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Dear Poll: Has an Ultimatum Ever Backfired?

According to a previous poll, 51 percent of you said you'd never give a marriage ultimatum, but 31 percent of you said you would. The thing with ultimatums is, you have to be willing to put it all on the line and accept the outcome if the other person doesn't oblige. Sure, a lot of times they light a fire under someone, but other times, they send people running. Playing hardball is often worth the risk, but what I want to know is, have you ever given an ultimatum and had it backfire?


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LuxuryAddict LuxuryAddict 9 years
Ultimatums don't work. Forcing a guy to marry you, it's sad if you have to. Then he feels forced and gives you that whole ball and chain speech... I would just wait for him to do all that. Theres no rush.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I've never gotten to that point thank God.
lolalu lolalu 9 years
glowingmoon- I don't think my comment was judgmental, and sorry if you were offended. I'm just stating my opinion ;) Marriage is such a HUGE commitment, and it isn't something that you should, for lack of a better word, 'force' on someone. I think that decision should come organically
omlove omlove 9 years
I've never had to give an ultimatum but I feel that there is no point in being with a guy who you need to give an ultimatum to for him to marry you. But that's my opinion ....
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I do not give them because I do not want someone ever to feel forced into doing something that they do not want to do! I have better things to do with my time anyway!
rpenner rpenner 9 years
I have never given an ultimatium because I've never been in a position where I've had to. But I also know I would probably never give an ultimatium because I don't think I'd be able to go through with it. And as everyone agrees, if you can't go through with it, don't give one. Glowingmoon - good for you. I agree with you. I think it would be empowering. You stuck up for what you knew you deserved. That's very admirable.
lily8206 lily8206 9 years
I have never given one.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
I have never given one. I am not that type.
linb linb 9 years
I've only given one, and it worked, although I agree with the comment from Poster of a Girl - a real ultimatum doesn't backfire.
Random2 Random2 9 years
I've never given someone an ultimatum. Oddly enough, I've talked to my boyfriend about it, especially the marriage one, and he said he would propose, but it really isn't a good way to start a marriage. I do know someone who just had an ultimatum back fire on them though. One of my girl friends told her boyfriend that if he didn't get rid of a female friend (there's loads of rumors about the two of them floating around. And some aren't rumors.) or she was gone. He was looking for an excuse to break up with her, so he said 'fine', and ended the relationship. They're back together now, but it's been pretty off and on.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
LOL @ Lolalu. Yes, in an ideal world, it would work like that with every woman when it came to their Mr. Right. I wish EVERY woman was treated like the way you were when it came to their Mr. Right. :) For someone who never seemed to be in that difficult situation, you seem quite critical and judgemental. I suppose that's easy to do when you never had that problem. When you encounter other life problems (which naturally everybody does), I hope you receive compassion, instead of critical judgement, from those who do not identify. I hope your words here do not haunt you. :)
lolalu lolalu 9 years
I'm sorry but having to do this to get someone to marry you is sad and honestly a little pathetic. My husband wanted to marry me because he loved me. Not because I gave him an ultimatum, or pressured him into it. It amazes me what women will do to get a man to marry them, when in reality you shouldn't have to work that hard! If he really wants to be with you, he will try to keep you on his own!
merie33 merie33 9 years
I've only had to use one once, and I didn't have to carry through with it because it worked out exactly how it was supposed to....that's not saying I wouldn't have done what I said I was going to if push came to shove though
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
"I have never given a guy an ultimatum. He either wants to be with me or he doesn't, and I sure as hell am not going to beg him to be." This statement is inaccurately presumptious. :) Issuing an ultimatum is not tantamount to begging. Actually, it's the opposite. It's actually quite empowering (given that the woman will follow through). It's about being assertive, and sticking-up for one's self. It's about telling the boyfriend that the current relationship is not good enough, and she wants (and believes she deserves) more. If he doesn't agree, she's leaving, as the current situation is UNACCEPTABLE. As you disclosed, you never issued an ultimatum. I hope you never will, as it's challenging. You would have to toss the gauntlet against a loved one. You're going to prioritize your wants and needs over a loved one's wants and needs. You're going to prioritize your wants and needs over the RELATIONSHIP. Understandably, not every woman is willing to do that. It's heart-wrenching. I hope you never arrive at that crossroad. Based on my experience (and observation), the only person begging is usually the BOYFRIEND, not the girlfriend. He would want her to retract the ultimatum. LOL :)
sunshowers83 sunshowers83 9 years
Well put, Poster of a Girl. Giving an ultimatum is not a bad thing when you know what you want, won't settle for anything less, and want to spell it all out in no uncertain terms. However, if you're bluffing on an ultimatum, then you deserve for it to backfire on you.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
how could it backfire? you want the limbo state to end so either way (marriage or break-up) you accomplished that, right? i would think that if you found out the guy had no intention of marrying you that would be a good thing because you wouldn't waste anymore of your time (assuming that's what you wanted). women are entilted to want to be married, when did that become embarassing? i think it's embarassing to pretend you are happy to float along with whatever mr dreamy says while your biological clock ticks off the moments until you can't have a baby anymore. if you want it go after it. if this guy doesn't work out move it along; there's someone else out there for you.
TheMissus TheMissus 9 years
Right on Marci! Amen to that. Well said!
Marci Marci 9 years
Poster of a Girl put it perfectly. Never issue an utlimatum you aren't prepared to follow through on. Otherwise, it's empty words, and the guy then knows you don't mean it. I have never given a guy an ultimatum. He either wants to be with me or he doesn't, and I sure as hell am not going to beg him to be.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I agree with Poster of a Girl. Do not issue an ultimatum if you're not going to carry it out. Personally, for myself, no. My marriage ultimatum did not backfire. (Yes, I issued a marriage ultimatum to my now-husband. Without TMI, it was the right thing to do given the personal circumstances). I was bent on carrying it out, and my husband knew it. He was familiar with my personality, and he knew I didn't make empty statements. Besides, I did not have a lack of admirers who wanted date me (men with good characters and in prestigious professions). Some of these men wanted to settle down (like myself), and they kind of had an eye on me. My husband had a good chance of losing me if he didn't want to marry, especially if I became involved with someone else. Well, we've been married for several years, and we're still happy. He made the right decision. :)
pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 9 years
I haven't given one.
emalove emalove 9 years
I've never had to give one.
aeschere aeschere 9 years
i dont think its very effective
atablackbelt atablackbelt 9 years
Yeah I look at it as if I have never given an ultimatum and had it backfire...I have given ultimatums and when we could not reach an agreement was forced to walk away...but to me that is not a backfire, that is simply standing up and being true to myself
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