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Dear Poll: Stay Together for the Sake of the Kids?

Statistics are tricky, but between 31% and 41% of American marriages end in divorce, and this means a large number of American children are raised in 'broken' homes. I grew up with many friends who spent weekends and every other Wednesday at Dad's house. I also had many friends with parents who were barely speaking to one another.

What's your feeling about staying together for the kids?


SaRaH-22 SaRaH-22 10 years
I come from a divorced family as well and i remember my mom and dad fighting all the time and i remember them 'faking it' to pretend to be happy!! and seeing all that was 100x worse that when they actually decided to part was almost like a relief for them to finally be apart! they were a lot happier which in turned enabled them to be there for me and my sister better because they were no longer miserable!
LizaToad LizaToad 10 years
as a child of divorced parents, i don't think it's a good idea to stay together for the kids... children, no matter how young, can feel all the tension and discontent of their parents and that makes for a miserable household... sometimes, though it's still really hard, the best thing to do is move on. the most important thing, IMO, is that parents realize that it will be difficult and hurtful for the children and do everything possible to let them know they are still loved, cared for and protected.
baltimoregal baltimoregal 10 years
I think they really need to try and work through it and be sure they are willing to accept the consequences of a divorce- not in cases of abuse (physical or mental), though- children should never be subjected to those circumstances and those marriages should end asap BaltimoreGal
honey31 honey31 10 years
Its not healthy for the children to stay in a loveless marriage children can pick up on things.
XDeexDeeX XDeexDeeX 10 years
I would never seperate from my husband. Divorce is a sin. If I had problems I would get marriage councelour or try to deal with the problem.
mandiesoh mandiesoh 10 years
it depends. some couples have stayed tog for the kids and fallen in love again. others who are abusive and violent shouldnt tho. i always believe that when violence/abuse is in the equation, there is no love or respect left.
lms lms 10 years
I am a child of divorce. My parent's divorced when I was in the 5th grade. I could see that they did not get along and it was better for my mother to not be with my father. The only negative aspect of the divorce was financial. However, my father did that on purpose b/c he was mad at my mother. He took steps to hide away his money so that she could not get any. I know that everyone's situation is different, but I would not advise anyone to stay in a marriage solely for the children.
flutterpie flutterpie 10 years
i think that the parents need to do everything they can to stay. getting divorce these days is way too easy. im just not happy or im just not in love, is not an excuse to uproot your children. marriage is hard, as shocking as that sounds, it takes alot of work. people who marry too young or marry for the wrong reasons, just dont get that. unless the marriage is abusive or self destructive, there is not a good reason to abandon it without exhausting every possible solution flutter-the one, the only, accept no substitutions
Marci Marci 10 years
If a couple is only staying together for the kids, the kids pick that up. And it doesn't give them a good example of send what a marriage should be. If handled right, involved parents who happen to be divorced can have happy, stable children.
designergirl designergirl 10 years
Oh yeah- it's so great to listen to your parents fight and want to leave home. Definitely stay together and even if you don't fight, they'll still sense that there's no love. Do you want your kids to view that as their marriage model. And by the way, in my experience, kids whose parents divorced while they lived at home handled it much better than the kids whose parents waited for them to leave the house (I think they felt that it was their fault their mom and dad were unhappy all those years)
kiddylnd kiddylnd 10 years
I see what you mean Arthur, I just wanted to throw out there that although not anyone's ideal situation, it does happen and can end up working out well. You are right though, it's not an easy thing to have to think about.
Arthur Arthur 10 years
fair enough kiddylnd! All I meant is that having to make the choice either way is tough. I am no expery, but i'd agree that it is better for the kids to be in a happy single parent home than in one where both parents are there but miserable and fighting.
nicachica nicachica 10 years
i'm glad my mom got out of her horribly destructive relationship and had the strength to raise four children in a loving, supportive environment. i really shudder to think how it would have turned out otherwise.
nicachica nicachica 10 years
think about how horrible an example you're setting for your kids if you are in a loveless marriage or always fight? they will just repeat the cycle. why not raise your kids in a loving home even if it is a single-parent home?
kiddylnd kiddylnd 10 years
Arthur, I don't agree. My folks split when I was 3. They had joint custody so my brother and I spent one week with Dad, and one with Mom. They got along well enough for us kids that this worked and we always spent Holidays as a family at whomever's house had us kids. They would have been terribly miserable to be stuck together until I moved out. Sometimes it's just not right to be together, but it doesn't mean that things end up bad. Knowing what I know now at 29 I am more than happy about the way things ended up for me. In our case it worked. (Actually, they were able to be amicable enough for us that when I'd get in trouble at Mom's she'd call Dad and make sure I was still punished at his house so maybe it wasn't all that great!)
Arthur Arthur 10 years
it's a lose lose all the way around :(
GiggleSugar GiggleSugar 10 years
If that's the only reason they're staying together, ultimately, it's not good for them OR the kids. Or at least that's what Dr. Phil says :)
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