tired of talking about it.
klaudie klaudie 9 years
I made pressure on myself, not the other ones
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
I think it's really a matter of being on some sort of timeline, everyone expects that as a woman, you just do things at a certain age. I get so much crap for being in a serious relationship in my early twenties when I should be "having fun!" My friends are all enjoying the "single life," but that consists of meeting guys they met on at bars! Pretty much their whole goal is to be in relationship, and I am sure if I were single, I would be pressured into looking for a boyfriend too! Even if being single is the thing to do in your early twenties my family started freaking out when my 29 year old cousin wasn't married yet, so I feel like you can never win when it comes to other people!
chakra_healer chakra_healer 9 years
Only family pressure. When I was single and dating there was pressure to find a LTR. In the LTR there was pressure to become engaged. Once engaged everyone asked about the wedding. Now the wedding is coming, everyone wants to know about kids. Blahhh, I wish people would mind their own biz. Ugh.
UrbanBohemian UrbanBohemian 9 years
I sense the pressure from my extended family...especially around Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, when another annual holiday goes by and my status remains single at family gatherings. But I don't feel it with my friends since the majority of us are single.
k-squared k-squared 9 years
right now, I'm in high school, so all the other girls are either obsessed with their boyfriends or searching singles. I feel a little bit of peer pressure to, you know, fit the norm, but it's kind of hard when your school is small and most of the guys are annoying or the good ones taken. so, I don't worry about this stuff too much.
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 9 years
.... yeah now that I think about it, I guess there is outside pressure.. some of it is just that all my closest friends are coupled up.. some of it is that all my single friends are in a frenzy to find someone. And then my mother and her comments like "Maybe you'll find a nice Russian boy".. Oh, this one time one of my friends said I'm not getting any younger.. and I'm only 22!! My coworkers ask like every day if I found a new boyfriend yet. So yup, I guess there totally is pressure.
goesmyheart goesmyheart 9 years
I'm 20 and haven't had a serious relationship yet.. trust me, I'm not in a mad dash for a boyfriend, but it would be nice.
ennabeatriz ennabeatriz 9 years
I hear it from my aunts all the time. With my friends and at work, I don't feel like the single girl but my family definitely point it out to me! When I was with my ex, they all wanted to know when we were setting the date and I think with outside influences you can't help but start thinking that way too, even if you aren't ready for it.
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