When you're going through a divorce [1], it can be hard at times to see all the positives that are coming from breaking off a dead and done marriage. You might find yourself sulking in your own self-pity too much. You might find yourself looking at the glass as not only half-empty, but dead damn empty.
Quit it! It's OK to be sad. It's not OK to persist in misery. Whether you wanted the divorce or you didn't, let's turn the page and view this as a new start. Here are seven small silver linings of going through a divorce that you're apt to feel a lot happier and more positive about your new future if you always remember.
A Fresh Start
Do you remember how good it felt when you started something new? New school year? New relationship? New job? New workout? New whatever? Sure, you felt anxious, too. But there was also positivity. Hope. Excitement.
Going through a divorce means at the end, there's a fresh new start. Cherish that. Cherish it and run with it and I promise you you will feel great joy in your new life.
No More In-Between Nonsense
When you're in the decision time . . . whether you should divorce or not . . . or you're waiting for a spouse to call the shots when you didn't want the divorce in the first place . . . it's hard! So hard.
Now that time is done. The decision has been made. No more limbo, wondering "Will we or won't we?" Now you know: it's over. And with the knowledge means a little peace of mind in knowing what's to come.
Making Choices For You
Now that you're about to be solo and single again, it's time to make choices for you again. Yes, if you've got kids you're going to be thinking wholeheartedly of those littles, but it's finally time to really consider your goals and your life path.
This chance to reflect and build on who you are is a gift. This marriage was not right, whether you are over it or not, and now you have the chance to make things right in your world again. What a blessing!
Distance From Toxicity
If the marriage was awful, abusive, or just toxic, now you're getting the breather and distance from the situation you need.
The clean break is happening, and as much as it can still be sad and strange when divorcing an abusive person [3] or leaving a marriage that is not positive or helpful to you or to both of you, the relief from walking away is a gift.
Do not doubt it. Walking away from a bad situation makes you courageous and strong, not weak. Embrace this moment. Be proud. Hug yourself. You deserve it!
Revisiting Your Dreams
OK, it's over. Now what? What are the things you had dreamed of for yourself, for a partner, and more?
Revisit your dreams. This divorce is the perfect time to do so. What visions did you have for yourself that did not come true? How can they become realities today?
A Clear, Harsh Look at Your Finances
Going through a divorce will put your finances [5] front and center in your life. Did you spend too much and rack up debt? How's that retirement looking? What's your career status [6]? Are you due for a raise? Is it time to move to a new position or stay put? Have you been sticking to a budget?
Divorce will turn your finances upside down a bit, and it can really hurt, especially if you or your partner racked up debt, but it can also be a good starting point.
Now is the time to make a budget, set financial goals, work on reducing credit debt, call creditors and see if you're eligible for reduced interest, open a retirement account if possible, or make a goal to work toward this. Now is the time to make a plan for yourself and stick to it.
Reconnecting With Friends or Building on Friendships
Your true friends — the only ones you really need, anyway — will be there for you through this. You'll find that you will end up making your friendships stronger as you look to them for comfort, and that you'll make new friends . . . as well as reconnect with old ones.
Take this time to build your social network and enjoy the time you get with friends. It truly is a wonderful thing. Don't despair. Even in the worst of divorces, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.