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Do Tell: How Do You Dodge Those Invasive Questions?

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage . . . or does it? While there's a natural progression in all relationships, it seems that people can't help but to meddle in your personal life. The questions start when you first meet that special someone: When are you moving in? And then once you move in together, it's when are you getting engaged? And once you're married, you then get asked about having kids. Of course those are questions that already have a place in the back of your mind, but warding them off when you're either not ready or too fed up with answering them can be hard to avoid. So for all you married women out there, do tell, how do you dodge those invasive questions about starting a family?

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gaelgirl gaelgirl 9 years
oh i hate that. recently, my poor grandmother passed away. i was at the funeral home greeting people sa they came in w/ my brother. so, there i was AT A FUNERAL & these older women started asking "do you have a fella?" when i said no, that gave me a pat pat "it'll happen." my brother kinda laughed & was said, "you should just start telling them you're gay." lol it's like, someone DIED & the worst thing in the room is that i'm single. ehh?
typhoid-ashley typhoid-ashley 9 years
When they asked when we would be married, I asked them if they were offering to help pay for it. With kids, we haven't gotten much yet. If the person isn't rude, I just let them know it'll be a while. If it's a repeat offender I say, "When I can call you at three a.m. so I can sleep. You're going to babysit every weekend right?"
CaffeePants CaffeePants 9 years
His friends called and left voice mails while we were still on our honeymoon. "Is she pregnant yet?" I told a woman I work with that I wasn't feeling well-coughing, sneezing, etc.- and she asked if there was one on the way-seriously!?!? We got engaged young so there were the rumors almost immediately after we got engaged (spread by his rude Aunt). We had a long engagement (2years) and no baby so I guess she was wrong! I also do what someone else said and try to have one drink while we're around his family.
bransugar79 bransugar79 9 years
Ever since we got married in April people have been asking me. First it was how's married life then it started with the kid questions. now if we don't answer the phone my husband's mom will make comments like "oh you were probably off making tricycle motors" or I know what you were doing, which is just weird and inappropriate in my opinion, and then out of the blue my mother who in the past has literally said she would be happy if she never had any grandchildren asked my husband about it while he was helping her fix her computer. The truth is I really want to have children but right now is not the perfect time. Not to mention I have been having some personal issues that I really don't want to discuss with everyone. I know they mean well but I'm starting to feel pressure that I don't need and it reminds me that I may never be able to be a mother and that's really hard for me to deal with
psychobabble psychobabble 9 years
Oy the second my husband and I got engaged both our mothers started talking about grandchildren. Never mind that we're both in graduate school for the next 3 years. I just keep saying that we're not grown ups yet so talk to us when we're out of school. It is frustrating though to keep hearing allll about what they want to do with grandchildren
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I get the baby question alot. My husband and I have been married for several years, and decidely child-free by choice. I tell them the simple truth, "Raising children is not something we want to accomplish." I never elaborate more than that because, frankly, it's none of their business. Boundaries. I'm all about boundaries. :)
sabrinaBee sabrinaBee 9 years
oh well for a question like these, i usually blatantly tell them 'do you mind not asking that question? cos it's sooo not your business' . well that's me...i like to be blunt and rude back to rude people...
foxie foxie 9 years
I guess I differ from everyone in that I don't think these questions are rude. Someone is taking an interest in your lives, and you get offended and make snarky comments? That's really lame. When people ask me when my husband and I are going to have kids, I answer honestly and say that I'd rather spend my time helping animals and enjoying my marriage than ever have kids. What IS rude is when people immediately think that you're some kind of freak if you don't want kids.
vinigrette vinigrette 9 years
I like the response my friend gives when people ask him or his wife when they'll be having kids - he says, "we're still practicing." :)
karyn09 karyn09 9 years
After being bf/gf for almost 9 years, I get the "when are you two getting married?" question ALL THE TIME! Probably at least 2x a week from random people. My bf & I are fine where we're at - we live together, have been through it ALL together - we're in NO RUSH to get married! Sure i'd LOVE to be engaged & get married, but i'm still 25! I think I can wait 2 more years [max!]. Haha.
Deidre Deidre 9 years
Love the "when we're grown up" comment! Like a couple posters here, I've also gotten the question after only a couple months of being engaged (wedding in April). My pat response is "Call me old fashioned, but I'd like to wait until I'm married to work on that one!" Works very well with future fmaily members...
cokerad cokerad 9 years
Just ask an equivalently rude and invasive question back. "When are you going to lose those last 20 pounds?" "When are you going to get those crows feet around your eyes touched up?" "Isn't your husband done serving his probation time yet?" Nosy bitches can only be put in their place with a taste of their own medicine.
brown_eyed_grrl brown_eyed_grrl 9 years
I'm going to have to write these responses down! Love them all!
winniecooper winniecooper 9 years
"I'll check my magic 8 ball and get back to you..."
fcseamstress fcseamstress 9 years
I got put on the spot at FH's family Thanksgiving, literally 2 weeks after we got engaged... We've talked about it, we want them, but we both work lower middle class jobs and the time is just not right yet. Plus we enjoy our irresponsible, reckless, spontaneous lives too much! He loved my answer and started using it himself... "We'll have kids when we're grown up." Simple, gets a good laugh without being rude/sarcastic and very, very true. We may be mid-twenties and legal adults, but that does NOT make us grown ups.
bchicgrl bchicgrl 9 years
I get that question from my aunt (of all people) all the time, its annoying but now that i live 3000 miles away from her i don't get asked anymore. I simply say the truth, we will have kids when we are good and ready and until I announce that I'm pregnant assume I'm not. i love the answers from ilikeatea and Da Ly, i'll have to remember them for the next time my aunt asks.
Blackwood Blackwood 9 years
I don't answer. To unpolite questions, unpolite answers. If I don't like your question (unless you're someone who really cares, like a friend) I won't answer nor give any kind of explanation on why I'm not answering it. Simple.
divinedebris divinedebris 9 years
My husband and I have been married for over two years now and I get the, "When are you going to pop out some kids?" question all the time. It makes me insane. I say we're not having kids, we don't want children. And if they want me to elaborate, I tell them kids are messy, expensive and time consuming and I don't want any of that- that's what my husband is for, why should I have another person to clean up after? Also, we're a military family, I don' think it's a fantastic situation for a child to grow up in, but that's just me. I hate annoying questions like those, I try to stay away from them, myself.
AmandaKrups AmandaKrups 9 years
I say my husband and I just got married (this past June) and we want to spend some time being husband and wife before we are parents for the rest of our lives!!
brown_eyed_grrl brown_eyed_grrl 9 years
I wish I had a solution because THE SAME FREAKIN' PEOPLE ASK ME ALL THE TIME. And I wish they'd stop. I'm an intensely private person, and my reproductive plans are no one's business. I never ask other people these things. I can't understand why they think it's okay, and because some of these people are family (not my own), I don't want to be rude, but I'm tired of it. Others are barely aquaintances. The only person I don't mind sharing with is my mom, and she's not pressuring at all! I don't know when I want to have kids. I'm 99 percent sure that I want them, but the life change scares me a little, and people asking all the time puts me on edge.
lawchick lawchick 9 years
I just say we haven't decided if we're having kids, which is the truth. I do think it's rude and invasive to ask. I don't even like close friends and family asking.
rannew rannew 9 years
We definitely want children and sooner rather than later but not for a couple years. When I talk to acquaintances and others at that familiarity level, I just tell them to talk to me around 2010 and not before. With friends and family, I explain a bit more of our plan but still say that they should stop checking for baby bumps until 2010. Also, I like to keep a drink in my hand at parties so no one starts to expect that were expecting!
pugglelover pugglelover 9 years
I get that question all the time and I hate it! Just because I'm married doesn't mean that I want kids and @ first I used to tell people that but then everyone would ask Why? and I just don't feel I have to justify it to anyone so I just started saying that I'm unable to have kids and then they don't ask any more questions. My dogs and husband are all the kids I need!
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
Hahahhahhahha, Da Ly, that is hilarious!!!!!! I haven't gotten to the point where people feel the need to ask me these questions yet. But what I really really hate is when people just assume I'm going to have kids at least some day and will start talking about that, and I'm like "HELLO!!" I'm not planning on EVER having kids! Just b/c I'm a girl doesn't mean I love or even like kids much less want any! I finally found a friend in college that feels the same way as me and it is so refreshing to be able to talk to her about stuff like that. :D
Da-Ly Da-Ly 9 years
Ah, I love the kids question simply because it is a good opportunity to see how long I can keep a straight face. "We will be adopting my cousin's child. She was unfortunately knocked up by her unemployed lawyer boyfriend who is now homeless. She's doing what she can at her part time Chuck E Cheese job, but it's not enough and eating only pizza's is not good nutrition for the baby. So I've offered her 1K and new Nike's in exchange for the baby."
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