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Do Tell: Do You and Your Mom Share the Same Feelings About Your Bodies?

Whether they’re a daily part of life or practically out of the picture, parents influence their children. And as we become adults, the markings of our influences become more clear. Recently a friend lamented to me about this very issue, cursing her mom for making her perpetually unhappy with her body. As a child, she often heard her mom express distaste at her own weight. It wasn’t long before my friend was suffering from the same worries. She's the spitting image of her mother, so in her mind, if her mom thought of herself as overweight, then my friend had to be overweight too.

It’s a difficult issue, but I don’t think my friend’s alone, especially when moms these days are making their pre-teens get waxed. So do tell: Good or bad, do you share your mom’s body issues?


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CreateMagic CreateMagic 8 years
My mom has always subtly made comments about her own body, but NEVER commented on mine or my siblings. I was lucky to be able to look around my family with an open mind and realize that, no, I would never be a twig, our bodies are not built that way. All the women on my mom's side are 5'2" or under, brunette, and very muscular. By realizing this at an early age (12/13....when I started puberty and started to lament my weight gain), I think I managed to develop a fairly reasonable body image. I just wish my sister had too... :(
BryPouncy BryPouncy 9 years
My mom was always on diets and she was so thin. I was put on steroids for my asthma as a child and became quite heavy even though I was always active in sports. My moms obsession with weight loss reflected onto me when she gained weight. I realized that even if someone diets all the time - they can still get fat. So if I was dieting all the time and exercising...why was I still fat? I have this unhealthy obsession with losing weight. I'm at my smallest right now (5'4 and 130lbs) but I still find reasons to lose weight. Her insecurities rubbed off on me.
Talldiva45 Talldiva45 9 years
I def. was chubby when I was younger and my mother was not very great with expressing that I should lose weight. I remember as a child overhearinh her scream at dad that "I was as big as a house and needed to lose weight". When you are eight years old this is very very difficult to hear from your own mother. I was devestated. Needless to say I did lose weight but still have weight issues to this day bc of things she would say to me when I was young - I am bulimic and she doesn't even know. I hope one day be strong enough to get help.
sunshine001 sunshine001 9 years
No,not at all, i'm into yoga & working out, & being obbsesive, she is overweight, & doesn't really care about keeping her self shape, but she seems content with the way she is!!!
justanerd1975 justanerd1975 9 years
I felt so sad reading everyone's comments :( Brista, I love that idea! We all should do that!!
bbkf bbkf 9 years
I've never heard my mom talk about her body at all, or my body for that matter. We're both content.
ally14 ally14 9 years
My mom is confident and so I am but growing up she'd always be very honest to me about how I looked and that including sometimes telling me the not-so-nice things. I never appreciated it and wished she would stop but now as an adult I know and appreciate them because she said them nicely and truthfully (not in an insulting way) and made sure I always looked appropriate and took care of myself.
anna_muffin anna_muffin 9 years
We have the same issues, like not being able to get our butts in our trousers if we stop being careful and then feeling bad about ourselves, but my mom diets and I exercise. The hair thing is quite funny. I was blond too, now really dark blond. My mom doesn't really care about the color, but she was always really proud of my long and thick hair. Maybe because I got them from my dad. (I would be really happy though, if I woke up one day and got back my natural blond hair ;-) )
SomethingWicked SomethingWicked 9 years
My mom (till this day) makes me uncomfortable with my body....she even told me once that she is disturbed by large people and always freared that she would be burdened with large children. She only praises me when I am a size 3...but when I am a size 8(like now)....she picks at me. I am on weight Watchers now (not b/c of and my hubby to be just want to learn how to eat right) and she does not think its working until I am back down to size 3 even though I have lost 8 pounds and gone form a 10 to an 8 in a month. She is just never happy about her body and that makes me not want to talk about food, weight, or go shopping with her b/c I just end up feeling like crap. I know she is just concerned with me b/c Diabetes runs in my family and she just wants me to not get all the nagging is coming from a good place...just not in a good way. It sucks...and I just know when I have let them know what ever body type they are is beautiful (unless there is a health risk involved). Girls have enough issues in the world as it is.
sundaygreen sundaygreen 9 years
My mom never projected any body issues onto me when I was a kid or a teen. In fact, she didn't want me to start shaving my legs because she said I'd regret it later and she was right (waxing is the way to go, he he). When I lost a lot of weight in high school she expressed concern because she knew I was going about it the wrong way. Now that I'm an adult I can commiserate with her when it comes to wanting to lose weight etc, but she hasn't influenced my body issues at all (they're all my own).
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
My mom was always a pretty tiny person (95 lbs when she got married!!!) and sometimes I would hear her whine about her body, but when she noticed she was gaining she just started eating better and running! So, I got the same. When I noticed that my jeans seem a little tighter then normal...I jsut start excerising like crazy and eating good foods!
Seka21 Seka21 9 years
My mum is skinny but thinks she has a fat tummy. Im skinny and always am paranoid im fat. My mother calles me too thin... i call her too thin. We get angry about that..but honestly we are both too thin. I guess we are pretty simillar.
DecemberBaby DecemberBaby 9 years
My mom and I have very different views of our bodies. We aren't skinny women but her view of her body is way more positive. I won't all the way into it but my mom tries to help and encourage me the best she can having people talk to me and putting me in self esteem classes but it's not getting much better. She on the hand is more comfortable in her own skin and doesn't let anyone bother her about size they think she should be.
kia kia 9 years
My mom and I don't at all. She says self-deprecating things about her body that make me want to cry. Instead I almost lecture her like I do my nieces when they need a slap of self-esteem in their faces.
brista brista 9 years
If I ever have children, I will never, ever speak negatively about my body or about any others. Food will be for fuel, exercise will be for energy. If I am ever 'dieting' around kids, I will never say anything about it. Girls get the message early on that they are not 'good' enough, so there's no reason for a mother to add extra insecurity to that. Even if the mother is speaking negatively about her own body, it's very easy for a child to grab onto those words -- 'fat', 'ugly'. So those would be no-no words. And the scale would be tucked away.
laneylaney laneylaney 9 years
unfortunately, i believe i've inherited body issues from my mother. she is a stick and constantly made remarks about her weight while i was growing up. she has gotten skinnier with age and still does it occasionally. ugh, annoying.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
Thankfully, no. My Mom and I do NOT share the same body image issues. I value my body, and take good care of it. Unfortunately, my Mom does not feel the same about her body -- and it shows. Oh well.
courtneyh courtneyh 9 years
my mom did the same thing about my blonde hair. I started getting highlights when I was 10 years old!!!! (looking back, i started my period when I was 10 and shot up to 5'7" so obviously puberty must have been turning it a dirty blond) I still have dirty blond hair, sometimes I get lowlights, sometimes I get highlights. But my mom was weird with that. As far as body image, my mom always called herself fat. So of course I worried I might be fat from a young age
paramita paramita 9 years
My mom has always put an effort to keep her weight by staying active and eating right. I have the same habit as well. I hope I will look as good as her when I'm 50 ;-).
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
it seems like most of my childhood revolved around my mother's weight. and not because she wasnt confident or she was unhappy, it was because my father was OBSESSIVE about her weight. and while she was still in her 30s she lost alot of the weight she gained thru the years after having my sister and i, and got down to 130 lbs and he still wasnt happy. he wouldnt want her eating with us. he wanted her to live on salads. he used to call her names. she started eating in secret and started getting really annoyed with his verbal abuse. she kept gaining and losing and gaining. basically she was always either on a diet or starting a diet, then bingeing. and now at 53 she weighs 220 lbs and is always unhappy about it. now im good with my body, i work out and try to eat well, but i have a paralyzing fear of becoming fat when and if i get pregnant and then falling into the same cycle as my mom. of course my husband isnt a psychopath like my father, but still, its scary.
bigestivediscuit bigestivediscuit 9 years
Not so much my mom, but I when I was in ballet, my teacher used to say all sorts of horrible things to me, like calling me Thunder Thighs and telling me my stomach looked like I had eaten a whole chicken before coming to class. Those comments caused a lot of girls to develop eating disorders but it never bothered me. My mom also comments when I put on weight but these days she's pleased when I do because I've lost quite a bit over the years, so she likes it when my face has filled out a bit, meaning that I'm eating well. But at a certain point she did join in in the thunder thighs comments and even nicknamed me Shamu after the whale ... I still have that nickname today and it doesn't bother me!
justanerd1975 justanerd1975 9 years
I can speak to this, as a child my mother was Obsessive about my really light blonde hair staying that way, to the point where she started a ritual of forcing me to sit on the toilet while she wet my hair with Sun-In and blow-dried it on high heat(OUCH!) to get it that way, because when I turned 12/13ish it started getting browney-blond,she would even tell meover and over that brunettes were nothing special and that I needed to be special(by being a blonde,I take it,lol) but I knew even as a kid that she dyed her own brunette hair blonde, and that she was doing this for strange reasons of her own, and I'll bet that had a lot to do with being around my friends families and other people a lot, my point being that everyone has their own wierd body issues and they are all their own, it's sad when parents pass those onto kids but, that this post is a great reminder that all adults can help kids have a healthy body image... :)
brutalcupcake brutalcupcake 9 years
Not really. My mom seems to be confident about herself, and I can't stand my own body.
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