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DearSugar Needs Your Help: What's So Great About Strip Clubs?

DearSugar Needs Your Help: What's So Great About Strip Clubs?

DearSugar and Grossed Out Gretchen need your help. Her boyfriend enjoys the occasional jaunt to the strip clubs with his buddies, but she doesn't understand the thought process behind it. I'm sure many of you have experienced this before, so do you have any words of wisdom for her?

Dear Sugar,

Why do attached men go to strip clubs? It's a topic of conversation that I try to bring up with my boyfriend, but he brushes me off every time I broach the subject. I just don't understand why they spend money to see a strange naked women who won't dance for them for less than $50, when they could go home to the women they love and do the horizontal tango for free! I totally get that men need their guy time, but why can't they do it at a bar that doesn't involved scantily clad women? — Grossed Out Gretchen


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Marci Marci 8 years
I don't get it, either. They go out and get all hot and bothered but then by the time they get home? phfffffft!
Jmartens Jmartens 8 years
I think everyone is over analyzing this. The answer is boobs!
Seka21 Seka21 8 years
My boyfriend never went or will go (actually same with 2 exs- all from my country) because half naked women remind them of prostitues (its very Wh*rish) and its 'too easy'.... if its too available they dont want it. Men like mystery and class... i think its so tacky and cheap to go to places like that. Slap your boyfriend and tell him its you or them.. if your uncomfortable dont put up with it. And find yourself a man with better taste.
melizzle melizzle 8 years
Variety is the spice of life. Anyone?
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
Strip clubs are so tacky.
jocupcake jocupcake 8 years
Also, I'd be pretty pissed if my bf just didn't want to talk about this. If it is important to you, he should absolutely be willing to have a conversation about it. I would mention it again (w/o being aggressive - just say you are uncomfortable w/ it) and if he still ignores you I'd seriously question whether or not you want to be in a relationship where your boyfriend doesn't at least consider your feelings. If it comes down to it, I'm sure you can do better.
khadeekiinsz khadeekiinsz 8 years
Well, if my guy did very rarely, like on a boys night out thing Once a year. I wouldn't really have a problem with it. If its an addiction, then you have a problem. Of course, a woman wouldn't want her guy seeing naked woman, and other women getting him hot. But, I do also think its more for single bachelors.
jocupcake jocupcake 8 years
I think it's kind of inappropriate and disrespectful to go out to strip clubs and stare at real live naked girls/guys when you are in a relationship. However, I would also think it was inappropriate to go out to bars and flirt. Sure everyone has fantasies, but if you're in a relationship, I hope you have enough love and respect for your SO to limit your imagination to occasional porn. I don't know though, this is just me. I often think that as a whole, women just put up with lots of stuff (like this) and pretend it's ok b/c guys "need to be guys" or whatever. This seems like a total cop out. I like hot sexy naked guys too! But you would never ever see me telling my boyfriend that I was going to go out to a club/bar to stare/flirt because "I have needs and fantasies" or whatever. I'd fantasize w/ porn, not with real people.
mypapersky mypapersky 8 years
I agree with the person who recommended finding someone who shares your values. If my boyfriend ever went to a strip club, I'd dump him. My boyfriend knows where I stand on the whole viewing women as objects thing, and if he ever supported a business/industry such as a strip club that does nothing but, then he'd be gone faster that I could say "we're done".
MegN MegN 8 years
Well yea, I must say I agree with Leila as well. Just because I don't have any problem with it, doesn't mean that you aren't entitled to feel it's wrong. But I was under the impression that Gretchen just didn't understand why guys did it, not that she just thought it was wrong.
lilegwene lilegwene 8 years
Agree with Leila 100%
myprivatespace myprivatespace 8 years
totally wid u, Chrstne... thank god, my bf lives in a city where the pubs are decent enough not to host such shows. So, basically I never had the opprtunity to test him on this issue. Anyway, i'll hate him seeing another woman and turning on. It will be so degrading if he imagines a nude stranger while in bed with me. Strip clubs, as far as i believe, are for single bachelors who want some excitement in their lives.. not for committed or married ones.
heatherhas heatherhas 8 years
Hm. If you have a problem with it and he doesn't care??? DUMP HIM. Forget all this debate wether is is right or wrong. I mean, I find that most girls either don't mind or they do. There is not really any middle ground. Find a guy that shares your values. That simple. Don't waste your time with him any longer.
Chrstne Chrstne 8 years
I wouldn't like my BF to go to a strip club, just based on the fact that you should want what you have, not go out, get turned on by some other bitch, then want to have sex with me. I wouldn't do it to my man, and while he might say he "doesn't care" -- he'd get SO pissed...and I wouldn't want him to do it either. I'm no jealous, obsessive or over protective, I just don't think it's necessary.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 8 years
I wouldn't be too happy about my boy going to a strip club, but I can't really stop him or fault him for it if he does. As long as he doesn't spend the whole night there and blow his paycheck on bills for the ladies. I might get a bit cranky but as long as it's not all the time I'd get over it. Chicks at the bar are so much worse though. We were at a TAFE function of all things, waiting in line for cocktails and as soon as I went to go sit down this bitch tried to pick up my partner! Even though she saw me give him a quick hug and kiss before I left! When he told me I felt like smacking her.
aka-Daria aka-Daria 8 years
I'd brush if off too if I thought it was a stupid topic for a conversation. Nowhere does the OP state that he's spending every single waking moment at strip clubs and spending every single penny he earns on them.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Is anyone else bothered by how dismissive her boyfriend is? I am - I couldn't imagine dating someone who brushed me off about a simple conversation, especially if the conversation is about spending money looking at other women's stuff. I guess I've been lucky in dating quality guys...
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
I think guys just like to think that they can have any woman they want and strippers are supposedly hot and they act as if they want you, what's not to like? I can't say I'd be happy to have my husband going to strip clubs but I can think of plenty worse things. It's the same as watching porn as long as he doesn't touch more than he should. Just be happy he's coming home to you.
mack2600 mack2600 8 years
i agree with most comments here, but i understand why you'd be jealous or protective. the truth is that women do the same kind of thing all the time just in different ways -- things that stimulate our minds in the same way a guy is visually stimulated going to a strip club. it's a lie to say that when you're in love and in a happy relationship your mind never wanders and you don't fantasize every-so-often, it's human nature. like others suggested, i'd go to the strip club with him to see what it's all about. i love female strip clubs and i actually prompt my boyfriend to come out with me to more of a high-class or burlesque club all the time, which he loves -- or i'll just go to one with my friends on a girl's night out. if you're on the east coast, my favorite club in philly is risque. in fact my favorite stripper there is this girl janine, she is covered in tattoos and so much fun to watch. hahahaha sorry if that's more information than you wanted. anyway, just give it a try -- let loose, have fun, and don't be too uptight because you'll suffocate the both of you.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
Sparklestar does have a point...
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
This is a very basic case of fantasy vs. reality ! Fantasy should never come true but unfortunately it does when a guy goes to a strip club. They can't have sex with these women gyrating around and it's a case of not having their cake AND eating it. They just get to look at the cake. =) As for the woman at home? What? You mean that frumpy bag in the dressing gown who is nagging him to take the trash out and do the washing up? Yeah, I can't imagine why he'd want to go to a strip club... =) p.s. I am a frumpy bag in a dressing gown, my boyfriend doesn't go to strip clubs but he does actively watch pornography. I do too.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
Sweaty tits and vaginas everywhere. The tease is almost climactic. I personally don't find a big deal in them though. I'd rather just find a good woman and enjoy time with her, or be single and spend money on myself. Why throw away money just too look at a naked women when you can just do it online for free? I don't get guys sometimes with their lustfest -_-.
chatondeneige chatondeneige 8 years
MegN, I'm with you. That kind of language is pretty harsh. I don't see them as terribly different from any other tipped employee. I'm a bartender and sometimes work the restaurant side. When I work the restaurant side, I'm sugary-sweet and I pretend that loud kids don't annoy me, or I politely flirt back to guys who flirt with me because I know it'll get me bigger tips. These women are doing a job, and while it isn't the job I'd choose, calling them "skanky gold diggers" is pretty nasty.
MegN MegN 8 years
Skanky gold diggers? Ouch. I'm not even a stipper and that hurt my feelings. Otherwise I'm tempted to just say they do it 'cause it's fun. And unless they're blowing all their money, I wouldn't see a problem with it.
Fallen85 Fallen85 8 years
My man says "Well, for me, you get to see a bunch of naked chicks and you get to drink and hang out with your buddies at the same time. Then when you get home, you're ready and rarin' to go with your woman" I'd 100% rather my man go to a strip club and be surrounded by skanky gold diggers then go to a bar and be surrounded by desperate bitches looking for a one night stand.
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