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Do Tell: How Do Divorce Statistics Make You Feel About Marriage?

Sometimes it feels like every time I turn around there’s a new statistic or study that’s related to the increasing divorce rate. While that kind of research certainly has its place, frankly, it can get pretty depressing. Fortunately, I know a lot of amazing married couples to remind me that these percentages are just numbers. But even so, it can still feel like divorce is practically inevitable. So ladies, do tell: Does talk about doomed marriages make you hesitate when it comes to taking the next step?


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Sporky Sporky 9 years
I got married very young, we were married for 10 years, and I left him for a number of reasons, a big one being I decided that having kids was not for me, and he really wanted them. (He remarried very quickly and now has a baby, btw). I am now with a great guy that doesn't want kids either. He's never been married and wants to get married someday soon, but I'm not so sure. Even though my divorce was pretty amicable, it was really traumatic. So we're kind of in the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" category at the moment, which is fine by me. I really couldn't take going through another divorce, and it's not just the statistics that bother me but my own experience. Then again I was much younger than my husband, so that may have a lot to do with it, and things between my bf and I are SO much better than my relationship with the husband ever was, so maybe it would work out after all. Dunno....still pondering... :pondering:
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
Doesn't really affect my thinking...
brown_eyed_grrl brown_eyed_grrl 9 years
@Fallen85--You can't look at other failed marriages and compare them to your relationship. Your mom is probably a great person, but so are a lot of women who choose the wrong man to marry. It doesn't mean your life is going to be the same way. If everything is "right" with your boyfriend, you'll know. If there are things that aren't quite right and your subconsious is telling you that, then no, don't do it, or wait it out longer. Do not get engaged because you think you should or you don't want to hurt his feelings, and definitely do not think that marriage will change or fix anything in your relationship. On your wedding day you shouldn't have any reservations if it's the right choice.
brown_eyed_grrl brown_eyed_grrl 9 years
I think a lot of people enter in marriage too lightly. For me, it was a decision I made with my heart and my head, and I'm not worried about divorce in the least. It's not even on our radar.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 9 years
I am pretty undecided if I actually want to get married. I would like to, but not sure if I should with the man I have been with for over 6 years. I know I love him. But I don't feel like I need a paper stating it. Maybe society looks at you differently but it feels like I am already married. I live with him, we share our bills, we do everything together. Hopefully in the future when I am like 30 I change my mind and decide to get it on paper. Even if I do decide to do it, I wont change my last name.
Random2 Random2 9 years
I'm still looking forward to getting married one day. My parents have been together for 30 years (there was a rough spot about 5 years ago, but they worked through that), and most of my close family members are still in successful marriages (one of my cousins left her husband because he turned out to be abusive, both physically and emotionally, which didn't come out until after the wedding). I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, and we've both decided to wait until we're done school and are in a stable situation before thinking about getting engaged, and neither of us is in a huge rush to get married just yet.
Fallen85 Fallen85 9 years
It scares me to death. My parents got divorced when I was 5, my mom has been married 4 times! She is a very very good woman and had very good reasons for divorcing her husbands but it scares the hell out of me. Yesterday my boyfriend told me he would like to marry me in about a year. He said he is already planning our engagement and looking at rings... while I love him with all of my heart and he is easily the greatest man I have ever known, I am still terrified. I know I want to be with him forever but what scares me is that all of these people who are divorced were once as happy and in love as Nick and I are so I cant help but think "What happened to them and can it happen to us?" I'm scared. Someone make me feel better!!
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
I don't care one bit about the statistics on divorce rates. I'm not married legally, but I'm in a 11 year committed relationship/marriage whatever................ I think it's funny to hear some of these comments (and I don't want to sound evil) but some of you are saying "Oh I met my soul mate and the man of my dreams"........Don't you think that just about EVERYONE who got married and divorced at some point just knew that person was their soul mate? I've been with my BF for so long because we have become very aware that things aren't always going to be "peachy" and just like "they" say.... The honey moon doesn't last forever AND most of all, I think you need to be willing and able to accept your partners life/personal changes and know there might be a time for readjusting and getting to know one another all over again, in a sense. Realistically speaking no one in the relationship has to do anything wrong for you to just grow apart .......No matter how much you may have been in love 15-20 years ago. You never know what the future holds....
Megatron Megatron 9 years
My parents got a divorce when I was 10 and that is a huge factor in my decision not to get married until I am older, if at all. I don't want to put my possible children through the hell I endured.
jaxon jaxon 9 years
Divorce statistics dont change my view of marriage AT ALL! I think those people are just lazy! I know PLENTY of successful wonderful healthy marriage that have been going stong for 20+ years. In our society everything is quick, fast, I WANT IT NOW! People rush into marriages and divorces the same way. Instead of really trying to work on a relationship it's easier and more fun to meet someone new. Not all marriages will work but once that commitment is made a person owes it to themselves to TRY TRY TRY to make it work. I dont think people do that anymore...
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
My parents divorced, but their marriage was arranged, so there was sort of hostility to begin with...And if I were dating a traditional man from a sheltered Asian country, I might not fear the divorce statistics soo much. However, dating a man in America, who are constantly being told that if what they have isn't perfect, they can always trade-up, I am hesitant about marriage. My boyfriend occasionally brings up wanting to marry me, but he respects the sanctity of marriage like me, and we both know that even if it takes a while to get to the alter, once it's done, that's it. Plus, most issues that lead to divorce seem to be sex (lack of or infidelity), income and career-obsession. I'm definitely going to make sure I don't get surprised by my man's intentions, goals and interests after tying the knot.
MarinerMandy MarinerMandy 9 years
I'm with snowbunny on this one. Not too long ago if a woman wanted to leave her husband she would have lost everything and would have no way to support herself. Now, if we are stuck in a bad marriage we have jobs and the means to leave. I don't think divorce is such a horrible thing either. I think the average of first marriage for women is 25 and people can change significantly over the course of their lifetimes. If you are truely unhappy, then I don't see it as being a bad thing. I do think many couples give up too easily, but it's easy to pass judgement when you are not in that relationship. Of course everything is much more complicated when children are involved... I think the trick is to find a person that you not only love, but want to build a life with. And lots of hard work, but I've never found that to be anything less than rewarding.
MissChita MissChita 9 years
*lightly, not lately (see line 3)
MissChita MissChita 9 years
Seeing high divorce stats doesnt make me question getting married myself; but it does make me see that its nothing to take lately. Sure, some people get divorce because there are major issues (infidelity, abuse, those type of things). But a lot of people are getting divorced after two or three years or just all of the sudden after a certain amount of time because they are just not 'feeling it' or they realized when they married their spouses, they didnt know what was to come ahead or they rushed into it or got married simply for the WRONG reason(s). So, if and/or when I get married, I will make sure my future husband is someone I can stand to spend the rest of my life with and make sure I had a GREAT understanding of what is means to be married to someone. Because personally, divorce is not an option (under 'normal' circumstances).
kia kia 9 years
Divorce statistics fueled my need to want to do as much marriage preparation as we could.
Sugarblonde Sugarblonde 9 years
Yes the statistics are pretty daunting & depressing to think about failed marriages & the poor people involved. However, I think the BIGGER thing that is impacting my fear of divorce is the fact that I came from a divorced family. Even now, ar 23, we have to go to 2 holiday's, have two sets of stepfamilies, & is still difficult on the kids. So to sum it up I don't want to get divorced EVER! (Haha I know who does..)
Lyv Lyv 9 years
Well I for one am not having kids, ever, so I'll marry the man I want WHEN and IF I feel like it and if things don't work out, what the hell. Don't get me wrong, I DO wanna find my one soulmate to be with the rest of my life, but I'll be damned if I'll stay in a less than perfect marriage just so I won't make it to the "statistics".
javsmav javsmav 9 years
It scares the hell out of me--in fact fear of divorce could keep me from getting married. Oddly enough, I really don't know that many divorced people. Most of the marriages I've been around (my family & my friend's parents) are incredibly strong. My parents have been married for 38 years, both of my grandparents made 50+ before someone passed away, and my boyfriend's parents have been together 30-something years. Maybe because I haven't been around divorce it scares me more--like I imagine my life will be over. I couldn't face my family after that, I'd be so humiliated. But lots of people get divorced & still live happy lives, so I know I'm overreacting. Still, it worries me.
emalove emalove 9 years
It's scary to think that so many couples get divorced, but it didn't stop me from getting married. And I certainly don't believe that divorce is inevitable. My parents have been happily married for 36 years.
bsglrok132 bsglrok132 9 years
I don't think about statistics, because I found a great guy. He is loyal to his friends and family and doesn't give up easily on anything. I know I'm in one of those few marriages that will last.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
These statistics just make me want to work harder to not become one of them. I am so happy in my marriage and even though it's only been 2 years we really communicate and make sure we talk about everything before it becomes a huge issue. Honesty and Communication are the most important things in a marriage.
bingkaycoy bingkaycoy 9 years
There's nothing to be wary or worried or scared about marriage as long as you know and you are secure that your marriage will go through and survive even the most difficult ordeals because you have a purpose and because if your relationship is centered on God. I am a born-again Christian and I believe that "what God has put together, no man can put asunder" My husband is the man I prayed for and we both believe that each of us are God's gifts to each other. And because this is a union of 2 different persons uniquely created by God, there is no assurance that marriage will be perfect, but we have the full assurance that whatever comes to us, we always do remember that our love for each other and our love towards God can overcome anything.
Lambsauce Lambsauce 9 years
Seeing the high divorce rates does make me somewhat hesitant... that combined with some sort of statistic saying that something like 50% of husbands cheat on their wives, and all sorts of other studies in that vein... but that could just be the real world popping my naïveté bubble; I had a VERY sheltered childhood. You'd think I wouldn't be so afraid... after all, my parents are celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary this year, and both sets of grandparents are still alive and have been married for 50+ years, and don't the statistics say that you're less likely to get divorced if your parents are still together? Nevertheless, high divorce rates are one of my greatest fears with regards to marriage. When I get married, I want it to last forever.
fleurfairy fleurfairy 9 years
I've becoming increasingly cynical about marriage over the last couple years. So many people I know are in bad marriages. It seems like everyone cheats or just gives up. I don't know if I actually want to get married now. Or if I just want to have a relationship like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Vows don't really mean much these days. Of course, my parents have been married happily for 30+ years so maybe I'm wrong...
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
Oh and haha, I love how this is posted on dear and not cross-posted on Ido...because Ido is about WEDDINGS, not MARRIAGE! :)
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