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Dear Poll: When Do You Pay?

I am old fashioned when it comes to the rules of dating. I believe if a man asks you out on a date, he should pay the bill, especially the first few dates. Once you establish a relationship, my rules bend and I think it becomes important for the woman to chip in her two cents if you will. What about you all? When do you pay for a dinner date in a new relationship?


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magalaya magalaya 9 years
My boyfriend and I take turns paying the bill - every other (or three times) he lets me pay, although he does tend to be very hesitant as he's pretty traditional and feels like he has to provide for me. Sometimes, we just split it - he'll pay for dinner and I'll pay for a movie, or vice versa. But I do agree that if he asks you out for the first date, he should pay.
kiwishe kiwishe 10 years
The guy should always pay the first date. After the 3rd date, I'll "offer", but I still expect him to pay. I want him to know I would, but I find that if he expects me to pay, then it appears he isn't able to take care of me in the long run.
missro21 missro21 10 years
I pay when I extend the invitation otherwise it's on him.
Hootie Hootie 10 years
Never. If a man asked me out and expected me to pay even part of the bill I would never go out with him again. And I wouldn't pay either! I have never had a guy ask me to chip in. How rude! I'm very old fashioned when it comes to that. My husband still opens my doors and pulls out my chair. I like traditional roles. He works and makes the $$$ I stay home and run the house. I'm a very happy woman!
kerneschick2005 kerneschick2005 10 years
Miss Manners and The Little Pink Book of Etiquitte both state that the person who does the asking does the paying. When going out with friends if someone says "let me take you out to lunch," they pay, if they say "do you want to meet for lunch?" it is understood each pays her own meal.
Allytta Allytta 10 years
never. i come from a place were a man would never let me, so i wouldn't even ask.
beautiful1nes beautiful1nes 10 years
On the first date yeah I offered to pay but he wouldn't let me he said no let me take care of it.We've been together for a yr and a half and I don't mind paying if we go out to dinner at all.I think its only fair I mean I know he is a guy and he likes to pay when we're out but hes goten use to me paying he knows I just like to help.we say are realationship is equal and thats how we both like it.
mrspiven mrspiven 10 years
i always offer to pay, even after the millionth date i would offer. its polite, and it makes the guy feel like he's doing something nice as opposed to you simply expecting he has to pay. that makes a girl come off as spoiled, i think.
Lovaajn Lovaajn 10 years
I always see first dates as casual. Even if you're going somewhere nice and he asked you (or you asked him). The first date my boyfriend and I went on, we went to dinner at a beautiful restaurant and then went to a jazz club after. I pulled out cash everytime the bill came. He wouldn't let me pay, but I took him out later that week and insisted on treating! The first few dates, for me at least, are casual and seeing if you like the person in a semi-romantic friendly way. I can NEVER imagine thinking that the man should pay for everything. Guys like to be treated just as much as girls.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
Hey smarty I know it is amazing how the guys out here don't even try. We actually talked about it in a department meeting at work and the guys were like really.
rubialala rubialala 10 years
I would let him pay until I'm comfortable enough with him to talk to him about it and agree to do what works best for us.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 10 years
I am an old fashioned gal, I never Pay.
smartypantssugar smartypantssugar 10 years
Cubadog, that's so funny you said that. My best friend's bachelorette party was in Portland, where she's from, and not one single guy bought her a drink. One guy even said (and I quote) "She's getting married. Her husband can buy her a drink." Whereas on the East Coast, with every bachelorette party I've ever been too, the entire group of girls has had drinks bought for them almost all night. I always offer to pay on the first date. You don't want the poor guy to feel like a meal ticket, like you only went out with him for a free meal. Of course, if he takes me up on the offer, I've got serious doubts about going out with him again. As you establish the relationship, it all evens out - he buys dinner Friday night, you cook on Saturday, etc.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
I did choose other. I have noticed that it depends on where you live. After lving in both Portland, OR and NYC I have noticed that guys in NYC tend to take care of everything and the guys here in Portland don't. I have a few friends that leave out here from NY and we all agree.
gooniette gooniette 10 years
If I like the guy, I let him pay. If it's not going anywhere, I pay my half. I don't want to be obligated. Once I'm dating someone, I take in his financial situation. If I have just as much spending money as he does, we split most things.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 10 years
Ummm I never pay haha! I dunno, I think it's the guys responsibility to pay. Even now, almost 9 months dating, my boyfriend pays EVERYTIME. Maybe once in awhile I will pay for McDonalds when we are bad. But, I guess i do the cooking and baking at home, so he can at least pay for my dinner!
missemma10001 missemma10001 10 years
I still split the bill with my boyfriend and he just moved in with me. I split everything.
mabess mabess 10 years
When I was dating, I always was ready and willing to pay my share, but didn't hardly ever have to.
citizenkane citizenkane 10 years
Hahaha. I thought this said when do I PRAY when I first looked at it. I was about to write everyday, all day. lol
7kimba7 7kimba7 10 years
I always offer to pay, but my past boyfriends have always vetoed and paid the whole bill themselves. I've been with my boyfriend for quite a few years now though so there is no pattern.. I might pay (rarely), he might pay (more often), or we will split the check (I guess that's the usual).
minaminamina minaminamina 10 years
Yeah, I definitely like to split tickets/snacks at a movie... the guys I've dated really never did want me to pay for anything, but I do feel odd not contributing to a meal or something that we've shared. I offer every time from the first date onwards - if they accept, I'm pretty happy about it - or even if they just offer to split. I do appreciate that. But when a guy leaves a bad tip I HATE that! I'll go back to the table and supplement the remaining whatever-percent to make 20%, and I'll have to bring it up. It's so rude!
Sofiababy Sofiababy 10 years
when you're being "won over" you should NEVER pay ! i feel like this is when he needs to pull out all the stops. now when you're in a commited relationship and go out ALL the time, go grocery shopping for dinner, etc.. i feel like its just plain TACKY to have him paying for everything.. i always always offer to get us starbucks in the am, buy us dessert from time to time, etc.. i dont need him funding our relationship. like "honey i want icecream. do you have two dollars?" thats just poor taste!
nikkie45 nikkie45 10 years
my boyfriend has never let me pay.
indielove indielove 10 years
Haha, I LOVED that response! You are so right. :)
lexichloe lexichloe 10 years
I offer, not meaningly, on the second, as a gesture of "I'm my own woman, I don't need you to pay for my dinner." But, now that I'm married to the man of my dreams...Well, I NEVER had to pay, it was never in question. To all you single gals, just play it cool, no matter the situation, and always act like you have something better waiting on you. You do, YOURSELF.
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