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Didn't Tell Him I Was a Virgin

"I Didn't Tell Him I Was a Virgin"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

OK, here we go. Well I was a 22-year-old virgin till a couple of days ago. Here’s the thing I knew this guy for a while now more of a friend level nothing serious well we had conversations about sex and he assumed that I was sexually active and I never corrected him or implied otherwise. So anyways, we went out a couple of times well one night we went out for drinks and things got a little heated I didn’t know whether to tell him or just go with it well I decided to just go with it and not let him know. I suppose because I was embarrassed of the whole being 22 and a virgin. So I was wondering should I have told him or do I still tell him or did he figure that out with me not being experienced. I didn’t bleed but it did hurt a little of course but I didn’t make it obvious so I think and he hasn’t mentioned it.

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tanyaghosh tanyaghosh 3 years

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mmaxwell mmaxwell 5 years
*what you feel comfortable with.
mmaxwell mmaxwell 5 years
Losing your virginity doesn't have to be a big deal and it doesn't have to with someone "special." Sexuality is all about you and what you feel comfortable. One of the most important parts of the women's rights movement was focusing on personal sexual gratification rather than making it about another person. You absolutely don't have to tell him. If being a virgin wasn't a big deal for you that's fine (I never told the guy I lost my virginity to and I don't regret it at all.) Don't listen to or accept any judgement.
livinlife1985 livinlife1985 5 years
I agree with just about everyone else on here....people need to stop being so judgmental. I don't think you should feel obligated to tell him anything. But like a previous post, if you two stay together the dreaded "how many people have you slept with" convo will come up, and he will more than likely be delighted to hear your answer :)
Quriosity Quriosity 5 years
I don't think you're obligated to tell him, like another poster said, it's not herpes, it's not something that he has to know and that would affect him. It's totally up to you. I don't like to see the virginity situation as "giving" or "losing" it. To me, it's an experience. As an independent, modern woman, and yes, feminist, I don't see having intercourse for the first time as vulnerability, and therefore I am not "giving" or "losing" it. I'd just like to share this thought...
danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
Agree with the previous comment! The judgmental comments (not surprising coming from someone here) are ridiculous. It's your virginity, you can give it to whoever you want.
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
I don't think she sounded embarrassed, just like she didn't feel comfortable sharing that information with the guy. Not everyone equates physical intimacy with emotional intimacy. To the OP- you were in no way obligated to tell him. It's virginity, not herpes. I think a lot of emphasis is put on what your first time "should be" instead of what it typically is. If you're comfortable with how things went, then no harm done. If not, decide what part of the situation made you uncomfortable and adjust your actions in the future. Sex is just like any other part of life, you figure out what you want from it through trial and error. Just make sure you don't get too caught up in the heat of the moment that you forget to be safe.
steph1234 steph1234 5 years
Wow...sounds like you gave it away just oh a whim with no thought or feeling behind it, like you were desperate. I feel sad for you. You spoke like being 22 and a virgin was such a bad shouldn't be something you're embarrassed about...and if you're too conflicted or embarrassed to discuss it with the person you have/had sex with, then it's common sense that you shouldn't be having sex with them in the first place.
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 5 years
I don't think he noticed or that you need to fess up to him, but I do think that you deserve to be with someone who will make sex feel special, especially the first time. I hope it was a positive experience for you, but I'd look for someone who will make sex meaningful in the future!
Sweet-Melissa-111 Sweet-Melissa-111 5 years
I doubt he'll have figured it out based on your performance with him. I think that it's totally up to you whether you want to let him know. If you don't think that anything serious is going to develop between the two of you, then it doesn't really matter. If you do get serious, the conversation will probably come up organically at some point.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
`i hope you had a nice time. In my book whether you are a virgin or not is pretty insignificant. Sex gets better as time goes on and passion kicks in. The passion bit is far more important than whether you were a virgin or not. The important thing is to find lovers who are not selfish and cater for your real needs. Have fun and be careful!
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
Sad to hear you spend such an important event and special moment with no one special. Next time, make it with someong who cares about you.
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