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Dear Poll: Would You Give a Marriage Ultimatum?

Ultimatums, they can either destroy a relationship or give the man a much needed push in the right direction. We've all heard the saying, s**t or get off the pot, but sometimes, when you're in the relationship, it's easy to get a little too comfortable and fear taking the next step.

I know two couples whose engagement came to be because of an ultimatum, and on the flip side, I know other couples who have been together for years and years with no engagement in sight because one refuses to put the other on the spot. I hope I never have to give one, but ladies, tell me, would you give your boyfriend an ultimatum if you were ready to take your relationship to the next level?


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Tonii2010 Tonii2010 7 years
I would never give some one a marriage ultimatum. It is best to just wait until they are ready because that is huge leap to take even if you have been together for years.
maahe maahe 9 years
I don't see it as "forcing" someone to marry you..If you've been in a relationship with someone for 3+ years and you're ready to get married there is nothing wrong with asking him where the relationship is headed..why waste 3 years of your life with someone who doesn't want the same things as you..
kh61582 kh61582 9 years
I used to think that I would. Before I ever had a boyfriend I thought that somewhere between the 2 to 4 year mark there should be a proposal or no more relationship. Now that I have a boyfriend I feel differently. I feel like marriage is not such a big deal. Sure I'd love to get married someday but at the end of the day shouldn't it just be the difference between a piece of paper.
Jacinthe Jacinthe 9 years
Give an ultimatum, no. Do the proposing myself, hell yes. My mother was the one to take charge in her relationship with my dad -- she asked him out on their first date, and she proposed marraige to him -- and it worked out well. Who says women have to wait around for a proposal?
javsmav javsmav 9 years
I've never given one. Don't think I would either. I was given one by my boyfriend in college though. We broke up--I was way too young to get married.
SugarKat SugarKat 9 years
I did it and we've been happily married for almost 6 years. Each relationship has it's own way it works, and every relationship has it's own circumstances... My husband was going back for his senior year of college (in Missouri) and I was staying in Seattle getting a job because I had just graduated. I told him that by the end of the summer he had to make a choice to get engaged or break up. It was only fair to both of us. I didn't want to have a long distance thing and I wanted him to have fun his senior year of college. What's the point of a long distance thing (he lived in IL too so it wasn't like he'd be coming back to Seattle on his own) if there was no future. In the "end" it all worked out. By the end of the summer he wanted to get married so we got engaged. We decided to have a very long engagement so that after he graduated, if we had grown too far apart, we'd still have the option to call it all off.
0danielle0 0danielle0 9 years
I think it's ok to ask someone what his or her intentions are, but I don't think it's a good idea to threaten to leave if their intentions are different from yours. Once you know where they're at, let him or her know how you feel about it and then decide what you need to be happy...
PattyLauren PattyLauren 9 years
Thankfully I've never had this problem... My boyfriend is totally ready to be married, I'm the one who wants to wait a while, haha. But, not forever. However, I would never give an ultimatum and I also would never wait for someone to just decide when they want to get married to me. Personally, I think someone knows within a year or so if they want to marry someone or not... this whole six, seven year stuff and people are STILL waiting to get proposed to, or haven't even had the conversation, it's just your fault for staying in the relationship if that's not what you want. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
DCStar DCStar 9 years
A very good friend of mine recently gave her man a "move in" ultimatum, and it totally backfired. He told her it was over. It makes me sad that so many people are settling, or just living with unhappy situations instead of making them better or changing the things they don't like.
klandrach klandrach 9 years
I can see why women do this, but I don't think I could. How could you start a life with someone knowing that you forced them into a commitment they weren't sure of? I think I would always wonder if he really wanted to be married to me or if I had forced him. Oh and my boyfriend's ex tried this and it backfired pretty badly for her! Good for me though :)
herjoiedevivre herjoiedevivre 9 years
I wouldn't force someone to marry me, but if I'm with that person for years and they still can't decide, that's it. I'm outta there. I'm not about wasting time wanting something that will never happen. it won't be an ultimatum- I'll just tell him how I feel and then leave.
luckyme luckyme 9 years
I feel like this is a breeding ground for resentment. I know someone in this situation and I honestly don't think they will last. It's a wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce.* *insert sarcasm
remedios remedios 9 years
My husband was ready to get married long before we got engaged. I was the one that was afraid. He never pressured me, but definitely made it known that he wanted to get married. Eventually I decided to just ignore my fear and asked him.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
ThePerfectScore I agree :rotfl:
vmruby vmruby 9 years
No never..... for me it's simple ,either he wants to marry me or he doesn't, not to mention the fact that I would never want to marry someone that i had to give an ultimatum too.It wouldn't feel very good or sincere to me, and i know i deserve better than that.I'd rather have it come from his heart and be his decision, and not because i forced him into making a life altering choice.
Liss1 Liss1 9 years
I would never give one, why force someone to marry you? My husband and i were together for 9 years before we decided to get married of course we were 17 and 18 when we started dating so we were really young. We talked about it and decided to get married and then a couple of weeks later he got down on one knee and proposed with the ring. It was great. We have now been married for 4 years and i couldn't imagine it happening any other way. We waited and that way we were both ready. :)
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
No. I would be embarassed at having to do something like that. My brothers GF did this to him and he left her. He loves her very much, but he was scared. They are young and he just isnn't ready yet. That woke her up really fast though.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
No, I wouldn't. Everyone is ready at different times and I wouldn't want to push my man into something he might not be ready for. That's not only fair to him, but it's unfair to me as well. Who knows how guilty I might feel, and if he doesn't want to, I might loose someone very special to me. So, in the end, I would talk to him about it...but I wouldn't MAKE him say yes or no.
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