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Did I Turn Him Off?

"Did I Turn Him Off?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

A week ago, I met up with a guy for drinks and we hit it off. He asked me immediately after for another date 3 days later. That date went very well, and he wanted to see me again 2 days afterward. We had a great time. He texted me the next night (this past Saturday), and said if I wasn't busy I should come hang with him. I told him I'd love to, but I was out with friends. I texted him briefly the next day (Sunday), but haven't had interaction since.

Is he not into me, or am I not giving him enough time to ask me out again, or what? I'm so burned by my last relationship and these "just not into you" books that I don't know what to think. I feel like I made the last move to interact (he did respond, BTW), so it's in his court. 


Another thing is, when we were together Friday, I got the sense that he's insecure about girls. Case in point, I handed him my empty glass and said "This is done" and he wheeled around with a pained look on his face, and said "Oh, I didn't know what you meant by 'this is done,'" as if I was referring to him and me! Thoughts?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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henna-red henna-red 5 years
One thing that always puzzles me is why it has to be his turn, her turn. I mean, That's fair, to take turns, but what if you really want to do something and it's not your turn to suggest, ask, whatever? I don't really get always waiting for the guy to ask me out. If I want to spend some time, I invite someone to spend some time. Why not just make him an invitation, since you want to see him again, instead of just waiting for him to take the initiative? Is this naive? It's been five days, has this resolved? Did you go out?
dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
Rules? Games? Use common sense and a little honesty and it will get you everywhere. Play stupid three day or two day games and pretty soon you won't be getting anywhere, just like the single women who play games. Call him. The guy took you out twice and asked you out a third time. Let him know you really hope to see him again, and that you had a great time and then thats it. Hopefully he'll ask you out again. Be honest.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
ya know, I love that "men are like busses"....line. :) Hope the next one coming along has new upholstery and doesn't smell like pee. LOL
sharky89 sharky89 5 years
He could have not responded for a number of reasons. There's no point in questioning yourself or if it's something you did.  If he's interested, he'll be in touch.  If he's not, there's better fish in the sea who won't get turned off by something minor and will be a better fit for you.... And I agree with MELayesen - if he's as insecure about girls as you say he is, it might not be worth it dealing with that.  You'll likely be dragged down by his insecurities in the long run.  The beginning stage of dating is supposed to be fun/lighthearted!    I also began casually dating after being burned, and started seeing someone (who was also insecure) for about 2 months.  Needless to say, it didn't work out - I got tired of constantly questioning myself after dates with him so I stopped seeing him.  I took time to work on myself and enjoy my life.... and I've noticed a huge difference in how I handle dating situations now.  I've become more confident and worry less about being rejected etc - the early stages are a lot more fun and less pressure filled (worrying puts unnecessary pressure on both parties) now.  It's much easier to clearly assess who's a better fit and not take rejection personally.
MELayesen MELayesen 5 years
Well if he hasn't texted back, then I guess that's a clear sign that he no longer wants to speak with you. Does that mean that he thinks he's not into you? Probably not. Judging by what you said about his insecurity, he probably stopped texting because he was too insecure.    If he's insecure about girls, it might pose a problem in the long run. I don't know if it'll be worth it for you to deal with.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
I have always been absolute drech with dating rules. It's great to have people clarifying here! Nice.
chibros chibros 5 years
Ya missmaryb, that's "Three days rule" adopted from "Jesus Resurrection" after three days. Normally apply the rule's in other not to seems desperate. For instance, you got the number today and called three days later.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
He waited exactly 3 days to call for a second date. I know I've read that, about waiting 3 days to call after a first date. I don't think it's a coincidence. I think he's doing this with some kind of "system" he's read about. He's probably purposely not responding to you because he's got himself all stressed out trying to do things "right" and drive you crazy with longing. It's working lol. Don't give this any more worry than you have. If he wants to date you he'll get in touch and if he doesn't, it's nothing you've done. "Men are like buses...if you miss one, there'll be another along in 5 minutes." Good luck.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 5 years
Wow I wish I had you guys around when I was in my early 20s and all my friends and I would talk about was "why is he doing that? what is he thinking? what should I do about him?" Nice wake up call ladies!
BiWife BiWife 5 years
OP, do yourself and this guy a favor. Don't date anyone until you can figure out how to be happy on your own. You sound absolutely panicked over whether or not a guy you've barely met likes you or not. Calm down, take a deep breath. You need to figure out why your self-esteem is so low that someone must keep in nearly constant contact with you and thereby constantly reassuring you? Why don't you hold yourself in higher confidence? Do you think there's something wrong with you? I have a feeling there are a lot of insecurities behind the face you put on for everyone, you need to find someone you trust that you can talk to about this. A parent, teacher/professor, peer/friend, counselor/therapist, etc. Once you can be confident and happy in your relationship with yourself, then go out and work on your relationships with other people.
chibros chibros 5 years
You're already being obsessed of him. Give things time and space, focus on your things, it's too early to start analyzing things. If he reach out for you, fine, if not reach out for him, if no responds, you might want to forget him and do your things
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
It really is too soon to tell. Don't text him or call him today if he doesn't first. Tomorrow. Shoot him a Good morning text to let him know you're still interested. Wait it out. Patience is a virtue my dear!
Padawan-Pri Padawan-Pri 5 years
Still too early to be stressing about this. Just have fun, if he calls he calls. If you didn't purposely do anything to upset him or turn him off (e.g. some people are a bit particular about things like swearing and typical stuff like politics and religion) then don't worry. If something did put him off, you shouldn't stress. You don't want to have to hold back on what you deem completely normal behaviour for someone that you don't really know yet. Even if he is shy around girls, he should have enough gumption to want to see you again without you urging him on too much.
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