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A Do or a Don't: Staying Friends Out of Habit

A Do or a Don't: Staying Friends Out of Habit

I’m sure most of us have friends that we’ve known forever, but it’s only natural for that friendship to change over the years. Time can make a bond stronger or turn the best of friends into total frienemies. And for some, the passing time just makes two people less compatible. There's no particular issue, but suddenly the reason you became friends in the first place no longer exists — you're friends just because you've always been friends.

Although I truly believe that there’s no such thing as having too many friends — as long as they’re not the kind that require a potential breakup — I’ve never been one to stay friends out of habit either. Do you have any friendships like this? Is staying friends out of habit worth it for the history you share or just a waste of energy?


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chiquita29 chiquita29 9 years
Well said j2e1n9! :)
shelleybaby32 shelleybaby32 9 years
Lawrah- same thing happened with me. I had a friend that i had met around the same time i met my hubby-she hated him and tried so hard to ruin it. I was so much more accepting back then of other people that i always just shrugged it off. Well then we got married and had children and her attitude changed and it seemed like she started to resent me and she was mean and spiteful and constantly on me about everything. She moved to Chicago and about 4 months after i had my son she flew me out there to vistit (i wanted to go but didn't want to leave my little guy-mom's you know what i mean- and she ended up screaming at me over some comment i made to one of her friends- Anyway- she got into a HUGE fight with my husband and i was stuck in the middle and i just didn't want to deal with IT and HER anymore. I felt like she didn't understand that my life had changed and i couldn't be at her beckon call anymore. i am glad we are not friends anymore. I don't need a friend like that.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 9 years
Waste of energy. I feel you chiquita25. Sometimes being honest with people REALLY backfires... My motto is there's too many awesome people out there in the world to waste your time on the shitty ones. I love making new friends, starting new chapters in my life, and surrounding myself with positive people. :cheer:
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
In the past, there were many times that I had to end friendships with people that I really thought cared about me. But I knew that the relationship was no longer healthy for me and I just didn't trust them anymore. The fact that these people didn't make an effort to contact me shows me that they really weren't worth it. But it has seemed to happen to me a lot with girls. Girls can be bitches. But the ones I am still friends with are the ones I know are my real friends.
Percy Percy 9 years
Agree with Brown_Eye_Grrl and GlowingMoon. It's natural to have ups and downs in any relationships as the dynamics between two people change, depending where they are in life. It's sad for sure because sometimes people just drift apart not because someone has done the other wrong but that's just part of the deal. Who knows, maybe give some time down the track the lost relationship would cross paths again so... I don't think time is a fair or only boundary on true friendship. I think when you reach a certain age, you begin to appreicate and learn to consolidate what you have. More over, hopefully, you'll begin to *really* know who you are and be honest with yourself so once in a while, 'housekeeping' becomes necessary as you move forward and re-assess what you hold dear and close. Just because you are no longer friends i.e. maintain contact or have fallen apart, it doesn't mean you don't want the best for that person or you have ill-will towards them. Sometimes, it just is.
chiquita29 chiquita29 9 years
I had a "friend breakup" not too long ago. We'd known eachother since I was 16. We reconnected through myspace, and soon she was calling me every single day. I'm married, we have a son, I work full time and go to school part time. She stayed home on disability. We had nothing in common. It was annoying my husband too. If I didn't return her call within a day or two, she would text me "what's wrong? Are you mad at me?". Finally I just texted her back asking she not call for a while because I couldn't seem to give her the time she wanted from me. That got me several messages cursing me out and ended with me changing my number. Lesson learned. Be carefull who you let back in your life. We never had anything in common anyway. What was I thinking?
emalove emalove 9 years
Yeah, I suppose I do have a few friends like this. Not my best friends or anything on that level, but there are some people in my life that I'm still friendly with only because we've known each other for a long time.
Sporky Sporky 9 years
I find as I get older I have a lot less tolerance for "frenemies" and only stick to my circle of good friends that are always there for me. The others just don't matter. I may be cordial to them if I run into them but that's about it.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
I don't believe I do. I mean I have some friends who I seem to be growing apart from but I'm hoping they'll eventually be able to see where I'm coming from in life better in time...
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
Stay in touch with these people by myspace or once in a while phone calls and emails. You never know when you'll need a friend and this person might be the only one who can understand what you're going through and vice versa.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
For me, I learned it's NOT worth staying friends with someone out of habit. Let's just say I learned that lesson the hard way. In the end, it's not worth it. With every toxic friend I finally broke up with, it was confirmed I made the right decision. In hindsight (which is 20/20, I suppose), I should have done it earlier, and save myself some heartache. But I think I learned my lesson, so it's alright. Because of my experience, I think I'm better at spotting potential toxic friends, so I stay away from them. Recently, I politely dodged a potentially said woman. It seems my intuition was proven correct, and she told an unnecessary, slandering lie about me. I hope she stops reaching out for me, as I no longer welcome her.
sidra5397 sidra5397 9 years
I tend to make friendship that I later regret. I've got a few friends that I've stuck with because I love them but the others... well I just have a hard time investing in friendships where I don't see a future. I dont know... I just have a hard time putting effort into relationships that aren't working.
pinkprincess1101 pinkprincess1101 9 years
im in that situation now too, its hard to cut her off because she says im like her big sister weve know each other 11 years, i just keep our conversations to a minimum
brown_eyed_grrl brown_eyed_grrl 9 years
I recently let go of a friendship of almost 20 years. Thing is, when I thought about it, she was never a very good friend to me. In high school, she wanted to be popular, and she said I'd be popular if I dropped one of my other friends. Then in college, we reconnected. She said she knew none of that superficial stuff mattered, and we started hanging out every now and then, until I caught her in a big, fat lie. And an unnecessary one at that. I wasn't really mad, just disappointed, and I felt pretty stupid for believing she had changed. She's tried to contact me a couple of times, but I've let go of the friendship. I think she only contacted me when she wanted something anyway. It makes me kind of sad, but I'd be stupid to put myself in that position again.
jillerin457 jillerin457 9 years
Haha it's okay, I would've known!
Lawrah Lawrah 9 years
Sorry that comment was directed towards Brandiboop, not you Jillerin457.
Lawrah Lawrah 9 years
Oh that's just a low. My former "friend" tried to manipulate the situation of where the wedding was to be held. Not because she really wanted to help. But she was being selfish and wanted it in my hometown because she wouldn't have to travel. It's so not worth your time dealing with selfish, narcissistic manipulative so called "friends".
jillerin457 jillerin457 9 years
I'm bad enough at maintaining the friendships I actually WANT! The other ones usually fade away with little effort. (See, once again, my theory that introvert/extravert explains everything.)
brandiboop brandiboop 9 years
I totally can relate to Lawrah, I am going through the exact same thing right now with my friends of almost ten years. Until I started spending more time with my fiance, I did not realize how scandalous and manipulating they actually were. Then they started to blame me for 'ditching' them all the time, and tried to break us up. I just don't want to deal with all the drama anymore, so I don't think it is worth it to stay friends for the sake of our friendship.
Lawrah Lawrah 9 years
I stayed in a friendship with someone who I knew for over 20 years. It wasn't until I went to get married I realized what a selfish and deceptive person she was. We were obviously in different places in ours lives. And to be honest I am glad her selfish and manipulative ways ended our friendship. I honestly felt relieved not to have to deal with her on my wedding day.
Kimpossible Kimpossible 9 years
I've learned that for me, staying in a friendship out of habit is a waste of energy.
SashaLotrian SashaLotrian 9 years
I'm guilty of staying friends with a childhood buddy simply because it would be harder to "breakup" with her than tell her, that we no longer have ANYTHING in common. So I just avoid her but text every so often to keep things cordial. I know she's not a good friend, but when I could never tell her that. So I just suck it up and keep out talks to a minimum.
Swedeybebe Swedeybebe 9 years
i don't think its worth it. i recently had a "breakup" with a friend i had known for about 10 years. where i had changed (grew up, actually)- she had not, and i was sure she wouldn't in the near future either. my decision to remove her from my life proved to be a smart one, just based on her reaction and how she dealt with what i had to say. i just don't think it is worth it staying friends with someone you don't even like anymore.
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