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Dear Poll: Are Occasional Female Orgasms Fair?

A couple weekends ago, the Sunday Confessional about the boyfriend breaking his girlfriend's vibrator sparked some great conversation. Some of you felt like the girl shouldn't have to use a vibrator every time she has sex, and some of you thought she should do whatever she needs in order to be satisfied.

Unfortunately, women don't always have an orgasm when they have sex. We can take a while to climax and since guys don't take very long, sex can be over before a girl even begins to warm up. Not to mention, regular intercourse doesn't give women the clitoral stimulation they need.

So do you think it is fair that guys orgasm just about every time they have sex, and women orgasm only occasionally?


Join The Conversation
FireGuy28 FireGuy28 4 years
i'm a guy and i love that fact we can orgasm every time with ease. But i have to say that it is not fair that women don't always orgasm during each sex session. But i do know women are way more capable of have multiple orgasms, one after another in a short period of time, and not to mention female orgasm lasts four times longer than the male orgasm, for us guy it's just one quick burst and done, mine usually last about 5 seconds, while women average 20 seconds each. I am greatful for my quick moment of bliss, and love each and every second, but women deserve to have much more pleasure each time, every women should be having multiple orgasms everytime. My current girlfriend usually has 3-6 orgasms each time we have sex, before i have my single orgasm. so for her that like 1-2 minutes of orgasmic pleasure. And i yes both me and my girlfriend agree its perfectly fair. Us guys have it easy, we don't have to worry about being pregnant for 9 months and giving birth, having monthly periods, and not to mention guys can pee standing up, so yes, it's 100% fair, and women should be entitled to lots more sexual pleasure than men to make up for their female troubles.
frenchie77 frenchie77 8 years
Half the time I want to do it just for the closeness, and getting an orgasm just isn't my main goal. On the other hand, to make things fair, he finishes me off after sex if I ask him to (most of the time I'm too tired) BUT he gives me orgasms at different times (often in the morning when I really am in the mood, but him not so much)
blu1 blu1 9 years
I haven't actually had sex, but I do quite a bit of what might be considered "fooling around" with my boyfriend, and I often have more than one orgasm during that time, but he doesn't have any. That's what I think isn't fair. It makes me feel like I'm not very good at it. He has admitted that he occasionally masturbates, and I think it's unfair that I have to compete with HIM for his physical satisfaction. Sort of off topic, but I kind of wanted to vent about it.
mcmommy mcmommy 9 years
Orgasm by penetration alone has heppened once, maybe twice for me. Count me as one who'd like her's first for this very reason. If I've done my job right, my guy can barely move, let alone put forth the effort needed to get me mine.
lintacious lintacious 9 years
if you're not orgasming every time, then find a new guy because there is one out there who can consistently get the job done!
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
I'm usually come 90% of the time when I have sex with my boy :P
ley ley 9 years
if every girl were like guys who can come everytime they do it - I kinda picture women being major nympho's. So I suppose theres a reason for everything
rosey_y rosey_y 9 years
My boyfriend always makes sure I climax. Other times we've had a quickie and I've said not to worry about waiting for me as the rush of a quickie is just as fun! Sex with him is great either way - an orgasm is just a lovely bonus. Actually, if anything I climax more than him - two orgasms within a few minutes isn't unusual for me when we're having sex. This never happened with any other guy! I love my boyfriend very, very much. :p
mrskrismendoza mrskrismendoza 9 years
I also agree #31.
mrskrismendoza mrskrismendoza 9 years
I love the third choice haha.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
you wanna talk fair? how about they contribute how much time to the process of becoming a parent vs. our 9 freaking months. that is like a HUGE cosmic rip off imho.
JessBear JessBear 9 years
If I want to orgasm, he better make every effort to make me orgasm. PERIOD. I would never be with a guy who didn't consider it of the utmost importance to satisfy me. After all, you get what you give, right? That being said, there IS more to sex than orgasming, and if it's particularly lovey-dovey sex, or I'm tired, or he's waaay in the mood and I'm really not, well, I don't always have to finish. Orgasming isn't what's important. The fact that he sees my needs as just as important as his is what matters.
caryatid caryatid 9 years
agreed, valynn. SO much more to sex than getting off.
Valynn Valynn 9 years
Everyone makes it sound like a race! My husband I have sex for more than one reason, and it's not always just to "get off". Just the feeling of being intimatly close to each other at the end of the day is wonderful. Sometimes I just want to make him feel good, sometimes it's vise versa. No sex without orgasm seems very selfish to me. Not to mention, some of us having to get up to change the sheets and get towels verses just cuddling and talking is nice once in a while.
starbright14 starbright14 9 years
Sometimes I just can't orgasm... and I'm okay with that. I find that it takes me hours to relax and unwind enough so that I can get to that point. So I'm not one to keep score.
sparklestar sparklestar 9 years
I don't think I'd want my boyfriend to go down on me afterwards. I'd already be numb from the sex? Also - I'm not capable of multiple orgasms! I wish I was. =(
vanillakokakola vanillakokakola 9 years
I've never had an orgasm during sex, but my husband goes down on my every single time afterwards, so we're both left feeling satisfied.
futonfighter futonfighter 9 years
Now that I re-read the question of this post it's a bit of weird phrasing because it's assuming sex generally omits enough foreplay for the woman to warm up and that the sex is all about allowing the guy to climax first and leave her out in the cold. So from that perspective it's not fair but... In reality if you're comparing quality of orgasms side by side - it is fair because women are capable of multiple orgasms and extended orgasms, whereas guys just get one and then have to have a respite. Once women get there they can just keep going if the situation is right. So the question seems to set up a few assumptions and that's what I'd say is unfair. It's also unfair that men don't try more to let women climax first before they have their orgasm. Worse, what's more unfair is the ridiculously socially ubiquitous belief that penetrative sex equals female orgasm is THE normative assumption. You only have to look at every statistic and test result on female orgasms to know that penetrative sex alone rarely cuts it and it's not because the guy isn't doing it right it's just because women generally need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. I think the episode with the vibrator proved how pervasive this idea is and that it's probably due to men feeling somehow threatened they their penis alone can't do it all. Sometimes I just wish they'd forget their egos for a moment and just do what works. Nobody think they're crap at sex if they stimulate their partner more, in fact, quite the opposite.
TheMissus TheMissus 9 years
Who the hell said it was okay that a woman doesn't orgasm every time? Seriouly, what's the point of having sex (unless your're trying to get pregnant) if you're not going to have an orgasm? I know it's "hit or miss" when it comes to having an orgasm from sex... But if I know before hand I am not going to have one (I can usually tell by whether or not I am even in the mood), then I will not have sex. The Husband can go whack off instead.
Marci Marci 9 years
I'm questioning the 'only occasionally' thing here, too. But whatever goes on between two consenting adults is fine with me.
futonfighter futonfighter 9 years
I think there was a statistic that at least 70% of women don't reach orgasm by penetrative sex alone and that giving her head until she reached orgasm and THEN having penetrative sex was the best way to satisfy both partners. Breaking a vibrators not really helpful if you're not going to deal with why she needs one in the first place. Unless he gave her his skin mags and tapes to burn right afterwards.
brdwaystarlett brdwaystarlett 9 years
Ugh, the worst is when you're with a guy who is doing everything he can for you but you get stuck on that plateau edge to the point of no return and you just can't get yourself to climax... and then you look at the clock and you think "Hm... if I fake it NOW I'll still get 7 hours of sleep..." Talk about a rock and a hard place (no puns intended!).
sparklestar sparklestar 9 years
I am eternally thankful to my boyfriend's stepdad for imparting these valuable words of advice to him when he was 16! 1. A woman's breasts are not half as exciting for her as they are for you. 2. Always go down on a woman before sex, this way she is CERTAIN to have had an orgasm. Don't stop foreplay until she does, don't go in her until she has. 3. Lube, lube, lube. =) So I always have an orgasm before he's even gotten near me.. fair's fair!!
getstinko getstinko 9 years
also the fact that women can have multiples and then some massive orgasm is fantastic - the issue i have with the vibrator is, for christs sake men don't want you masturbating that's what we are for
getstinko getstinko 9 years
orgasm every time! women own your orgasms
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