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Dear Poll: Are Women Too Hard on Men?

I truly believe that women shouldn’t settle with any old guy — unless of course they actually want to. And though I think people are sometimes picky about the wrong things, I think it’s incredibly powerful to know what you want and what you need in a relationship. That said, I think there’s a possibility that as women have become more empowered, we’ve also become pretty darn tough on men. I adore He’s Just Not That Into You, but I fear that it’s made us more cynical than ever.

I think most of us have accepted that some guys we like just aren't that into us, but it also forces us to assume that every little imperfect action is intentional and not the result of a humble mistake or silly miscommunication. I mean, wouldn’t we want the benefit of the doubt if our actions were in question? Help me out with this one, are women being too tough these days?


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sauterhead sauterhead 9 years
Completely agree with hotstuff and indielove.
lushylashes lushylashes 9 years
yes I am too hard on men but a majority of them deserve it
demeter demeter 9 years
yes!! women are way too hard on men. especially here/
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
depends, some aren't hard enough. i think the trouble a lot of the time is that women expect men to change and that isn't going to happen. women need to believe what comes out of men's mouths; once they know they can trust them. then, when a man says "i don't want anything serious" or "i'm not ready to get married" they should take that at face value and not read anything more into it or try or change their mind. the women i know who have the worst "luck" (their term not mine) with men keep picking unavailable men and then they complain that the men have "commitment problems". um no actually, you have a hearing problem. when a man says "i'm into my career right now; that's # 1", he isn't throwing down a challenge. he's telling you the best you can hope for is being #2 on his list.
bellydancinmary bellydancinmary 9 years
I'm way too quick to judge. I don't put up with anything that upsets me. I'm a commitment-phobe. This is what happens when you get your heart crushed too many times by d**khead guys. My boyfriend gets impatient with me sometimes, I wish I could just let go.
indielove indielove 9 years
"I think there are much more cases of women who put up with damn near anything because they are so desperate to have a man. The women who don't put up with games and tell men to keep it moving are few." I agree with this 100% Another mistake some women make is trying to CHANGE a man. Trust me, honey, he won't change...most of them don't. If he treats you in a way you don't feel you're deserving of, then just move on. If you don't right way, when you start see red flags waving, then when you finally wake up, it'll be even harder to leave than let's say just a couple months into the relationship. Some people(men) mask themselves so well, they treat you like a queen until you're so hooked on them and then when you've got you in their nook, then the abuse(mental, physical, emotional) starts. Seriously, there's always signs..even if they may be subtle sometimes. Just don't take them with a grain of salt, pay rapt attention always. You'll know a good guy when you see one.
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
Also I'd like to ad that the reason it may seem like women are tough on guys is because more & more women are finally waking up and realizing that a relationship may not be going anywhere. There was a time when a woman would sit by the phone praying some jerk would call her back and now women realize hey he's not the! And that its OK to move on and meet a man who is truly into you. Its to a point where women aren't taking rejection so personally anymore and dating like.....GASP...MEN!
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
I think there are much more cases of women who put up with damn near anything because they are so desperate to have a man. The women who don't put up with games and tell men to keep it moving are few. Maybe if men didn't play so many games women wouldn't have to be like this. I think the real question is are men too hard on women? They will leave a poor girl hanging in a minute and then a huge majority of them want some type of supermodel. They play more games than any woman could. And are hardly ever honest about what they feel. Of course not all men are like this but the ones who aren't get snatched up quick. I think if you took a poll of 100 women vs 100 men you would see that women have the hardest time at finding a genuine mate.
Marci Marci 9 years
I don't know........from what I see, women put up with an awful lot from a guy they like, and I certainly can be accused of that in my time. So I don't actually see a lot of women puffing up their chests with all this empowerment we're talking about. Everyone's read the book 'He's Just Not That Into You', but it doesn't stop all the posts on this site asking what to do when a guy doesn't call or treats them offhandedly.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
Yes, I think so. Obviously not all women all the time, but as a general trend, sure. And I think you can see the evidence right here in comments on DearSugar posts. It doesn't seem to matter what boyfriend behavior the poster is asking about, a good half of the comments pretty much always seem to be "he's cheating on you". If men don't act exactly like women do (and therefore think they should), they're doing something wrong.
avettafawna avettafawna 9 years
I'm a little confused as to what we're answering too. Do we throw men away too quickly because they don't display the signs of someone who is "into" us? I know I have, and I have paid the price b/c I lost my chance to be with a great guy because I misinterpreted his shy, awkwardness for disinterest. Live and learn.
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
I think some women make a HUGE deal about everything... if a guy doesn't call a girl back after 3 months, as rock & republic mentioned, he's immediately labeled as an ass. Then the girl starts asking why, gathers her posse around and they all disect her *dilema* if a girl doesn't call a guy back, he shrugs his shoulders and moves on. IDK...I have lots of guy cousins and sometimes even before they go on dates, the women they see are already on the defensive mode, and that turns 'em off. Sometimes I DO wish I was as BLACK&WHITE as guys are...things'd be a lot less stressful.
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
In some cases yes, and in some no. This is a really hard question. Because I think, that yes sometimes we are to quick to judge, but I also have to wonder that if we weren't as hard on them, would they be trying to get away with even more than they already do!?!? I dunno. I just hear to many complaints from women about all the mean stupid things guys do, and I have just had to many bad experiences with them to not be hard on every single one of them. At this point I'm kind of like, I'm going to be harsh to all of them until one of them can prove he can be nice and that I don't need to be harsh to protect myself. I guess I don't really have the other perspective... LOL, I think I just made up my mind, ha. No, I don't think women are to harsh.
cvandoorn cvandoorn 9 years
I have become one of those women who judges men way too quickly. After going through crappy relationships where I always got burned, i'm now extra careful and tend to see things from the wrong angle, which really upsets my boyfriend. Gotta work on it!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
So I'm confused as to what we're answering here. If a man accidentally does something that indicates to us that he's not into us, are we too hard on him? How can we tell the difference? I mean, we wouldn't realize it was a mistake unless someone told us. And that point, if he's gone to the trouble to explain, it's a different circumstance. Are women too hard on men in general? Who knows? It's different for everyone.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
I honestly think women aren't tough enough on men. Case in point, you can be seeing someone for up to 3 months and he suddenly disappears without so much as an email. I understand not wanting to be with someone, but being a coward about it is extremely unattractive. And while im sure that women have done it too, i predominantly here this complaint from women. And a man's excuse about dealing with someone else's feelings and being afraid of their own discomfort is just not going to fly with me.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
"I think there are some women out there like this, but not all of them." My vote.
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