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Dear Poll: Who Is More At Fault?

Here's a hypothetical story for you (although this could have happened to more than a handful of us). Your boyfriend of two years cheats on you with your best friend of five, and you find out through a mutual friend of all of yours. Unbeknownst to you, they had been secretly seeing each other for a few weeks even though he came home to you every night.

You are obviously beyond devastated after you hear this news. Of course this is a double whammy blow to the heart and ego, but my question is this: Who are you more hurt by? Who do you hold more responsible and who do you feel most betrayed by - your best friend or your boyfriend?


Join The Conversation
mrskrismendoza mrskrismendoza 9 years
Both @ fault. It takes two to tango.
BabyCookie BabyCookie 9 years
I would say both are to blame. Seeing how it took both of them to do it(knowing the situation and all). But I would be hurt with the best friend...seeing friends are suppose to be there for you. Guys will come and go...but friends friends are suppose to have your back forever.
ReverendZelda ReverendZelda 9 years
Unless one party was drugged or asleep both are to blame. I can't say who I'd feel more betrayed by, I think it'd go in waves of one then the other
Cymone Cymone 9 years
i'd be more betrayed by my best friend because girls secretly expect guys to hurt them, its sort of been ingrained in our minds that guys are dogs. but your best friend is supposed to be your girl, your chosen sister, she's supposed to be there for you when that guy does actually screw you over; not be the one doing the screwing. its the ultimate betrayal, absolutely.
nikkitty nikkitty 9 years
equally at fault. If that ever happened to me, i would be devastated, and want both of them out of my life for good. If they both truly cared for you and loved you, they would never have done the dirty in the 1st place. i don't know how people can live with themselves when they cheat on partners, esp with their close friends. Plasticapple, i would do the same thing. I hope you've moved on!!
plasticapple plasticapple 9 years
I've been in this situation, almost exactly. Except my best friend and I had been inseparable since 5th grade, so more like 10 years. I was hurt by both of them, but more by my best friend. The guy I have moved on from, and gotten over. I still have not forgiven her, and this was about 7 years ago. She was supposed to be my best friend!! When I think about how I used to call her and cry to her about him...and all along she was seeing him!! That's unforgivable to me.
nlw nlw 9 years
Great point CaterpillarGirl!
vmruby vmruby 9 years
They are both equally as guilty,and they would both be out of my life, no excuses....
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 9 years
BOTH! both people supposedly cared for you a lot, then they go and do something like this behind your back? that is BEYOND betrayal...I'd cut both out of my life after giving both of them a good tongue lashing (and maybe even a good slap!- yes to both.)
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
First, why are you spending time even deliberating who is at fault, that just tells me that you arent concerned about your own future, only at pointing the finger.
mrspiven mrspiven 9 years
i would be upset with both. both were lying, both were messing around, both knew you would be hurt and both disregarded your feelings. both of them deserve each other.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
Equally at fault but am not understanding the numbers (dating 2 years -- best friend of 5) except if you are trying to say that this is just a short term best friend. A best friend is a best friend and there is no degrees.
Cynnie Cynnie 9 years
I would be more hurt by my best friend because friends aren't suppose to do that. They're suppose to have your back and be there for you whenever you need a shoulder to cry on. They're supposed to be very's your friend!! lol ...Don't get me wrong, the guy would totally be out the door...but I'd be more upset with my friend.
the-makeup-blogette the-makeup-blogette 9 years
obviously it is a mutual affair so naturally i am pissed with both
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
BOTH...they are both cheating bastards! I would not take back either.
nessabum nessabum 9 years
i would be equally hurt by both. i've put a lot of effort into my relationship with my boyfriend and it would seriously end my whole world because he is practically my everything. and with the girlfriend--i'd feel so betrayed. i confide a lot of things to my really close friends. it's just bad in both cases. because that means losing the love of your life (well, in my case anyway) and a confidante all in one shot.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
that b*tch! they are both to blame. But i think as women, we put a lot of trust in our friends. but after 2 years of love with this guy???!!! i see an episode of "Snapped" coming on. . .
Hootie Hootie 9 years
They would both be out of my life...
millarci millarci 9 years
Definetly both. If there are two people I would trust more than anyone would be my best friend and my boyfriend (assuming it's a serioius relationship). I would be angry at both!
kins kins 9 years
definitely her. this is bad, but i can think of instances where i would try to justify cheating on a guy...but i would NEVER mess around with my girl friend's bf.
Her, because she was supposedly your "best friend" for 5 years. A man, you can get rid of, but there is no garauntee that she won't steal another man from you in the future. You should ALWAYS drop the friend, not saying he is innocent in the situation, it is a given that he's gone. There is an understanding between female friends, you're not supposed to date their men, especially if they have been together for a while and are still together. These type of women deserve to be friendless...
reeveske reeveske 9 years
Unfortunately, I've been there. This happened to me. And I chose both. It's two different feelings of betrayal, but the degree is the same. I was both equally hurt by both but for different reasons. I couldn't believe my bff could do that to me and risk our supposedly meaningful friendship all b/c she had a crush on my guy. It was too difficult to get past that and believe she really would never hurt me like that again-just to get off/indulge in some stupid guy. And for the bf-well, he's a cheating bastard that didn't love me enough to say no to the first girl that came along. All that hurt just for a few minutes of pleasure-how is that worth it? And the fact that I had to hear it from HER ex-bf?!?!? That was devastating-I literally cried out in shock when he told me. The fact that they could not approach me and admit they screwed up said it all to me. I was dunzo-needless to say, it wasn't a difficult decision.
Random2 Random2 9 years
I'd probably be more hurt by her, but I'd be mad at both. If neither cared enough to come forward to admit what was going on, neither of them deserves a second chance.
tati33 tati33 9 years
I'm with totonlaura
bellanatella bellanatella 9 years
I'd def. get mad at her, as unfair as it is. And I know because this has happened to me. This exact situation.
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