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Do Opposites Attract?

Group Therapy: I Imagine My Boyfriend With Other Women

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

From the start of being with my boyfriend of 3 years I always imagine that I'm not his type. We look totally opposite, he's very laid-back hippie status and I like metal aggressive music and dress differently. He loves me and I love him, but as of lately why do I feel like later in life he'll leave me for another woman who's more his type? Every time I see bohemian-type girls or whatever I feel like, "What if he leaves me for her?" or "She looks like his type." Why do I feel this way?

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weffie weffie 5 years
I'm a hippie and my bf's an industrial/metal head, we seem to be doing fine so far... But hey, if it doesn't work out for you and us maybe we can trade :P
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
I am wondering if you are projecting and if it is actually you that is the one wondering "what if" when you see guys that are more like you. Just a thought. I also think opposites attract, but I think more often than not, they are not compatible in the long term. I am not saying that you date your clone, but long term, finding someone similar to yourself seems to work out better. Just my observation.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
If he does leave you it's going to be because of your insecure nature, and not because you two aren't alike enough. I have a lot of female friends who are like this, always looking for a reason why the man they are with shouldn't want to be with them. If you continue to only focus on these negative ideas you are going to destroy your relationship. Get your boyfriend to help you, tell him how you want to find more things to have in common and that you want to feel more connected. Also you need to find a way to make yourself more confident. Think about all the unique things about yourself, and play them up on a regular basis. Being comfortable in your own skin will make you much more comfortable in your relationship. Also, you didn't say anything about this, but I hope your bf isn't saying or doing anything to make you feel this way. Even the most subtle of comments can attack our brains and make us feel self conscious. If it is something he is doing, then that's a whole other issue.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 5 years
I feel like I'm totally trailing your posts, lcrox! As mentioned, OPPOSITES ATTRACT! Can you imagine if you dated someone who was EXACTLY like you? What would you talk about? There would be nothing to discuss, since you'd think the same way! This is one thing I really enjoy about my own boyfriend: we have really big opinions, and more often than not we're on opposite sides of the coin. Sure, we have similar tastes in music and styles, whatever. But at the end of the day, it's how you connect with your boyfriend, and not how you two would look like next to each other. And like Rj's baby girl said, you've been together for 3 years! He would have said something by now, for SURE.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
It's normal. Opposites attract! The older you get, the more you'll get out of your phases. I think both of you have a little of eachother inside of you and it balances you out. Seems pretty cool to me. Don't think about it too much.
I feel it is natural to feel this way some point in your relationship but nothing to freak out on. Everyone goes through a time where they might feel that thier signifcant other might leave them for someone else, like pax4pax mentioned above, try out new things that you both have interest in that way u will both have a common factor. I would not be too worried plus from experience guys like girls that are not all thier type because it keeps them guessing and its a challange for them. Either way dont worry too much and do keep us posted!
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
OP, This is happening because you have a general lack of self-confidence. The trick is for you to find more self-confidence. And the best person to help you with this is your boyfriend. I'm serious. Tell him you have a lack of self-confidence and that you want him to help you with this. Let us know what he says. Lack of self-confidence is one of the biggest causes of breakups and divorce. Couples who are not willing to discuss each other's lack of self-confidence are walking on thin ice.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
You're insecure because that connection of common interests makes you feel "apart" from him. However, you must have some commonalities since you are, in fact, together. Find things that you both don't do now, but that you'd both like to explore. Create more commonalities so that you connect in more areas of your lives. That way, when you see someone who looks like a possible for him, you will know -- that you know a whole more about him than they do and that you are connected to him on many more, and deeper, levels than just the "look."
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 5 years
Don't you think that after 3 years he would have told you if you weren't his type and left already? Has he ever said or done anything that would lead you to believe you are not his type? Just because you guys have different taste in clothes and music doesn't mean you can't be his type. My hubby and I are different races, from different countries, we don't like the same music, don't always like the same food, same tv shows, have the same hobbies but it doesn't mean we cannot share the same values and goals in life. We do have personalities that match. There must be another reason why you have been so insecure since the beginning of the relationship and why you still don't trust him after 3 years.
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