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Dear Poll: Is Love Really Enough?

Often times women use love as an excuse to stay in relationships that are unhealthy or just don’t make them happy. It seems we’ve taken the phrase “love conquers all” to heart, forgetting that sacrificing in the name of love should not mean losing out on happiness and mental well-being. We deserve both, which is why I believe that love alone just isn’t enough. And, in fact, I've actually had arguments with my friends over this idea — it seems that women have different opinions on this one. So, what do you think? Is it enough?


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Love will never be enough. You need trust, commitment, attraction, etc to make a relationship last. If love were enough tons of people would still be together today who have divorced. I loved my fiance, but if he ever just loves me and neglects everything else -- we'd have nothing.
jedimasterarmi jedimasterarmi 9 years
true love is enough, but the problem is that it must be felt on both sides and most of the time it is not. yay for love!
lsl3353 lsl3353 9 years
For most, Love means happiness. I've come to realize that love should be balanced. There is no happiness without a bit of saddness. Not sad in a way of grief but sad because your love has reasons and importance. I met my husband from a mutual friend in the most unintentional way. We met online and he is currently incarcertated. The essential aspect of our relationship is commnication, and sometimes it's very hard, but he brings out the happiest and the saddest part of me. I know most will not understand my reasons for love and it does not matter because the only thing that matter is what I know and come to understand about my reasons. I had previously dated a really great guy. He was financially stable with a great job, the sweetest person. But why did it not work out? Because I could not love him. I thought maybe I could grow to love him but it was impossible. So for I, love can be enough if you compromise, communicate, and acknowledge each others differences. I could not do any of these with my previous relationship, it would just be a state of denial, to grow to love him. Also, Lust is just another aspect of falling in love but it should not be the essential reason or intention to fall in love. Like the old saying "Follow your heart..." even if it never work out, you may NEVER know unless you try. It's always a lesson learn. Life is all about... learning.
Moonlight_mins Moonlight_mins 9 years
well... love is enuf... at-least in the beginning .. but later on u need to give each other the space and also yes compatibility and accepting each other as you are.. and sometimes the relationship can go bad... but if u believe in each other then everything can go fine...( maybe you shud be crazy abt ur partner too...)
sunshowers83 sunshowers83 9 years
I also totally agree with the comments re: money. I know money can't buy happiness or love, and that you should never marry FOR money, but it sure sucks to be stuck with a deadbeat man. I realized this with my ex. I had just finished one university degree and had been accepted to law school for the following year. He was already a few years older than me and still living in a party house with his roommates, content working a crappy job for a crappy hourly wage, had no savings and no ambitions. There was absolutely no indication that he ever intended to be out on his own two feet, let alone contribute to a household and raising a family. I saw myself growing every year and feeling more and more ready for all the responsibilities of life, while he seemed to be forever stuck in his post-highschool-grad year. When I tried hinting that he should consider planning financially for our future together, he would say ridiculous things like, "There's no way to be certain about what's going to happen in the next year, forget the next five or ten years! What's the point in worrying about it now?" That was a real eye-opener for me, because even if he couldn't see it, I could. I realized that if I stayed with him, I'd be stuck playing the role of sugar-mama - LITERALLY both providing for him and being his mother. I'd be dragging his dead weight for the rest of my life. I loved him so much, but I wanted and I DESERVED better than that. Once I realized this, the choice was easy. He's no longer in my life, and now I'm with someone who I respect as my equal and my partner. Last time I checked, he was still living with the same idiot roommates, who despite being close to middle-aged are still throwing the same ultra-lame BYOB, let's-get-shitfaced parties every weekend that used to be cool in high school. I hope he looks at the dumb, skanky 18-year-old girls his friends bring to the parties and realizes what he lost out on, because he needs to wise up. I want him to be successful, but I'm done with babysitting. Yes, I gave up on our love, but I have absolutely no doubt that I made the right choice.
sunshowers83 sunshowers83 9 years
I used to believe in "love conquers all" when I was young and naive, but one of the first lessons I learned was that love is not enough. I'm glad I learned that, because now I'm in a relationship where I'm head-over-heels *and* we're compatible in every other way. I realized how important it is to want the same things out of life. It's not fair for one person to have to give up their hopes and dreams so that the other can have theirs. If you would allow your SO to live their life with regrets, then it's not really love now, is it?
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
I think if a man or a woman is in an abusive relationship of any kind (mental, physical), then love cannot exist. Obviously, the abuser is incapable of love and/or respect and the abused is staying with the other person out of pity or even because of low self-esteem. I believe to truly be in love and say you love someone, there is mutual respect, trust, loyalty and all that good stuff. No exceptions.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
I agree with Marci: "But I also think that there are a lot of times when we call it love when it's really something else; lust, infatuation or whatever. And nothing longterm is going to come out of that; at least nothing happy and healthy longterm." i also think that we sometimes settle. you're with a person because it is comfortable and better than being alone. so we overlook things, such as the red flags of incompatibility.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
Love don't pay the bills. you gotta bring something to the table . . . i get bored. so there better be more then lovey dovey stuff.
Stacey-Cakes Stacey-Cakes 9 years
If love were enough to sustain a relationship, our nation's divorce rate would not be around 50%.
Marci Marci 9 years
Love does not conquer all. Life is full of challenges and to make it as a couple you both need to be on the same page and working as a team. In order to do that, you need to love the other person, yes; but also to respect them, trust them and honor them on every level, and communicate. All key elements. But I also think that there are a lot of times when we call it love when it's really something else; lust, infatuation or whatever. And nothing longterm is going to come out of that; at least nothing happy and healthy longterm.
emalove emalove 9 years
Nope, it's definitely not enough!!!!! Unfortunately. As much as you love someone, sometimes relationships just DON'T work. I learned this the hard way. I know several people who are in unhealthy relationships. And stay because they love the person and hope it will get better because of this love. But there comes a point when it gets mentally exhausting and you "wake up" and realize that it probably won't work. This is what happened to me.
bransugar79 bransugar79 9 years
I also should mention that by love I don't mean the sappy happy sickly sweet infatuation feeling. Imean love the decision you make to care for a person even when you feell ike strangling them. So "love" includes committment and respect they aren't seperate things
bransugar79 bransugar79 9 years
Love can help overcome obstacles but it is not a substitute for respect and caring and consideration. I know too many women who have been with guys who have completely taken advantage of them sometimes to the point of being abusive all in the name of love. I do believe love is strong and it is the only way to have a lasting relationship but it doesn't change the fact that a bad person is a bad person
painter-girl painter-girl 9 years
marraige consists of 3 things #1 commitment (sticking it through) #2 respect (no name calling or spitefulness) #3 love (is last it comes and goes) If you commit to it, and respect each other, THROUGH EVERYTHING! because problems will arise as you grow and change over the years...stuff happens... you then get a new kind of love. and it's much better than the 'in love' love.
xopv xopv 9 years
From my past is not enough. I think people tend to believe that just because they're in love that love itself will fix everything.
Marni7 Marni7 9 years
Kristin: I agree, sometimes things are harder when ur in love because things may not be good for you but you can be blinded by those feelings and think it'll get better or something..or u just cant walk away because ur in love..even though the relationship is no good.
Leanne1078 Leanne1078 9 years
Most of the people who get divorced were at one point truly in love. How can anyone look at divorce statistics and not realize that there is no way love is enough? It's nice to be optimistic and yes, it's possible that some people can fall in love and not have many struggles or challenges to overcome, but if you're not realistic about it you are really setting yourself up for disaster. The greatest thing in the world though, has got to be when you do overcome obstacles and you find yourself finally in the right place with the person you love the most. But that doesn't mean you stop working at it forever, either!
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
Nope. I think a woman with any significant relationship experience would vote "no."
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
Nancita, relationships can be HARDER when you are in love. Love doesn't clean the dishes or pick up after itself.
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
One of my oldest bestfriends is a perfect example of WHY women should realize that love isn't everything. She is in a relationship of 8 years, with 2 beautiful children. Her BF is a dirt bag to say the least. He's a drug addict with no boundaries regarding how he gets drugs/drug money. He steals from her family/friends and associates. He's sold her and their kids things for drugs, stole fundraiser money from her daughter and has been in and out of jail numerous times over the years. He can't keep a job and he lives off of her for free in her house. She actually ends up paying out MORE money because she's still with him because he steals her money and she has had to pay back people he's stolen belonging/money from. Me being one of them. But she says she loves him..................
nancita nancita 9 years
Relationships are always hard work. It's just not quite as hard when you are in love.
jopperma jopperma 9 years
Does anyone watch the Bad Girls Club on Oxygen. There is some pretty hilarious drunken commentary on whether love conquers all during one episodes. Cordelia breaks up with her fiance over the phone (who she has been cheating on the entire show) and then gets drunk and goes and gets a tattoo that says "Love Conquers All" ... in Latin... with a strike through it because she has come to the awesome realization that love doesn't conquer all.
Marni7 Marni7 9 years
I do believe that love conquers all when it comes to overcoming obstacles being from a different economical/cultural know, things that make it hard sometimes to be in a realtionship with someone..mostly external influences. but it is not enough at all, it should never be used as an excuse for being treated a certain way. When the problems are internal sometimes you cant fix them just because you are in love. it takes so much more than that and the truth is some people just dont get through it regardless of how much love is between them.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
love is the glue that keeps the relationship together. its what makes u put up with each others annoying habits etc. etc. but i believe if that love is not maintained, it can shrivel up and die slowly. these things include emotional/verbal abuse, disrespect, constant bickering and more. so no love is no enough if ur not gonna maintain it
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