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Do Tell: Once a Cheater Always a Cheater?

Distressed Dolly needed some advice on how to get her cheating boyfriend back and you all had quite a lot to say about her situation. AceMonkey left a comment saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" and while I used to agree with her 100 percent, I'm not so sure I believe that statement anymore. Of course there's never an excuse for being unfaithful, but people do make mistakes and even though that kind of mistake can be detrimental to a relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll do it again. I know this is a loaded question, but ladies do tell, do you agree that once a cheater, always a cheater?


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pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 8 years
This isn't necessarily true, I think. However, I wouldn't stay with someone who cheated on me in fear he'd do it again. There will always be someone else out there who will treat you right.
Alia-Miller Alia-Miller 9 years
I've cheated on my boyfriend last time..but I realized that it was the biggest mistake I've ever made! He accepted my apology and though sometimes I KNOW he's a bit skeptical about things, but I deserve it (even though sometimes I get annoyed, but it was ME who messed it up in the first place!) He gave me a chance and I have never cheated again. Not ever again. And I think you should give him a chance too.
mollybaby mollybaby 9 years
unfortunately i think it really depends on the person. example 1: an ex cheated on me years ago but i forgave him. 4 months later he cheated on me again, so i promptly dumped his ass. example 2: i cheated on the same ex (i know, great relationship, right? oh well.. ex for a reason), but haven't cheated since. i haven't even THOUGHT about it. i think at the time, for me anyways, it was a way of "evening the score" in some sick, twisted way. never again. but long story short, not all cheaters cheat again.
blondie829 blondie829 9 years
My friend once told me, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on ME." If you do take someone back, it's your own fault because they already showed you exactly who they are.
blondie829 blondie829 9 years
The biggest problem with cheating is that it is a breach of trust. The relationship will never be the same. In my experience, I've been cheated on, and then took him back, and he did it again for months without telling me. Same happened with my sister. Listening to your head over your heart is what I think is best in these situations. If a guy has cheated in a past relationship, I don't think that rules out a new relationship with him since people can meet the right person and have no desire to do it again. But I do think that if you are in a relationship with a guy who is a cheater, it should be over. Trust is gone, so that's it. You'll always wonder.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 9 years
No, as a former "always cheater", I know people can change and will change when the time is right for the right person :)
lala788 lala788 9 years
i think that "Once a cheater always a cheater" is true, and when the trust is gone you can't have a long last relationship
yaliyah yaliyah 9 years
There are a lot of comments about people cheating because they are/were unfullfilled and now that they are "happy" it won't happen again. That is why I totally believe the statement. Cheaters are great at rationalizing and justifying their behavior. "I wasn't happy", "my needs weren't being me", "what he doesn't know won't hurt him". Sadly, I know a lot of serial cheaters (men and women) and sometimes there are clear reasons for the behaviors (acting out, loneliness, low self esteem, abusive partners), others it is just an easy access issue. As far as the guys go, I feel like most will cheat, happy relationship or not, if they believe they won't get caught. Plus, being emotionally happy with someone doesn't change the fact that you are attracted to others around you.
LovelyLady8 LovelyLady8 9 years
no i dont think. my current boyfriend def cheated on an ex during his college glory days when he didn't have much regard for anything but booze! but honestly, he has been so totally faithful to me it almost blows my mind. i was a FIRM believer in once a cheater always a cheater.. i actually said that to my guy when we first started dating!!!! fortunately, things have been perfect!!!
juliemyjewel juliemyjewel 9 years
Of course situations are all different, but I think that the old "Once a cheater always a cheater" saying is generally true.
leeluvfashion leeluvfashion 9 years
My mom gave me the advice/warning: Once a cheater, always a cheater. I do believe it most of the time(99%) however I do think that there is a 1% that make that mistake and never cheat again. Depends on the issues within the relationships.
Meike Meike 9 years
Depends, really. There is the accidental cheater, the cheater that cheated because of a miserable or unfulfilling relationship, and the serial cheater. The accidental cheater is likely never to cheat again. He/she made a mistake. The cheater who cheated because of a miserable or unfulfilling relationship is a 50/50. They cheat only when they are unhappy. If they're in a happy relationship, they won't cheat. The serial cheater is as described above, "once a cheater, always a cheater." Deep down, they don't care who they hurt.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I think that if a person cheats more than once (more than once with one person or with more than one person) he or she may be a habitual cheater. One time could easily be an accident and doesn't mean that they are going to do it again. If you learn your lesson the first time it's a good sign that you won't do it again. With that being said, it would still be hard for me to be with a man who had cheated on his girlfriend before. It would make me jealous and paranoid.
lilwildone1202 lilwildone1202 9 years
eh i usually believe once a cheater always a cheater i have yet to be proven wrong my one ex cheated on me with my best friends sister in law-then cheated on her... my other ex who cheated on me... well he cheated on me countless times..cheated on the ex before me countless times..then cheated on the girl he was with (we were friends). maybe i encountered serial cheaters. but i think that sadly i will hold this as a "guilty until proven innocent"
emalove emalove 9 years
I don't really agree with this. I guess it depends on how often it occurs, when it occurred, etc. For example, I cheated on a boyfriend when I was 19 years old, immature, and not at all ready to be in that serious of a relationship. Now I'm 30 years old and would NEVER cheat again. On anyone. I'm married now, but I was in a miserable relationship before that and cheating never even entered my mind.
red4bonez red4bonez 9 years
i dont agree with once a cheater always a cheater. my boyfriend cheated on me once and i forgave him, i gave him the benefit of the doubt. but if he would cheat on me again i would leave him for sure. everyone is human and everyone makes mistakes but if someone makes a mistake twice and the same one then i wouldn't be able to forgive.
geebers geebers 9 years
Revise that "I would at least be honest first and ended things before I went off with someone else." I wrote before I cheated, technically since I would end things that is not cheating. Just wanted to clarify that statement before someone jumps on me for it.
geebers geebers 9 years
I have never cheated and I can say with full confidence that I never will. I know no matter how much I am tempted I know my principles. If Im with someone who can't follow that- goodbye. I dont think once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. But the fact is, if someone cheats on me - I would never forget it. It's incredibly selfish and a slap to my face. If I had the urge to cheat, out of respect for my partner I would at least be honest before I cheated. So I cant follow the crowd on this one in that sense. Maybe if someone cheated in highschool or college and it was complete immaturity (and I would still not take them if it was a serial case of cheating by the way) - I would look past it.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
If you are young and you cheat you may make it back (but some people are immature for a lifetime), if you do it while you are mature and in a committed relationship, you show an urge to cheat. If we talk mind over matter, yes, it can be controlled. But those who like the thrill of the chase will fall again. Good luck trying to figure out whose are in that list and who are not.
indielove indielove 9 years
sorry, can't follow the crowd on this one. once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. takes a mighty strong person to do it once and never again. it there really are those kinds of people out there, i do applaud them for changing their ways. i've been cheated on, my ex is a serial cheater...he's done it all his life. he's 30 years old, married, still in that frame of mind. I know everyone's going to say that you can't judge everyone based on one person but I firmly believe that if you've done it once, there's a much greater chance that it'll happen again. There would be so many trust issues there, for me, that the relationship would have to end as soon as the truth comes to light. And yeah, karma's a real bitch so think twice before you cheat in the first place.
kayleigh83 kayleigh83 9 years
It isn't true - I've cheated before, I wouldn't do it again. I don't regret leaving the relationship in which I was unfaithful, nor do I regret the fact that I left it for the person I cheated with, who I'm still with and love very much. But I do wish I hadn't cheated because that's just not who I am... some people are repeat cheaters and it's just something wrong with them.. but sometimes it is just a mistake, and you can learn from it. I think it's unfair to always presume someone is defined by their past behaviour.
kk_bama kk_bama 9 years
No, that statement is NOT true, because guess what? I CHEATED. I don't anymore, and never will! It was stupid college debauchery, and I've grown up since. Maybe it's different because I'm female, but not all guys are serial cheaters.
millarci millarci 9 years
Okay I don't completely believe in this statement. People can learn from their mistakes and they shouldn't be black listed for the rest of their lives. HOWEVER, if someone cheated on me, I would definitely have trust issues afterwards and I personally wouldn't be able to trust them again. Therefore, it would be a deal breaker for me.
Eternity Eternity 9 years
Based on 3 different guys doing it to me and the girls after me, yes. I think it depends on the phase of life a person is in. If they are young (highschool/college), perhaps they will grow out of it. If the relationship is truly horrible and it was done out of retribution, maybe they wont repeat it with someone else. The fact is though, guys that do it because they want to, that do it when in deeply comitted relationships, will always do it, they don't necessarily have to be hedonist jerks. They have a problem with solving basic problems in their relationships, and turn to other women to deal with it unfortunately.
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