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Disappointing Engagement

Group Therapy: Disappointing Engagement

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

Please help me sort out my feelings.

I knew my boyfriend (now fiance) had my engagement ring and it was just a matter of waiting for the right time. Well, he popped the question but at the wrong time. We were having a nice enough weekend together, spending Sunday afternoon touring a historic sight. I had a feeling he might ask that day, but really didn't want him too because the place we were at just wasn't very pretty.

Well, after we ate our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at some run down picnic table he got up, knelt down and asked me to marry him.  As soon as I realized what he was doing I thought "not now!" but held my tongue and just went with it. The rest of the day we were very lovey dovey and I tried to just forget the fact it wasn't what I was hoping for but I keep thinking about it. I was really wishing it would be in a beautiful place when we were feeling romantic. Oh and this may be a little bit too much TMI but that morning we had some very boring sex. I'm not much for morning sex so I just kind of play along if he is in the mood. I hate it that my engagement day included that as it's start.


We have told everyone but I honestly feel a little embarrassed telling my engagement story, (not including the sex part of course). How do I let it go?

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MissJules5x MissJules5x 6 years
I completely agree with most of the posters here saying that what you want is someone/something that your now fiance isn't. What were you expecting? A plane to go across the sky and write out the proposal? get real. Also the fact that you seem to care more about what other people would think about how the proposal happened rather than being excited that you have a ring and that someone you love asked you to spend their life with them, then that obviously proves that you want the material things out of the relationship rather than actually having one. I suggest you think about why you're embarrassed/disappointed when no matter how the proposal happened it should have been one of the best days of your life.
burke_chi burke_chi 6 years
well, get used to it cuz this could be the beginning of the rest of your life. but is that so bad?
myhousemd myhousemd 6 years
Why does your engagement story matter? The guy you're marrying matters. If you love him, that's all that matters. Honestly, you're upset because the place wasn't pretty enough. Really? I was proposed to in a Target parking lot after buying the ring for $5 at Target. Most romantic thing ever, cuz I loved him.
Prinklebaby Prinklebaby 6 years
I also knew my fiancé had my engagement ring... Just didn't know when he would pop the question. After many romantic opportunities (he surprised me with a valentines picnic, strolls on the beach, I would come home from work and the house would be set for the two of us with candles everywhere) - but no he still didn't propose... Instead he did it one Friday afternoon when I was walking down the hallway with the washing basket. He wanted to do it when I wasn't expecting it and it was absolutely perfect coz I can gaurantee when I was trying to do the washing a proposal was the last thing on my mind
Lenay Lenay 6 years
From what I've been told, when my grandfather "proposed" he actually just asked my grandmother's stepdad for her hand in marriage and she was informed after the fact. They were married for 68 years and raised five kids. I've never met a kinder more loving man than my granddad.
Rasberry-Sorbet Rasberry-Sorbet 7 years
On the one hand, I get it. You fantasize about a romantic outing, or a Ginormous billboard at your favorite baseball game with, "Will you marry me?" Well. At the end of the day, you are now engaged and the man chose you to be his wife, for the rest of his life. That's something. You have to ask, do u really want to marry him? Before you make a mistake. I thought your story was pretty cute and nothing wrong with it personally. I think it was very romantic. Maybe the simpleness of it speaks to how much he loves doing the little things with you that he thought it was pretentious to do it all up. Its more personal the way he did it. The wedding on the other hand, that's your turn to shine. So plan it and be happy. And have a wonderful marriage. Congratulations!
rachyeitan rachyeitan 7 years
The same thing happened to me. I knew he had bought the ring, I found out because I used his computer and he was using an electronic diary and the reminder popped up and it said "get ring today." I was so upset, especially because after a night out I expected a proposal and got one later on that night in bed after I took my make up off, and he did not get down on one knee. I was so upset because everyone has such a romantic story, but you know almost makes our proposals more interesting!
misskimberly misskimberly 7 years
If you really wanted to marry him, you'd be thrilled no matter how he proposed.
turtleshell turtleshell 7 years
It sounds as if he did put some thought into it. He wanted a nice gesture that would reflect what he imagined the rest of your lives together to be like. The fact of the matter is that proposals are not fairytales and neither are marriages. Your unrealistic ideas of how he should have proposed are a reflection of your unrealistic ideas about your fiance and your life together. His proposal sounds sweet and realistic. If you'd rather it had been a fairytale, perhaps you should stick to dreaming rather than dating, because no one will measure up to your ideals. I think you need to reevaluate what your expectations are of your potential husband.
Pineappleheart Pineappleheart 7 years
Good for you. Good for you for examining your expectations and for trying to make sense of your emotions, as opposed to brushing them both aside. As other posters mentioned, some of the comments on this site are getting increasingly judgmental and hurtful. Personally, I don't think the problem these days is with women getting too wrapped up in matrimony, the problem is with both sexes lowering their expectations of themselves and of each other in a relationship. We know very little about OP and of the context in which this proposal took place-- but even if we knew more, it probably wouldn't matter. The fact is that she is upset. Whether other posters would be upset in a similar fact pattern, is completely irrelevant. I'm sorry you were dissappointed, OP, and I hope he makes it up to you. I wish you both a long and happy marriage. While its not for me to say, based on the fact that you came to this website for help shows that you care about whether you are being reasonable and fair to your fiancee; this is a great portent for your both.
KameliaS KameliaS 7 years
I can't believe that so much energy was invested in such a trivial subject. There are so many different things to discuss
weffie weffie 7 years
Women can be so insane. The proposal is the LEAST important part of a marriage and it's stupid how much stress is put on these poor guys to make it perfect. OP, you should count your blessings and start appreciating how lucky you are! Since you already knew about the ring, it would have been impossible to surprise you anyway. I think it sounds like a perfect day. Then again, I love morning sex and it's never boring. If sex is boring, you need to start participating more enthusiastically... I feel bad for your fiance :(
cantbetoosure cantbetoosure 7 years
I would trade you places anyday. I'll take the not so romantic, old picnic table and you can continue to be in a relationship with my significant other for another lets see 10 years on and off (on now) without a possibility of ever being proposed to. I have been waiting for decades. This was the reason I broke up with him five years ago only to get back hoping he would. The only thing I feel is alot of resentment and being with him makes me not even believe in marriage anymore. So be happy. Mine always says "why do we have to have titles" or "its none of anyone elses business what we refer to as one another. I'ts funny because we had an argument yesterday about if I ran into you and a buddy I never met; who would you introduce me as. His answer was "hmmm that's a good question. At least you know where you stand and there aint no confusion.
danakscully64 danakscully64 7 years
Well said, Anon :)
lblond lblond 7 years
focus on more important things in life. so he didn't ask with fireworks... at least he asked!!
reefgirl reefgirl 7 years
i think you should be happy it was something personal and intimate. You'd be surprised at how many people think they are doing "unique" and "extreme" proposals, but in fact it happens all the time. By boyfriend is a pilot, and the number of flights he gets of people proposing, is almost daily. This likely meant he wanted it to be only about you and him - which is what he want his future to probably be too.
lotuslight lotuslight 7 years
My oh my, no need to be so harsh! This person was brave enough to admit her disappointment, and to try to feel better about it, and you all jump on her! Disappointment happens in every relationship. Not every moment is a fairytale. But it is ok to admit it or to want to feel better about it. Glad that you do, OP, and I think it is great that you shared in this forum.
suze13 suze13 7 years
Thank you to those who did not assume the worst of me and the compassion to begin understanding where I'm coming from. No thanks to those who read so much ugliness into my post. It's amazing what people will assume about a stranger based on a paragraph. Posting on here has made me truly grateful to have real life girlfriends to talk to. People who understand me and know better than to accuse me of being a horrible person. Friends who know him, our relationship and just how right for each other. There is no question. Fortunately it took me all of a day after posting this question to get over the whole disappointment. I'm glad I didn't read these comments until now. Some of you were really rude. To answer some of the other posters questions: Yes- I love the ring. It's beyond beautiful! Yes- We love being together and enjoy doing so many things together. No-I'm not breaking up with him. Never will. Thank you.
danakscully64 danakscully64 7 years
^^ She's obviously upset, why beat her when she's down? She's looking for support or reassurance. She can't help how she feels, she shouldn't be shamed for it. This is a sad trend among women, tearing them down rather than building them up. They should really change these from Group Therapy to Group Character Criticism.
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