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Do Tell: Is Being Too Busy Just an Excuse to Bail?

Everyone gets busy, and things inevitably pop up. Sometimes it’s nearly impossible to follow through on every commitment you make in a week and just as I’ve had to cancel on my friends many times, they’ve also had to bail on me. But lately I’m getting tired of hearing the “I'm just too busy” excuse. Sure every once and a while I think it’s a perfectly good explanation, but sometimes it seems like it's really just the go-to excuse to be flaky. Am I alone on this? Ladies, do tell, do you think being “too busy” gives people a license to be flaky?


alltherage alltherage 9 years
i think "im busy" should be used rarely. i used to accept all committments and was not only overly busy but exhausted. sometimes u have to say no -- and its not becuase u are bz but u need me time. that said u cant always say it cuz i cant stand flakiness and refused to be flayky
skigurl skigurl 9 years
if your "busy" excuse is going to the gym, then it's not a worthy excuse to ditch friends! it's just a selfish excuse...i'm thinking busy only counts if you have to work or do school stuff!
kiwishe kiwishe 9 years
Being "busy" is an excuse AND should be forgiven! Friends who know me well, know that I'm VERY busy. I work, take recreational classes and also force myself to go to the gym around 4 times a week after work. This is sans having a family (wait til THAT happens - I'll be out of commission.) Newer friends who set up a date to hang out, usually a week in advance, may get the "I forgot I had to do something" that day from me. Most find it a bail out excuse, but I have so many things on my agenda, I really can't fit things like new friends into it. If you can't handle my flakiness, then I cannot be your friend. You'll end up being too sensitive.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
After a day or a week of classes, I get a bit lazy about driving an hour to see someone. So, if someone calls wanting me to drive (Living near campus, I don't really even drive) out to see them, I might claim to be busy or doing homework. I mean, if they made some effort to see me, I might compromise. Sometimes, I feel guilty because this applies to my aunt and my mom.
missbadabing missbadabing 9 years
i think that the "too busy" is okay to say once and awhile,but when you continually are dissapointed with the person,or everytime you want to hang out or do something they use it,then it's bullll : )
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
It is just an excuse. No one is too busy.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
I think it's bull. If you REALLY want to do something, you will MAKE the time to do it.
emalove emalove 9 years
I'm pretty understanding as far as this goes. I have some insane weeks where I just don't have time to do anything fun. And I know the same goes for my friends. I try to connect with my closest friends at least once or twice a month, depending on our schedules.
cvandoorn cvandoorn 9 years
When I know i'll be too busy, I just won't make plans. But sometimes my friends get really annoying and they want to go out and buy bottles (at $300 a pop, with a minimum of 3 bottles per table, you know it will be an expensive night) and they keep whining so I tell them i'll think about it. I think it really depends on the situation. It's not selfish to bail on a night of spending hundreds of dollars just for alcohol and you know you won't enjoy it, and you'll be in a bad mood and your friends won't benefit from your company (except for when it comes to paying the bill). Once every now and then is fine...and i've tried to make other suggestions...but some friends of mine, they have too much cash to burn apparently and going for 1 or 2 drinks just isn't cool enough. But in regards to other things, like movies, concerts, or whatever else that doesn't cost an arm and a leg, its not cool to make plans and then use the "i'm too busy" excuse. Its fine to be busy and not make plans. However, i've had times where I really am too tired, so I just call my friends and let them know that I won't really be very sociable or that I really am feeling tired and if its ok to sit this one out. They're cool with that. As long as everybody is honest.
Lambsauce Lambsauce 9 years
Good to know that there are good friends out there, smp7328. :) I'd love to have a friend like you. Unfortunately I am 19 and in college, and therefore am in an environment whose social structure is pretty much based on going out to wild parties all the time. So it's a bit harder to find people not into that... but I will definitely keep the things you said in mind. :)
K-is-For-Kait K-is-For-Kait 9 years
I never take the "I'm too busy" excuse well unless a person can tell me exactly doing. If they have somewhere to be or something important to do and they're willing to say what instead of going "I'm just too busy right now" with no real explanation, I'm cool with that. People who bail out of plans made long ago are the worst, because saying "I'm too busy" doesn't work. Knowing about the plans long ago means that a) they're bailing or b) they didn't care enough to plan their other responsibilities around their plans with you. Either way, the person breaking the plans looks really awful.
smp7328 smp7328 9 years
Lambsauce, in your situation, if I were friends with you and I knew your situation, I would go out of my way to accommodate you. i would do things that you would feel comfortable with. Maybe do movie nights with friends at your house (if you are cool with having people over), I wouldn't just cut you out as a friend. I have a lot of health issues and I don't go out a lot. But when friends like to get together or I make plans with someone, I really do all I can to keep those plans. Or if i am having a bad day with my health, I may try to re-work plans so that someone can come to my house and we can hang out. I hate to hear that you don't have friends anymore that you go out with (if that was a general "any friends at all" or "any friends at all" that go out statement). I hope I am making sense. I am very accommodating. I am all for making accommodations, but just when some people cancel on plans "just because" all the freakin' time, it would really help to give us a reason,or just let us know so that we don't have to put up with the fallout that results from you not showing up.
AujahAcorn AujahAcorn 9 years
live and let live. People will do what they want. i have done things the right way and i have done things the wrong way. All my friends do the flake thing sometimes. whatevs. move on. anti-social, extrovert, introvert... its all good to me ;)
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
The more you bail on people the more they are going to bail on you. It's a vicious circle. I say come through on your commitments unless it's an emergency or you're sick.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
If I commit to something I really make an effort to show up unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances. I agree w/ skigurl that it's very annoying when people just flake out at the last minute. That said, I feel like I am too busy a lot of the time. I will turn down plans in order to stay in and get some relaxation in. But the key is just turning them down, not accepting and then bailing. I think that some people just don't know how to say "no" so they say "yes" and then just bail out later. Somehow they think that is easier? It beats me why.
My1mia My1mia 9 years
Skigurl, I agree with you 100% especially during the winter season when it's hard for me to get motivated andbrave the cold weather/ snow but for the most part I've learned to not make commitments that I don't care to keep.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
what do you mean, hit a nerve? some people are just self absorbed, and it's annoying. i can't understand how some people can be so selfish! it's a key topic for me, because i have gone through the time where i didn't feel much like going out, but it's no excuse to leave your friends hanging! i'm just saying...
Lambsauce Lambsauce 9 years
I'm like you, jillerin... except I've got a really, really bad problem with social anxiety (not saying that that's an excuse, it's something I am working on fixing) and there have been many, many times when I agreed to go out with friends, but then as the moment approached I became increasingly panicked that a million things would go wrong (I got the time wrong, the place wrong, they were all just in on a huge joke to humiliate me, et cetera) and I'd say I was "too busy" at the last minute. Now I just don't have friends anymore. Which probably generates a lot of pity or judgement, but it's actually a relief (most of the time).
bellaressa bellaressa 9 years
skigurl - does this really hit a nerve?
bellaressa bellaressa 9 years
I actually agree with skigurl. It is especially hard, if you paid for tickets and someone bails out 15 mins before and your left with an extra ticket or your sitting somewhere just waiting. I would rather have a call and advanced noticed. I do not just want to be waiting for someone, people who bail have no respect for the other person (the people you bail on, also have a life and could have been doing something else).
skigurl skigurl 9 years
trust me, during grad school i often wanted to sit around and watch tv in my downtime and not get all dressed up and go out...i can understand that, 100%! but i never agreed to hang out just because i was too afraid to say no, then bail! if i agree to go, then i go, i don't bail out! a nd sometimes, even when you don't feel like it, you have to get up and go, because otherwise you will lose your friends! they will eventually stop asking you to hang out, and rightfully so. introverted is okay, but anti-social is not!
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
I rarely make plans. AND there have been times were I agreed to do something and I just can't go. I have a family that I take care of. 2 young kids and I work full time. And I'm sorry, if it's plans to just hang out somewhere and have drinks with a bunch of friends and I end up not feeling up to it I will not go. If my friends got mad at me about it, they would no longer be by friends. I don't see any of them knocking on my door in the morning after a night out asking to help take care of my kids or help with the household. I don't think that's being selfish at all. The only time I would not cancel is if it was something that we had to actually put our heads together to plan.
boxem180 boxem180 9 years
i think sh*t just happens. if someone cancels on you once in a while, fine whatever. make up for it later. if someone keep canceling on you, it's indicative of a bigger problem. like perhaps they don't want to hang out with but you keep asking and they don't know how to tell you to back off. stop inviting them out and see what happens.
jillerin457 jillerin457 9 years
I am with LadyMaverick on this one. What I think it comes down to is Introverts vs. Extraverts. Introverts NEED alone time or we feel depressed and exhausted, whereas Extraverts feel that way if they DON'T have enough human interaction. So for those of us who have busy work/school schedules, sometimes the extra social commitments are the most draining. I know this about myself, though, so I try to be reliable, and just don't say I will show up for something when I know I won't. Some of my friends have stopped inviting me to as many things, which is understandable, and I don't hold it against them. When we do see each other, it's always a good time, but my emotional tank is pretty easy to fill, so once or twice a month is plenty of group-fun time for me!
bengalspice bengalspice 9 years
I just had a friend complain to me that no one makes time to hang out with her anymore ... so I offered to go to a concert on the nearby college campus, and she turned around and said she can't because she has "too much work to do". Lame.
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