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DearSugar Needs Your Help: How Can I Move on From This Betrayal?

DearSugar and Betrayed Becky need your help. She was hurt by her ex and her best friend and she doesn't know what to do. She misses them both but is still devastated by their actions. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago, but we have been in contact ever since. I ended things with him because I never really trusted him. He's disappointed me multiple times throughout our one-and-a-half year relationship, and I just knew he wasn't the one for me in the long run.

I couldn't bear to break up with him so I lied and said I didn't believe in marriage (it's his dream to get married), and that prompted him to break up with me. Despite all that, I still miss him and love him.

However, recently I heard that my ex got together with my best friend the very day after we broke up! I was shocked — I felt betrayed, angry and used. When I confronted my ex about this, he denied it. But when I confronted my "best friend," she confirmed it. I sent various angry emails to my ex, one moment forgiving him, another scolding him. Now all we have is sourness and bitterness, but at times, I still think of him and sometimes I still miss her.

How do I get over this betrayal and anger I feel? Is there any way I could rectify my friendship with my ex, or with my friend? And should I? — Betrayed Becky


Join The Conversation
danizzle danizzle 8 years
your boyfriend and friend both sound like losers. and if you dont quit hanging out with people like that and move on, then you will be a loser too!
prefectiondiva prefectiondiva 8 years
Wow some type of friends you have!! This is a very highschoolish sounding type scenario! How on earth would someobe just break up with you b/c the 2 of you didn't agree on marriage?? *smh* That sounds sooo ridiculous. Get yourself together before even thinking about getting into another r/s and thinking abt marriage PLEASE!
designerel designerel 8 years
Seems to me like there was something going on with your bf and best friend while he was still with you. Otherwise they wouldn't have gotten together so fast. You're better off without them.
wildflower666 wildflower666 8 years
wont date someone like him in beginning because he not worth your breath feeling brayed about some loser
macchiatolove macchiatolove 8 years
I think that you are missing what you had, and feeling lonely, but trying to be friends with them is NOT the answer. It will make you more sad because it will not be the same as it was before, which will just remind you of everything you're missing. I think you need to avoid them completely, and work hard to forget both of them. You don't need this kind of drama in your life. I think you need to remember that you CHOSE to break up with him, and you had doubts otherwise you wouldn't have done that. Remind yourself of all the things that he did that you were concerned about. Do all of the things you enjoy that he never liked doing. I think that you should have been honest and upfront about your feelings rather than make HIM break up with you, but then maybe you have learnt from that experience and you won't do it again.
majestic2008 majestic2008 8 years
well once you cry the river just build a bridge and get over it you know its not the end of the world cause of one guy that you kinda pushed away that just so happend to fall for your bestfriend but you can still be friends with them i dont see why not
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
first off - your friend really should have known better. isn't there a girl rule that you don't date your friend's exes - especially not a BEST friend and especially not just one day after they've broken up? i think that for myself it would take a lot for me to forgive either of them and you just have to think about whether either are the kind of person that you want in your life. knowing that you had trust issues with your man beforehand just gives evidence that maybe you should be kind of concerned with his actions, but your friend - see - things like this make me lose faith in thinking that there decent people out there. she's obviously just looking out for herself if she was so quick to hook up with him, especially since you and he had gone out for such a long time. if you think that you'll be able to forgive her, then i say make the effort, but i know that for myself - that's really stepping over the line and although i don't hold grudges, i also think that i can't live with disrespect.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
We're all going to say move on, either. Can't really blame your bf, stuff happens and some people are just like that. As for your friend, well, she should have at least considered your feelings, but she didn't. One day after is just amazing. Seems like they couldn't wait to get their grips on each other. If it's too unbearable, move on from BOTH of them. Focus on yourself and bettering your life, emotions, etc.
sushibananas sushibananas 8 years
It doesn't sound like you had a very good relationship with this guy in the first place - you even lied just to get out of the relationship. And it seems to me that maybe your best friend wasn't living up to her title before she thought it was a good idea to get together with your ex so soon after you broke up. So...I echo some other comments. It's a mess. It may be painful and awful, but it doesn't sound like you will benefit from having these two people in your life. Cut your losses and move on!
Fallen85 Fallen85 8 years
You're just bored and feel all sad because they're together and happy and you're alone but really... they're probably just going to sit around and laugh at you if you try to become friends with them again. You mess with his head and lie to him and then he breaks up with you and then he and your "best friend" hook up the next day and then he lies to you about it... why the hell would you want to stay friends with either of these people?? Grow up and get better friends, also, stop playing games in your relationships. Karma comes back 10-fold, remember?
pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 8 years
You don't need people like that in your life.
bluestar bluestar 8 years
Forget about the ex. You didn't want to be with him, remember? Your friend doesn't sound like a friend to me.
omilawd omilawd 8 years
No offense, but you sound very immature. First, you didn't have the maturity to break up with him yourself and tricked him into doing it for you. Then, you sent him e-mails full of mixed signals and emotions. Right now, you need to focus on yourself rather than your ex and your "friend." You need to figure out what you want in life and in a partner, and focus on growing up to fulfill those goals. Sorry to sound harsh.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Grow up, please. Don't moan and whine about how you didn't want to be with him, but then get upset when he moves on.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
This is really high school sounding. I agree with the first poster - you don't need this in your life. Obviously you were right about something... it's not to say you can't ever be friends, but right now you need to get away from and forget about these two.
letsgetloud21 letsgetloud21 8 years
eeek 1 day after you broke up. If I were you, I would say hell no I don't need people like that in my life. go and find some new friends and forget those 2.umm geez now I know why you never really trusted him.
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