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Disappointed With Proposal

"I'm Disappointed With His Proposal"

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

We've been dating for the past one and a half year and sometime back he just blurted out on the phone that he wants to marry me . . . though I did not like the way he did it, I said yes because I do love him. Later I did give him hints that I love romantic proposals (I think every girl deserves one . . . been dreaming about it since I was a kid). But he keeps going down on one knee every time we meet. It's become like a routine thing to do, and we have a long distance relationship now and he does ask often. Don't know what to do. I told him that you only propose once properly, cried over it. I may be overreacting, but whenever I think about it, I get all choked up. I told him on face that little gestures make me happy. I don't want a fancy over the top proposal, but a simple romantic one. And he's like tell me what you want and I'll do it exactly. That pissed me off. I cried and also told him that he ruined the surprise element of a proposal. I am just upset that I am never going to have a good proposal. Plus he did not do anything for our first anniversary either.

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loladior loladior 5 years
Kind of disagree with everyone here. It sounds to me like he is trivializing and mocking your request.Your feelings do matter even if someone else thinks they are overly romantic or too girly. Try calmly discussing this, no crying, and end the issue.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
this same question comes up on here every few weeks, and people always criticize someone with a romanticized vision of a proposal. As someone who had a romanticized vision of what my proposal would be, I communicated that to my fiance (then boyfriend). He asked me a bunch of questions about would like/would not like etc. and i got the type of proposal I wanted. So I don't think this is an issue of "you're being a brat/he's being lazy," it's a communication thing. If you go through life (or even worse, marriage) expecting to get exactly what you want without communicating it, you're going to to face disappointment after disappointment.
steph1234 steph1234 5 years
This is childish...selfish....insignificant. Why are you marrying him to begin with? My husband did not do a huge romantic proposal. Actually, because we had talked about marriage so much, he asked my dad for my hand in marriage....then he told me, it's official...and I said, well you have to actually ask he asked was sweet, cute, and fit his personality and our relationship....Now when people ask me how he proposed, I tell him and we all laugh. The important thing is that we are compatible....he is trustworthy, loyal, devoted, loving, etc. Romance is really hyped on television and movies and unfortunately the girls get silly ideas in their heads of how it is 'supposed' to be...and great guys get girls who are unappreciative and spoiled and pissed off....does that really seem fair to you? He really sounds like he wants to marry need to rethink your priorities. Maybe you are not mature enough to get married yet.
chibros chibros 5 years
That's the problem with some lady, guys are not mind readers.. Some are not good at romantic stuffs, surprises or all these fairly tales but they can make a good home. If awesome proposal really matters to you, then you shouldn't have accepted over the phone proposal. That would make him work more, finding out more what could be romantic. since you have accepted it, accept it with your whole heart, it that is important for you, then leave him an email with detail things you find more romantic..
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 5 years
Do this guy a favor and dump him.
GZO GZO 5 years
Sorry if this is harsh, but I think by overreacting and getting pissed off and crying and telling him he's doing it all wrong, maybe you're the one ruining it. It seems like he actually wants to marry you, and is even willing to go along with you want, but you've been making such a big deal about how he proposes to you that he's probably exhausted. Why don't you drop the subject for a couple months so you can both think it over. After all, the proposal is NOT supposed to be what matters. It's whether or not you really love each other and really want to spend your lives together that matters. So if you can't put this behind you, break it off with this guy who genuinely loves you and find some prince charming who will go all out and propose to you "properly" and romantically. But good luck finding a man who loves you, wants to marry you, and can also read your mind.  
Christina2528423 Christina2528423 5 years
I agree with the above. Men are not mind readers. When I got with my guy he made me promise not to expect him to read my mindnandnthen be angry when he can't. Also, this romantic proposal thing is really something pop culture leads us to expect-not every guy is that romantic or creative. You have to decide now, not later, whether the man or the manner of proposal is more important to you.
wolfjinx25 wolfjinx25 5 years
First of all, he's a guy and they tend to be clueless when it comes to romance. Secondly, if you're that big on romance then he might not be the right guy for you. You might want to suggest some "romantic" ideas to him but if that doesn't help, he's just not the romantic type of guy and you may not want to marry that type. I didn't think my fiancee was the romantic type until he proposed to me somewhere special that we both liked. Suggest a place that you two actually found together that means something to both of you. You mentioned he did not do anything for your anniversary. Well, you need to tell him these things and make suggestions otherwise he'll never meet your expectations. 
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
Look, if you're big into romance and it's something you really need to make you feel special and cherished in a relationship, maybe this isn't the guy you should be marrying. If it's not something you really need, then take a step back and recognize that (it sounds like) he's really trying to make you feel special. Guys aren't psychic, they do need guidance. Maybe tell him about a few proposals you heard about that you thought were really sweet as inspiration for one that he can create just for you. Tell him that's what you want: something personalized for the two of you. Also mention that anniversaries are really important to you. You have to tell him your expectations for romance. Really, you're going to have to tell him your expectations for all areas of life if you want this to be a successful marriage.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 5 years
Stop the 'I'm going to make a proposal a drama' madness! He's on your side, he wants to marry you! Yay! Go get the book "Men are from Mars" by John Gray. You will not believe how easy this is to fix. Right now you sound like a small kid having a tantrum. Girl up. Have some dignity and give him some too. He loves you and wants to make you happy, but you're going to have to stop making this proposal something he has inflicted on you, and look at it his way: he botched up a life important memory. That's pretty humiliating. He is clueless and that needs your help to understand your expectations. You'll disappoint him as deeply too, trust me. How would you want him to treat you when you mess up as much? Welcome to marriage. Figuring it out with another incredibly fallible human being like yourself. I am saying this in all support, and totally understand. I had a guy propose to me in a parking lot when it was freezing and we were rushing to the car. I hate being cold. I cut him off in a panic and said: "No! Honey not here! I'm freezing and just want to get warm." I didn't say another word. Next time it was about two or three weeks in front of a roaring fire. Alas, it wasn't the right guy and we didn't get married, but it became a funny story and one of his favorite lines to drop was "No honey, not here!" Have fun and congratulations!
BiWife BiWife 5 years
I agree with ducky, sounds like he's got some issues with approval/reinforcement of such and needs to hear you say that you'll be with him forever all the time. But beyond that, it sounds like you guys really need to work on effective communication (again agreeing with ducky). It could be that you're each speaking the wrong way and not really resonating with your partner. I've recommended this book/site several times because I honestly think it's approach to identifying and utilizing different "love languages" is so helpful in mitigating communication issues. It is a "christian" book and has some bent towards a deity, so apologies if that conflicts with your own faith, but it still has a lot of good information in it: The 5 Love Languages or There are free questionnaires on the site that will help you identify your primary love language(s) and show you how to speak to that particular love language. There's even a section on the different languages of apology, which might be helpful in this situation as well.
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 5 years
I'd be more upset that he's trivializing his proposal to you. It's as though he isn't taking it seriously, and doesn't mean to actually propose to you, otherwise he wouldn't keep proposing after you've already said yes. It's quite clear that he doesn't care so much that you've said yes, as he just likes hearing it and being reassured that you did in fact say yes (and that you love him). It seems like he has dependency issues, and relies on you to make him feel good about himself. He's also waiting on you to give him directions and a sense of purpose in this relationship. Why would he need you to tell him what to do and then he'll do it? I understand that there are two interpretations for this: one is that he is showing you that he cares for you and is tryihng hard to please you, while the other is that he simply doesn't know what to do and wants you to do it for him. I think he may truly love you, but he is just too dependent on you to make this relationship work. That's not how relationship work. So either let him know that you want to do things 50/50 in this relationship, and you want him to start putting effort into his consideration of you. Let him know that you want him to learn more about you so that he can figure out your likes and dislikes. You shouldn't have to baby him in this relationship. But side-note: Make sure you're doing the same. Don't just sit back and expect him to do everything. Don't think it isn't important for you to take initiative in this relationship. You're upset that he didn't do anything for your first anniversary? Well, I hope for your sake that you at least did something, or else you're no better than him. Don't wait for things to happen to you or for you; MAKE THEM HAPPEN. And most importantly, COMMUNICATE. Communicate efficiently, honestly and often.
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