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Dear Poll: Is It Harder to Be the Dumper or the Dumpee?

At the recent NYC press junket for the big premiere, our favorite Sex and the City actors got asked about some of the tough relationship issues their characters have dealt with throughout the show and now, in the movie. Ironically, the infamous heartbreaker Mr. Big, AKA Chris Noth, was asked if he had any experience in breakups, to which he responded:

Absolutely, I always think it is harder to dump than to be dumped. . . . Because when you’re dumped, you can feel sorry for yourself and listen to sad songs. . . . But when you dump someone, you take the full responsibility of possibly hurting someone and no one wants to hurt anyone.

I thought Noth's take was an interesting one, though I'm not sure I agree. Sure, everyone loves a good pity party every once and a while, but I'm not convinced that having your heartbroken is better than doing the breaking yourself. Neither are fun, but which is harder?


Join The Conversation
Lone Lone 8 years
Dumpee without doubt!!
Frank-y-Ava Frank-y-Ava 9 years
I've been dumped and i've dumped people. being dumped sucked but ur friends cuddle around and u play victim which is nice and ur friends wanna kick his ass. when u dump somebody people look at u like ur a bitch or an asshole. IMO it both sucks!!!
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
Dumpee I think...
alltherage alltherage 9 years
dumpee is much worse! esp if u dont see it coming. i mean yeah ive been the dumper below and yes it SUCKS to hurt someone. but i think u have moved on and therefore have reconciled the end of the relationship. no so for the dumpee.
javsmav javsmav 9 years
Not that dumping anyone is easy & of course a normal person will feel bad b/c s/he doesn't want to hurt anyone, but being the dumpee is definitely worse. After you dump someone, there's such a sense of relief because you are now out of a dead-end relationship--much easier to move on. After you get get dumped you have to deal with "the fact" that you are a loser who no one will ever love you--not true, but rejection hurts!!
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
Dumpee would be worse to me. If I was the dumper I'd know the pain was coming and be prepared for it.
RoyalBlueMoss RoyalBlueMoss 9 years
LadyP LadyP 9 years
Dumpee, definatly.
LOVErickii LOVErickii 9 years
dumpee for sure. the heartache lasts longer. sometimes its out of the blue.
bingkaycoy bingkaycoy 9 years
It's not true that all dumpers are taking the full responsibility of hurting someone. The dumper already could have felt the hurt or isolation or deception caused by his/her partner. He/She might feel compelled to dump the other because the other has treated him/her badly enough that he/she could no longer stand the relationship. I dumped my ex-bf then because he was too distant, had been lying to me, deceiving me and just fooling around with me but he doesn't want to let go of me. Probably, he just wanted me to do express my intent on leaving him rather than doing it himself. So I guess, it's actually him who dumped me , who never had regretted nor felt sorry for what he had done to me.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
If I dump someone, it's because I've moved on. It's for the best, and sure, someone might get hurt, but I'm more emotionally secure, so it hurts ME less. However, if I get broken up, I'm embarrassed, ashamed, sad, and I'm in the inferior position. No, thanks! It's a slap in the face, in the heart, and in the ego!
elizabelle elizabelle 9 years
dumper, dumper, dumper... no question.
MissChita MissChita 9 years
I agree with all and what you say - being a dumper is harder. I've done it a few times, and its NOT fun. Of course no one wants to get dumped, but that's a lot easier on the heart
Sugarblonde Sugarblonde 9 years
I just was the "dumper" in a 3 year relationship... tell you what it's been a month & I still feel horrible for causing someone so much pain.
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 9 years
I think being the dumpee is worse. Either way, someone's getting hurt, but at least if you're the one doing the dumping then you know it's coming, you know why it's ending etc and you don't have to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what went wrong.
lilwildone1202 lilwildone1202 9 years
i think the dumpee is harder bc sometimes you cant figure out what you did to be dumped. if youre the dumper...there usually is a good reason... i have only dumped one person and he deserved it and i didnt feel guilty bc he didnt care.
Beauty Beauty 9 years
Being the dumper is worse. I've had my heart broken before, and that is bad, but you can count on friends. When you're the dumper, you have to struggle with the guilt of hurting someone you care about, balanced with the relief of doing the right thing. And it's so horrible to hurt someone who's a good person, but just not the right fit. Ugh.
bailaoragaditana bailaoragaditana 9 years
Dumper. It's been four years and I STILL feel guilty. It was horrible.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
Dumper. Worst thing in my entire life to date.
nikodarling nikodarling 9 years
I would much rather be dumped than be the dumper. I don't want to hurt anyone and lets face it there is no way to tell someone you don't want to be with them without them being hurt. I think I handle being dumped very maturely I try very hard to sympathize with the other person and see where they are coming from. And I try not to take it too personally, everyone is different not everyone is going to like me not everyone is going to be compatable with me, I can understand that. Some of the people I have dumped - not so understanding to say the least!
vtgirl1993 vtgirl1993 9 years
I think Chris Noth is right. Unless you're a psychopath, you generally don't want to hurt anyone. I've been both dumper and dumpee, and while both are extremely difficult, I hated being the dumper because I could never quite put my finger on exactly what was missing from the relationship. They were great guys and I adored them, but I needed something more. I wasn't leaving them for anyone else, so I had to face the decision to leave by myself and take all the consequences. Not fun!
zombielove zombielove 9 years
me personally i say dumping someone is harder. i've never dumped anyone because i have a habit of waiting to get dumped because then afterwards when the dumper tries to still try to "Talk" to you and get the benefits they got when we were going out i can put a guilt trip on them. But that's just me.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
Generally, I think they're both equally tough.
sugarsister sugarsister 9 years
it's really a choice between the lesser of two evils. being dumped absolutely sucks. it feels like a completely powerless position that only time and a chin-up attitude will overcome. dumping on the other hand makes you feel as if you have a choice and often you are leaving for something better which definitely softens the hurt
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