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Dear Sugar Needs Your Help: Sex Hurts! What Can I Do?

Dear Sugar and Hurting Down There Hillary need your help. She loves having sex, but it's painful for her. I am sure you have all experienced this first hand, so can you offer her some advice?

Dear Sugar,

Okay, I wanted everyone's view on this matter. Here's my problem. I love
sex, and I wish I could have it all the time with my boyfriend, but my
vagina gets irritated and sore, and it hurts really badly after and during intercourse. Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me? And if you do, is there something you can buy or do to relieve the pain? I know this is an embarrassing topic, but please help me out if you can.

—Hurting Down There Hillary


Join The Conversation
LoveRomance LoveRomance 7 years
Wow - I have a friend who held workshops on this...for if you have a medical condition that takes a while to get resolved, like vulvodynia (which is often the result of yeast infection through your body)...I've also learned about "trigger points" in the muscles of the vagina that can cause tightness and can get help with that too, from a specialist, and work on it yourself, too, with guidance. Always best, as everyone says, to get checked out by the obgyn...and hope it turns out to be nothing but lube, or allergy to the latex condom...Sarah
killahjay killahjay 9 years
alright to be completly honest with you, half of these were half ass answers. lube isnt just a pick which ever one is prettier thing, you have to be very careful with lube, there are a lot that can go wrong, some lubes have sugar in them, and if they get into your vaginal area can cause some serious problems, secodnly some of them can burn, i know at first contact i get a burning feeling which isnt pleasant. there may be something wrong with you, you should go get checked out, but when i had that issue, it turned out both my partner and i were just dehydrated, after we drank more and more water over a time period things went back to normal. i know your feelings, i love you sex too, im nearly addicted to it, so ever when it hurt i still needed it, you should also try going to a couseler, being a sex addict isnt that big of a deal but it can be later on. but go make some appointments and drink a bottle of water :]
elmendoa elmendoa 9 years
JessNess JessNess 9 years
kimsaks86- That makes sense. Thank you.
kimsaks86 kimsaks86 9 years
Jess Ness--I agree that it should be used sparingly and only after ruling out or determining medical conditions--that was why that was my first suggestion. i think the girl's first trip should be to the gyno. I have a condition called interstitial cystitis which is a bladder condition that has gynocological side effects. I find that this helps calm the situation, but I know what the situation is. What I've found is that if you use the cream after painful sex once or twice you won't need it for a very long time.
megw06 megw06 9 years
My best friend had this problem and she ended up having to have surgery because of a vaginal condition. This is probably a worst-case scenario, but my point is you should really go see a gynecologist just in case.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
Lube lube lube and more lube!!! Serisouly, it works, trust me!
caryatid caryatid 9 years
FYI - hydrocortisone cream should be fine to use on external genital areas, not so much internal!, for swelling and the like. says so on the tube. =)
Kratsina Kratsina 9 years
Any type of vaginal pain means you should see your doctor. It could be something as serious as cervical cancer to something benign, like an untreated yeast infection. Also, a little known fact, is for some women their hymen doesn't break. Their's is made of much tougher stuff than your average woman's and it means their guy is literally knocking on their door every time they try to have sex but without getting in. A doctor has to remove the hymen. Have you been having pain since you started sex or just with the one boyfriend?
Miss-Niya Miss-Niya 9 years
nobody asked this gpoor woman "WHERE" it hurts and "HOW"the pain feels? This will probably help to pin point the problem a little more... is it internal or external pain? discomfort or a real irritation? Anyhoo, GO TO THE GYNO! /it could be any number of things!
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
This seems a little like writing in to an advice column to ask what to do about a lump you've found in your breast. :? Go to a doctor! Advice column readers can't help you diagnose physical issues.
yaliyah yaliyah 9 years
I also had a very large ovarian cyst that made intercourse painful. That could be an option, but you really should get checked out by a physician. Your body is telling you that something isn't right and a doctor could help you tease out the problem. Hopefully it is something simple tht only requires lube, but it could be much more serious. good luck!
o0osara o0osara 9 years
I had a huuuuuge cyst on my ovary (golf ball size at least). It hurt when I had sex...a LOT - especially in certain positions. I went and had a cat scan, and against my doctors wishes tried to have sex again - it burst mid sex, and I thought I was going to die.... my bf wanted to rush me to the hospital. Went back for my ultrasound/camera thingy, and they just found the fluid left over from it =( GO GET CHECKED
JessNess JessNess 9 years
kimsaks- what is the hydrocortisone cream for? That really is not something you should just apply freely. It has side effects and should definitely not be applied to the vaginal area specially without the advice of a doctor. In terms of having pain during and after sex only a gyno can really help you out there. I highly doubt that lube is going to be the only thing to help it. There can be a number of reasons why you are having pain- from UTI to really anything. GO TO THE GYNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
colieoats colieoats 9 years
I agree with you Kikidawn. As much as it may be nice and possibly therapeutic to vent about ailments and problems to others it is a good idea to talk these things over with your doctor. It sounds like overwhelmingly readers are offering the "lube solution." When I read the original post it wasn't clear to me if it were pain from lack of lubrication or a different type of pain she was experiencing. If it were something other than pain from lack of lubrication she should probably be holding off on sex, especially if it's painful, until she speaks with her doctor. Guys can be a little less understanding about "girly issues," so hopefully she isn't pressured by her guy to continue with the painful sex. Sex should be enjoyed and not something that is tolerated. I sincerely hope you find out what is going on and find a remedy. Good luck!
kikidawn kikidawn 9 years
When it comes to problems like that I have one philosophy... don't self diagnose - or have others diagnose for you. Go to a certified doctor. Simple as that. Make an appointment and get it looked at. It could be as simple as using more lube, but better safe than sorry!
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
I think EVERYONE has this problem, especially when they first start. Two words: MORE LUBE. I found that glycerin-based lub like KY and Astroglide got extremely sticky and caused redness and soreness. Try Liquid Silk, which is absolutely the BEST-- more like a lotion but made for, well, you know. You can get it at Use a lot of it, on both you and him. And get yourself checked out at the ob/gyn just in case, of course....
laurarose520 laurarose520 9 years
I'm on the same advice as many of the girls here. Lube. I use the KY Liquid, because I have issues with gel. It just icks me out. But yeah. I was hurting until we started using lube. It helps.
remedios remedios 9 years
I have to say it sounds weird that you love it but that it's painful. I generally don't love things that cause pain. I'm more the sadistic type, not masochistic. So you've gotten a few different ideas. It really depends on different things. Is this new, or has it always been like this? Are you going to the girlie doctor? Just see what seems most appropriate. Good luck.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
You said 'hurts' as in plural so i think you should take a visit to the gyno and see what's up.
kimsaks86 kimsaks86 9 years
Get some lube STAT. Astroglide is great. Also, get to the doctor and rule out various medical issues. Finally, after intercourse try a dab of hydrocortizone does wonders.
purelove purelove 9 years
It could also be a condition called vagismus which causes spasms and tightness and sometimes pretty severe pain in the area. I have a mild condition of this... over time it gets better and better. I was a virgin when married to my loving husband and with patience and practice it has gotten better, but sometimes there is still pain. The best thing is to have a gyno exam and talk with your doctor about the problems. hopefully the two of youc an come to a solution. hope this helps!
jadorechaussures jadorechaussures 9 years
Why do you "love" something that gives you pain? Have you always had this problem or is this your only sexual partner? If you never had this problem before by process of elimination it may be something about this b/f like the other readers have alluded to either his size or a STD. Just go to the DOCTOR and they will figure it out. Don't be shy doctors have heard and seen it all. Trust me in medschool we have seen crazy stuff, this is nothing to be embarassed about especially if it's affecting your "quality of life".
NdHebert NdHebert 9 years
No reason to be rude Eternity. If you are feeling pain constantly, I don't think the solution is just lube it up, maybe thats a temporary solution but if you are sexually active you need to go to the doctor no matter what. Sorry that I gave a real life answer since I used to experience the same problem, 'thanks'.
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