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Do Tell: Have You Ever Contacted an Ex's New Flame?

Do Tell: Have You Ever Contacted an Ex's New Flame?

When we find out that our ex is dating someone new, it’s common to be curious about all the differences and similarities between their relationship and your old one. Even if you’ve completely moved on, an ex’s new flame is always a source of, at the very least, a moment’s thought.

However if the relationship with your ex was particularly terrible, learning that he’s seeing someone new can cause worry. It’s easy to wonder, does he treat her better than you? Or worse yet, will he do to her what he did to me? While many claim competition is the nature of female relationships, I think most women want to protect other women from hurt and harm. So do tell, have you or would you contact an ex’s new girlfriend to warn her?


Join The Conversation
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I wouldn't do it, it's just crazy and stalker-ish. Maybe if the girl was already a friend or something or if I actually new her and wanted her to be aware of something important but not for the hell of it.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
My last ex left me for another girl. He was basically dating her while he was still with me, although I don't think they actually had sex so it was ok in his mind. Apparently she knew who I was from pictures of his and would come into my work and shop (I worked at a clothing store). CREEPY! Well, anyways he was verbally abusive and she found that out about 9 months later. I didn't feel the need to warn her because she thought it was cool to steal my bf. In the end, it was good for me to be rid of him and she ended up dumping his ass hard. Karma's a bitch.
dimples128 dimples128 9 years
skigurl, I wanna know that guy's name cuz he sounds EXACTLY like my ex! :P He was a horrible guy and did all kinds of stupid stuff behind my back. After we had been broken up for a year and a half, he still was trying to get back with me and how we were meant for each other and told me a bunch of crap about how he broke up with his girlfriend because he couldn't be without me (I'm sure a bunch of you girls can relate). In reality, he was still with her 10 months going. It was really hard for me to decide against telling her because if the tables had been reversed and it was me in her shoes, I'd want to know. A lot of factors went into it, but the biggest reason not to: I can't save everyone. I can't just follow him and tell all these girls what a dirtbag he is... Sadly, some of them will have to learn how I did.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
Party something similar happened to me too yet she found me on My Space.
Thiv04 Thiv04 9 years
An ex-girlfriend of a guy I dated contacted me constantly and kept trying to keep tabs on us by checking our Myspace pages, etc. Total nut job. I guess that is why she is still single!
terbear terbear 9 years
No way, Jose ! Unless my ex was abusive or a psychopath and I was trying to warn the new girl, I don't think I ever would. I think that just screams that you are not over him and would end up making you look desperate and jealous. None of my exes were abusive of psychotic so I don't have a reason to contact any of them. I do understand the curiosity that people would have about the new girl... but at the same time I know it's really none of my business. And as painful as some of my breakups have been and as much as I resented them at the time, I try and think of each as learning experiences (corny, I know) and grateful for each one. I actually don't talk to any of my exes (I firmly believe that exes cannot remain friends... I know there are some exceptions but I still think you can't really be) but if I hear that they are happy then I am happy for them. And I'd like to think that if they hear that I'm happy, then they are happy for me too.
lightheaded lightheaded 9 years
Absolutely not! That would be completely out of bounds! Let her find out for herself!
jaxon jaxon 9 years
Nope! Not my style!
snowysakurasky snowysakurasky 9 years
never have, would only consider it if i couldn't get over the guy, but even then i think its way too shameful!
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
I will say, though, that in juliet8's situation at least trying to get that information to the new girlfriend seems like the right thing to do. Maybe she won't believe you, but he sounds like a serious risk to her health!
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
No, I haven't. I've been friends with some of my ex's new girlfriends because I'm friends with him, but I didn't hunt them down. I'm not even sure I would contact someone to warn them about some particularly horrible thing my ex did to me. If it was all that bad, I would hope I would have pursued criminal charges. Otherwise, what are the chances someone would actually believe you and not just blow you off as the crazy ex anyway!? :P
emalove emalove 9 years
No, nor have I had the desire too. So not my style.
leeluvfashion leeluvfashion 9 years
If he was abusive then I would try to talk to her & give her a warning. However if the relationship wasn't abusive than I would never contact his new girlfriend, that would be creepy and obessive.
cvandoorn cvandoorn 9 years
I would never do this. But...I have contacted my ex's ex when I was still dating him. He just told me a bunch of horrible things about her, and when I managed to contact her on facebook, it turns out she was a completely sweet girl! Plus she confirmed all the issues I had with him (i.e. he was lazy, had a huge ego, would hack into email accounts, etc.) Also, I once had a girl contact me on my msn messenger through one of my ex boyfriend's accounts. She hacked into it, pretended she was him and was asking all these random questions...then I tried calling him and nobody picked up, so I was wondering what was going on. So I told him to call me, he asked for my number again since he claimed he lost his phone and I get this chick calling me saying she is still his girlfriend and then went off saying a bunch of stuff about him (which, sadly, was true).
DearSugarLover DearSugarLover 9 years
you know this is tough. i mean my first boyfriend (like 10 yrs ago) was a possesive jealous a**hole and i heard he is engaged to a girl now and i wonder if he's like that with her..but i think the other commenters are right, it's hard to warn his new flame without seeming like the crazy ex girlfriend. you know thats why they invented the "do not date" game for radio shows lol
citizenkane citizenkane 9 years
OK...I did. I am curious, not obsessed. We broke up 5 years ago and he is married now and I am in a very serious relationship. They have been married I think 3 years and they listed their house with my real estate office, so I was in contact with them for work purposes. Soon after, I added her on myspace. We have never met in person. We've never spoken directly. I do not want him back at all. I hope their marriage is successful; he's a good guy. Honestly, I was just curious. I wanted to see their wedding pics, too. Once I looked, I was over it. I think I've gone to her page once since the first look.....
luvofashion luvofashion 9 years
wow that whole "is he treating her better than you thing" i can sooo relate, that thought always comes to mind when i think about "the new girl" that my ex is dating but i try not to think about the new girl or what goes on in their relationship, i just try to move on, so NO i have NEVER contacted the new girl an ex is dating
juliet8 juliet8 9 years
objectively, i think contacting an ex's new girlfriend is a no no, and could come across as desperate and sad. HOWEVER, i actually promised myself i would do just that if i heard my last ex was dating someone. he has a serious addiction to prostitutes that i only found out about after some serious digging. he comes from a good family, and is not someone that one would expect this kind of behavior from. anyway, inspite of that my instincts were screaming that something was very wrong with him. i found countless online records of encounters and contact with craigs list hookers. for the physical health and safety of his next girlfriend, i would feel compelled to speak up. i think that i would contact him first actually, with an "either you tell her or i do" ultimatum. then after that warning, i would in fact contact her myself. i don't want some innocent woman going through what i did. especially if i can prevent it.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
I haven't done it. And I don't think I would. He's an ex for a reason, and I NEVER have feelings for my exes after we are through...
Melo-D Melo-D 9 years
I wouldn't contact her because of the whole "crazy ex-girlfriend" stigma. Somehow, they always seem to want to know me b/c he tells them about me. I could give two craps but I'm a lady and if I feel that he really cares about her, then I'll do my part and be nice. I keep friendships with my ex so when it comes to the new girlfriend, I keep my distance until I feel comfortable. I do not need the girl to think I'm trying to take him back or whatever. Whomp. So I just sit back.
Lele777 Lele777 9 years
No...No...No. When I'm done with you I'm done. Ex's are ex's for a reason!!!!!
skigurl skigurl 9 years
funny this should come up right after the revenge a way of getting back at my cheating ex, and also as a way to save his new girlfriend the trouble and heartache, i considered writing her on facebook, and just saying simply, "he's cheating on you" he has a problem, he's a chronic liar and cheater...not to mention she isnt that pretty which (and i know him) would only fuel the, he keeps contacting me so i know he'd cheat on her with me in a second if i let that happen but i didn't's easier to move on if you just cut ties...i dont want to get roped back in for no reason
partysugar partysugar 9 years
I've never done this, but I have had an ex boyfriend's NEW girlfriend contact me. Honestly creeped me out. She found my email address and started contacting me on messenger. She pretended to be a friend of a friend - - basically someone else - and started asking me about my past relationships, what it was like to be with him etc. I only realized it was her when my ex boyfriend called me and asked me what I was doing talking to his new girlfriend! In the end, I told him to watch out because she seemed like a scheming lair.
HayleyStark HayleyStark 9 years
No but it was done to me. My bf's crazy ex contacted me on facebook, then tried to play it off like she didn't know who I was. Then he asked her why and she had a different version for him. Had she been honest and said she was just curious about his new gf, I might have been nice - but she was still hung up on him and obviously trying to start trouble. They dated 10 years ago. She was condescending and fake, and he erased all of her contact information.
Greentea1203 Greentea1203 9 years
Nope, I don't care. I know my ex is dating some new girl now and to this day he continues to text me trying to hook up with me, though I totally ignore him. He was abusive, a drunk and a huge cheater, but hey, that's her problem now, not mine. I'm with a great guy now :P
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