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Dear Sugar Needs Your Help: Is This Guy Into Me or What?

Dear Sugar and Wants This to Work Out Wendy need you help. This guy seemed really into her at first, but now she's not so sure. Should she take the plunge and visit him in Miami or just forget about this guy?

Dear Sugar,

I'm confused! I met a guy about a month ago while visiting Miami and we really hit it off. I live in Atlanta, so we began talking on the phone everyday, twice a day, for about three weeks. He has since slowed down on the phone calls with me, and I only hear from him about twice a week now. When he does call, he doesn't have much to say. I was going to schedule a trip to see him next month and he got all excited about it, but because of the way the conversations have been going, I'm not sure if he's interested in me anymore. Should I just forget about him or continue to take a chance and see where this could go?

—Wants This to Work Out Wendy


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ella1978 ella1978 9 years
Thank you sugarbritches. I did find someone much more spectacular. We have been together almost two years and he is wonderful. I'm actually very glad that things didn't work out with the wedding guy. I'm much happier now! Thanks for the sweet note!
silver-wings silver-wings 9 years
this actually happened to me, quality of conversations started to suck. We lasted like that almost a year, then we went out on a date, and it was horrible! there was physical attraction, but not really a connection i guess? So i gave it a try, and didnt work out, so i moved on And he came to me. Should be the same way here, he should come to you, if not, forget it already.
sugarbritches sugarbritches 9 years
Ella1978 that's a sad story. I hope you found someone who treats you like a goddess!!!
sugarbritches sugarbritches 9 years
Maybe he's still interested, but I think it's more that he's interested in someone else. Time to move on. In my experience long distance relationships don't work out anyway. Find a sweetheart in Atlanta.
ella1978 ella1978 9 years
I went thru a very similar thing. About two and a half years ago, I met a wonderful guy at my friends' wedding. It wasn't just a "travel in for a day and leave" sort of thing, we were there from Friday to Sunday... and the two of us were pretty inseperable. By Saturday night (he was in the wedding) before I got to the reception, he was looking for me everywhere, couldn't wait to tell me how beautiful I looked, didn't want us to be apart for a second. We spent most of the next day together until he had to fly home (about 2100 miles away from where I lived.) I drove him to the airport, we had a wonderful, almost movie moment and he was off. HE wanted to make this work. He called me several times on my ride home, and like you guys, we talked and/or texted at LEAST once a day. We were planning trips, we were even talking about where we might both think of moving if the relationship went further. This went on for over a month, then one day (his birthday) I left him a voicemail & didn't hear back. I assumed that he was down about things (he had some family issues) and that was why I hadn't heard anything from him. I called one more time about a week or so later, and a couple days later, he responded. Saying something very enthusiastic about "sorry he hadn't called, things were crazy, couldn't wait to talk soon". And I never heard from him again. I think it was a combo of things. He freaked out because things were really good. He lived far away, and not being able to be togther, to actually date, tore things apart. Things were moving fast, even by phone, and he wasn't ready for it. And who knows what else. The fact is that unless you have an established relationship before it becomes long-distance, I think it is really difficult to keep it going. Life happens, and you know what they say "out of sight, out of mind". I hate to say it, but unless he makes a serious effort to keep you in his life.. I'd let him go. I held onto my hopes for months for nothing, and all that resulted was heartache. Move on.. you deserve better!
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
aren't there guys in Atlanta?? I'm just sayin....
pickle pickle 9 years
Definitely see it as a friendship and, if you go, make it less a test of how much you're meant to be together. Although you hit it off, a lot of life is occupied with the same old day-to-day stuff that you miss out on being so far away. It's natural that you'd have less to say to each other when you're not living through the same things and you hesitate to share them over the phone because they seem so trivial, even though if you were in the same room you'd totally be talking about them.
chakra_healer chakra_healer 9 years
I see nothing wrong with having less to talk about after nearly a month of twice daily calls. At this point, it is better to find if there's anything happening in person. I would definitely go, but treat it as going to visit a friend not a potential boyfriend. Go visit him, have fun and go home. No sex Good luck!
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
Forget about him.... starting out long distance (instead of starting out together and then going long distance) is about 10 times as hard. I agree with the above post-- go to Miami if you want a vacation, but don't expect him to entertain you much or even to be single. There's a chance he's got someone in Miami now.
purpleisafruit purpleisafruit 9 years
I'd say go, but don't make him the focus of the trip. Make sure you have other options, but go check it out. You'll never know, otherwise.
bellydancinmary bellydancinmary 9 years
Screw're much better than that. Move on, have some awesome sex...can I say sex on here without offending anybody? Okay...there are way too many gorgeous men in this world that are acutally worth it to waste your time on him. Also, with most guys you meet on's just a fling. That's why there's the saying "Out of sight, out of mind." Just let him go, call your girls, and go out for some drinks and dancing. That is the perfect cure to a broken heart.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
I'm sorry, but he's in Miami. there are women galore, and you more than likely not the first babe (because you are fabulous)who has traveled and started a thing with him. he probably thinks you're great, but he's really just loking for some action, (i mean, he knows that if you're coming for a visit, then he's gonna get some shnoo-shnoo). stop calling him, and see what he does. if you already booked the flight, try to get a friend to book one to, and mention to him that you will be in town of such and such date (doing your own thing). see what he does. watch how he'll be blowing your phone up on the day you arrive. but don't be weak and fall in for it (because he's hotter than you remembered. there are too many caliente men in Miami to waste time on him. Move on girl.
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
There is somethig to be said about a MAN who would come and see the lady he's interested in. Why should you be the one to go see him again? Didn't you meet him there? Anyways most likely he has lost some interests, sorry to say. Don't waste your $$ on a man who may no longer be interested, even worst than the money is how bad you will feel if you go all the way there and he isn't in to you. To solve this whole thing your going to have to talk to him! YES you will have to actually communicate with him and see where he stands. We can all speculate all day long about what may be happening. You need to talk to him pronto and see how YOU feel about this, don't let him run the show. And please listen to him don't go running down there thinking you can change things! GOOD LUCK!
Everythingandme Everythingandme 9 years
It doesn't mean anything. He could be busy.
Roxyrl12 Roxyrl12 9 years
I think you should do whatever makes you happy. If you really like this guy and think that he may like you back, take the chance to go visit him. But, make sure that you have a hotel or another friend that you can stay with if you decide that it's not going to work. But the key is to do what YOU want to do.
clarapl clarapl 9 years
LOL, she only met the guy a month ago! Yeah, if he hasn't dropped down on one knee and made a solemn declaration of his undying love for you by now, forget him! ;) Seriously, as Bella Sugar just said on another question, the rule is, if a guy isn't calling you, he's not interested. If he is, he'll call you. Bottom line: he's calling. He's interested.
lolabella lolabella 9 years
good Lord, let this one go. don't play games with him. don't do the "i'll wait to see how long it is until he calls me" high school krappe. don't place hints about how excited he will be to see you or if he's planning a surprise visit to ATL. ring him up or email him and break it off with him. explain to him that you understand by his actions that he's not that into you, and you are not comfortable being there and spending time & money on a situation that is not going to work out. if he wants to see you, he would have already made plans to visit you. if he has not done that, it's obvious... ...he's not worth your time.
clarapl clarapl 9 years
Hmmm, well I would say definitely do NOT "move on" just yet, and here's why: he's calling you a couple times a week! I'd say that's a pretty clear indication of interest. If he'd stopped completely, then I would definitely say forget him, but he hasn't stopped. Here's what I think happened: he likes you, but you made the classic mistake we all make when we're really excited about someone--you were too eager and available to him. It's great that he liked you enough to call you twice a day, but that doesn't mean you have to pick up every call! Twice a day phone calls is a lot, and it's inevitable that they would taper off when there's no pursuit involved at his end. That's why you shouldn't have planned the trip, either. Definitely find some excuse (that ha nothing to with him) about why you can't go. And-- for anyone who says this is all "game playing," I disagree, it's just that we don't do "naturally" what we need to do for the guy, which is LET HIM PURSUE YOU! If you can back off a little and try to create some distance, I can almost guarantee he'll pick up the slack. Good luck.
JessieLubbsJose JessieLubbsJose 9 years
move on its the best way 6to handle it.
mlen mlen 9 years
i would tell him you can't go but he's welcome to visit you if he wants. that way if he is interested, he'll make the effort and if he isn't then you don't waste your money on a trip.
kurlyq kurlyq 9 years
I had the same thing happen to me. I found out that he had met another woman and was afraid to tell me. Forget about the guy. If he really likes you, make him come to you. Do Not Go to him!!!! You will find someone else who really likes you and wants to see you.
Marci Marci 9 years
I would just move on. His interest is waning, which often happens with long-distance relationships, so forget about it, don't make the visit, and I'm sure you'll meet someone else soon enough.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
He's not that into you anymore, it seems like. Move on and if you can't get a refund, bring a gf or someone for a mini-trip! :)
vmruby vmruby 9 years
I'm old-fashioned and i agree he should have made the effort to come and see you first.The decrease in the phone calls and the conversations during those calls, tells me either he can't handle a long distance relationship,he has met someone else, or it's like you suspect, that he's just not interested anymore, but you won't know unless you talk to him first. The absolute worst thing he can say is that he doesn't want to get involved with you. If that should happen ,then you need to move on. Whatever the outcome is, Good Luck!
lemuse20 lemuse20 9 years
If I were you, I would either tell him how you're seeing things, that you're not so sure you want to because he says he has nothing to say on the phone, so you're thinking the trip might not be worth it. OR, I would stop calling him, move on. Either he'll be relieved and you both can move on or he'll realize his blank mind is messing it up making you think he's not interested (if in fact he did run out of things to say) and start to take the necessary steps to show his interest in you and pursue YOU so it's not all one-sided. If it's one of those things that you think you might regret by not doing it, by all means do it! But if you're more worried about wasting your time, move on.
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