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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Is Flirting When You're Married Wrong?

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Is Flirting When You're Married Wrong?

DearSugar and Flirty Flo need your help. She's happily married but loves to be social and flirt with other guys. Is there anything wrong with that?

Dear Sugar,

I'm happily married and the other night my husband and I went out with a group of people to celebrate our friend's birthday. I had a couple drinks and was having a blast on the dance floor. I ended up dancing with these guys and we all started flirting a little bit. I looked over at my husband and he was watching the whole thing with a smile on his face and he waved to me.

Part of me likes to flirt because it's fun, and part of me just likes to make sure that I've "still got it." It reminds me of my college days and makes me feel young. I'm so in love with my husband and would NEVER do anything to jeopardize the wonderful relationship we have. He doesn't seem to care when I dance with or talk to other guys, but I still feel a little guilty. I can almost feel the eyes of his friends on me whenever we go out as if they don't trust me. I have never betrayed my husband, he is the love of my life, but I have to say, I still love to flirt! Is there something wrong with doing a little harmless flirting when you're married?


Join The Conversation
sabrinaBee sabrinaBee 9 years
i hate to see my man flirting so i don't tend to do it. though i do it when i've had a drink or two. he does that as well. sometimes i feel a bit guilty after, like i didn't show respect to him. but i have to admit that flirting makes you feel good.
Daddisgrl Daddisgrl 9 years
No, in my book flirting is not ok. I don't like when it is done to me so I wouldn't do it to someone else. How do you know your husband is really ok with it, just because he smiled? Can you say for sure that the smile wasn't hiding a frown? Who knows, maybe he does it too? Flirting can lead to cheating. All it takes is one drink too many and life will never be the same. You can go out and have fun but I don't see why you feel you need to know that you still have it. I know I have it every time my hubby & I make love. You can't fake that.
rubialala rubialala 9 years
popgoestheworld is exactly right.
hvanness331 hvanness331 9 years
I guess we need to figure out the difference between having fun and flirting. If a girl is having fun with a member of the opposite sex, is it automatically considered flirting?
Cynnie Cynnie 9 years
I agree with daddysdarling I mean I've been with my guy for awhile now and I still don't need the 'approval' that I still got it just because my guy gives me all of that. I don't believe in 'harmless flirting' ... I just find it to be disrespectful but then again ... it's only what I think.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
I wouldn't do it, because I wouldn't want him flirting with chicks. And if I do it, how can I get mad if he does?
onesong onesong 9 years
i kind of disagree with most...i don't think there really is anything called "harmless" flirting. i don't think it's really okay, but hey...i'm not you and i'm not in your relationship. i just know that if i saw my bf flirting i would NOT be pleased!
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 9 years
yup~ it depends on you two. If you like it and he has no problem with it, then yay for you! You guys got a good thing goin! Now me, I'm the kinda girl that doesn't really like seeing my bf flirt with other girls cuz it makes me feel like he's leading them on (making them think he has some kind of interest in them) and that he is a bit ashamed to say he's not single. That just bugs me personally, cuz I tell guys who I'm not interested in that I have a bf, just so it's out there and they know to behave, and most of the time they're cool with it and still wanna hang around the party and chat and drink. No problems =) eh, personal relationship preference. You guys seemed to have figured it out, just make sure you let your man know he's the one and only ;) let those guys be jealous of him.
cari047 cari047 9 years
I consider flirting wrong, especially if you are married. But it all depends on the person and your husband doesn't mind, but i think he minds if he wasnt there. My friend is totally flirting with this one guy and her husband has been depoloyed for four months and it just saddens me that she is like this and that is why she is no longer my friend. You just have to know the fine line. And why do you still feel like you need to flirt, don't you have a wonderful husband.
LittleLady12 LittleLady12 9 years
This is another "to each their own" situation. To some, this is wrong. To others, it isn't. It looks like in your case, it isn't wrong. It's harmless and completely detached flirting, and you do it right in front of your husband and he smiles and waves at you, so it seems like it's okay in your situation. It's obvious nothing's wrong if it ain't broke, don't fix it!
staceyleeroberts staceyleeroberts 9 years
I think it depends on who you are flirting with, if your husband is in on it and knows you are just goofing around, if you are not hurting any other guys feelings, do you keep your wedding ring on, telling the guys you are flirting with you are married, etc.
demeter demeter 9 years
I'm just wondering why you need to feel like you've 'still got it' when you have a wonderful husband who loves you. THAT should make you feel like you've 'still got it'.
omilawd omilawd 9 years
If your husband doesn't care and if you're firm on your "I won't cheat on him no matter what" beliefs, then I don't see anything wrong with it, especially if it makes you happy.
MissPretty MissPretty 9 years
I feel if you question is wrong!!!!! PERIOD!!!!
LolaDub LolaDub 9 years
i think as long as its harmless and you have the trust part lockdown..then its okay..but if its physical or have anything emotional involved then it can be bad.
paii paii 9 years
Flirting and socializing really are two differant things.
Schaianne Schaianne 9 years
Nothing wrong with HARMLESS flirting! Joking around and such. But if flirting is including kissing, touching, actually coming on to someone else ... then it's a big no-no.
beautiful1nes beautiful1nes 9 years
well see i'm not married but in a long realationship and if my boyfriend was flirting with other girls it would bother me. I think its wrong to flirt with others while you already have a lover. I don't flirt with other guys i'm very commited and trust worthly to my man because he is with me. So I would say it is wrong even more if he doesn't flirt with others. To me if your in a realationship and feel you have to flirt or like to then your not completely comfortable with who you are and who your with. But thats just me i'm not here to judge, I just think its wrong to flirt.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
physical flirting (like suggestive dancing) no not okay. limited flirting where there is zero chance of things going any farther (over the meat counter with the butcher, the guy getting coffee behind you in line) is okay. the trouble with physical flirting is that "just a little more" gets to "to much" so fast. i have to wonder why part of a couple would get off on watching their spouse flirt. does that make it okay for them to do the same when their partner isn't around? do they want to invite a 3rd party into the relationship (which then brings up their sexuality). if you feel uncomfortable with it, "guilty", there is a reason.
bastille_75 bastille_75 9 years
I do not think that there's anything wrong with that!!!!!! I have a good friend "C" who is married and likes to go out and drink and dance and yes, flirt on Fridays - She loves her husband and I have never known her to stray, but she works hard all week and wants to let off a little steam at the end of a long work week. Also, she makes a great wing man, because while she may not be looking for herself, she does a great job of meeting guys and passing them on to her friends. And thank God for her, because the out of all my single and married friends she is by far the most fun. My single friends make all about hooking-up and on the rare occasion my married friends go out - they constantly complain (about the loud music, the high priced drinks, the scamming guys, etc.) But, "C" never does any of that and just enjoys being out. . . I guess, there's something about having a great guy waiting for her at home that makes going out pure pleasure (I assume - since I'm still single).
spazzydana spazzydana 9 years
haha i'm just kind of wondering, your grinding on some dude and your husband just waves and smiles? i think he's a little consufed..
indielove indielove 9 years
I definitely agree with the last part of what DarkRayne said. If the shoe was on the other foot, would it have been fine with you?
DarkRayne DarkRayne 9 years
If your just talking to them it's one thing, if your leading them on then there is something wrong with that. Why flirt and make these losers feel good. What a joke. They are probably looking at you like your some kind of floosy, flirting with them and being married. And it's disgracing your husband sitting there like a fool watching. How sad. If your husband was flirting while you were sitting there, wouldn't you feel like it's a put down? Or would you wave and smile, I don't think so.
lily314 lily314 9 years
If you're not planning to stray and your husband is okay with it, is it really flirting? It sounds more like you're just being sociable and fun. Just keep a pulse on how your husband feels and don't cross certain lines.
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